familly can't get help, the powers that be say we caused the problem we had better solve it.

This last 15 months has been like living with an unstable explosive with my husband, his mother says she is surprised that it took this long for this reaction. Years ago she distanced herself from what was started with my husband, Her son, In fact I discovered it caused some very serious conflicts, between all members of his family. But as with all things one dominance takes over.
When I moved here five months before my husband discharged from the navy, I arrived finding a very ordered and structured , conservative society, People did not really take well to outsiders, my husband was considered the worst outsider because first he arrived in the school system just before high school. then after high school kept on leaving the area for military service, coming back, getting a good job then when he knew he was going to be laid off for a period of years going on a military leave, so his time continued at his civilian job and when he came back, he came back with seinority 60% over the rest of the 7000 person work force in the area.
His father received many visitors, while I was in his house, asking why my husband just did not stay in and go carrer instead of coming back and disrupting lives, They were union officials, and supervisors, and others that resented the fact he was coming back able under the national union contract to take shifts, jobs, vacations, refuse overtime and holidays making others have to work instead, Even his father thought this was unfair and said he was coming home for his own agenda, If he was stronger he would not have become sick and would be considered to reenlist, This is all I heard for 4 months.
The main reason I was there is because I had my own mental illness, in the over three years my husband had been gone. A year after he left I was tired of not having the comfort of a man and started an affair, With an air force officer, eight months latter I was talking about divorce so I could go to Europe with him when he said, Hold on did I say I wanted a wife, I don't, I want to have fun when I go to Italy, we had fun now its time to move on, he left, and I ended up in a mental ward for 30 days, Two weeks after the wives were getting sent to spend thanksgiving dinner with our husbands befor the went back to sea in another week, By this time I had not seen or talked to my husband in 2 and 1/2 years, Just an occasional book delivered by his brother that contained day to day letters of what he was doing, you would not believe the amount of black marker used in censorship. He had not heard from me at all, they held all my family grams because I had said in some of the first that I wanted a divorce. we got down there and He was carrying a shotgun and standing nuclear weapons security. They had a missile just loaded. I went down to the crews mess when his cob came up and told me I was going to be in the wardroom. Most of the officers had gone to the officers club with their wives. The CO and his wife and the XO and his wife were the only ones there, They put a plate full of food down for me and said we have some things, to talk about, The CO said we have sent a relief to your husband, he came in with his shotgun and put it up, walked up and saluted his CO an reported, He was asked to sit, we were able to talk for 15 minutes and it was decided that I was going back to my mothers house my husband had less than a year left, and he flat out refused to reenlist siting the fact everyone else gets leave and R and R but he had not been home or with me in over 32 months. He had to go back on watch, I was helped to put everything into storage and sent home to my mother, six months latter it was decided to send me ahead to where he was going back to because he was back to backing the next two patrols, not by choice.
His final refit he received a new division chief, When he arrived back on board five days after everyone else He was put on ships maintenance six hours, nuclear weapons security six hours and his own watch six hours, and his new chief had him stand his watch because him and his wife had rented a cabin in a nearby park for the week, after being awake 106 hours he collapsed, In the time after he had been awake until he collapsed, He made the squadron CO walk up to the tender in his underwear while kicking his 800.00 uniform over the side, He told his division officer if he did not want footprints all over his ice whit tennis outfit he would put foot prints all over it, Then his chief told him that he was going to meet his wife that my husbands need for a signature was an interference, he had been awake about 96 hours when his chief did a backflip in that passageway, That how hard my husband hit him, in the mast it was found he was not responsible for his actions because of sleep deprivation,
He cam home 112 days later, not to find anyone willing to even talk to him but a note on the door he was taking the sofa, There were sheets, and his father yanked him out at 7 AM. Yelling he had to get into HR by 8, he did not even see me. I admit the military abused my husband, but the real abuse was about to begin, His father said when he got home he needed to just be kept as busy as possible so he did was kept off balance, did not start pushing his work rights because he had friends that had sons and daughters with less time than my husband had and they did not need the disruption my husband could cause in their life. I was not used to the way things were done in a union, so I went along for the moment.
Then his father informed me if I did not control my husband he had a way the state would control the both of us, He said he would plant enough drugs to cause me a ten year prison term, but because of what my husband did in the navy he could get a very long federal prison term.
So I did as I was told and denied him a marital relation, my father in law said that with my looks there were lots of men in the area that I could fill my bed with.
The sex denial worked until 1995 from 1985, my husband had been having sever head aches since he came home, he was hypertensive, and in 95 they seemed to double in intensity, he stopped asking me for sex just to be denied again, his left foot started dragging, he was confused by lines, he was falling down a lot, and he seemed to be always pulling off the road to get sick when I was with him, his father asked what drugs he was on and had me looking all over the place for a stash,.
My husband had not had a day off since he returned and almost all were 12 hour days or more, on holidays those working worked 16 hour days, I found out after my husband retired he had not had a holiday off since 1978 almost 34 years. But on July 31 2001 a month before 9/11 I got a call from the community hospital telling me the were transporting my husband to An Endoscopic center 60 miles to the south I had to get down there to sign the treatment paperwork, I don't drive because of sever tunnel vision so I called his father, I told him what was need and he said he heard what happened at his job, My husband faked passing out and was crying about having to be a man again, he said he's just tired of working like a man should but we went down and signed the paper work and his mother was there, His father said just wait they are going to come out and tell us he is faking, The neuro Dr. came out, and said they had to do a surgery that my husband only had a 1in 2 chance. but zero if he did not have the surgery.
He came out with several years of memory wiped. I suggested to his father that it was time to stop the attempt at control we had, and he said don't you dare, He will need it more than ever now, can you imagine the peoples lives he will disrupt if he starts taking the rights he earned.
The company he worked for, had just finished building a new plant, they posted the jobs open for bid, and my husband put his name up on the bid, just after the son off a county commissioner put his name up My husband had 24 years accrued time, The other man had 8, the local union decided it was going to the younger man because of political considerations, needless to say that impress my husband about as much as what's in the bottom of a john, Not at all.
He went to the national union and had the locals decision overridden, needless to say it made more than a few people very angry, The locals president and his committeeman showed up at his fathers house, I was there telling his father his son would not accept my input at all, I wanted him to stay put because of things I was doing that I really did not need him knowing. I had to quit dancing as a result, also had to stop going out with other men for a while, being bi polar no sex was not an option for me, It hurts when there isn't any.
But his father said there are going to be some people talking to my son when he gets home, he needs to learn that bucking people like this is not going to be well for him. He said when he gets to the door just lock it they might rough him up a little but he is a big boy he can take it and it will humble him.
My husband arrived home, I did as instructed, The four men jumped my husband and I was going to call the police, every body had forgot that my husband is well trained in combat arts, A 3rd dan black belt air assault trained, and nuclear weapons security trained. The savagery I witness in the counter attack was devastating to the four men, The commissioners son suffered the worst with both eye sokkets shattered, My husband walked away.
His father said all you had to do was back down, Now four men are badly hurt, how could you do this and my husband said I did not do anything but defend. His father came back after he went to work the next day was doing something out in the shed, I thought he was getting a tool. But he asked me what was going to happen now, I said I could not control any more, He said you remember that warning I gave years ago, just stay in tomorrow morning, and you wont be involved. I was wondering what he meant and we had a big storm that evening, always brings down branchs and my husband got up the next morning went out to the shed , spent a lot of time looking around and took a package out of the shed and put it in a barrel that we used to burn branches with, loaded it full of branches and took some gas and burned it. I did not think anything of it, but at noon the sheriffs department was knocking at the door with a search warrant for the house and grounds. They had a drug dog with them and they went threw every room then outside to the shed, The dog alerted to nothing, They left saying bad tip,
Meanwhile I knew something was up because my husband was smiling. his father came over just as he was getting ready for work and went out to the shed, opened the door and came in yelling what happened to it, My husband pointed to the burn barrel, and his father went white, He said you did not burn six grand in meth, My husband said yes I did, his father was so mad he was sputtering, it was intended that my husband was to go to jail,
The next year his father up the tensions, forced my husband to go to work with a twelve gauge pointed at him on Christmas eve. My husband asked the police to do something but the county commissioner told them to stay out of it. so he was not allowed to refuse holiday work again.
We never forgot he was working the holidays, when we went out after wards we always took a couple of sandwiches, he was always waiting at the gate but after the shot gun was used his look was if we did not have it with us somebody was going to get killed, the last New Years eve we took his traditional fair and he a few of the men with use said we will dance some dances for you with your wife and make sure she is well kissed at midnight. I was escorted by one of them, I watched as he took them and threw them in the trash, his father said that is him being a big baby, and a bad sport, I was contacted yesterday by the man that was my escort that night, I knew he worked in my husbands department, I guess him and my husband were up on a platform the next workday and he was telling my husband how good I felt dancing with him and how nice it was to kiss me, I never kissed him even at midnight, but it was a dig, My husband turned looked around, Saw no witnesses and pushed him off a platform 50 feet in the air, I found out both legs and his hips were shattered, that is why he has not been seen since at one of our parties, after my husband retired, He was working for another company for the next two years, He fell thirty feet on to the ramp and rolled out ok with a few bruises. In October of 2009 he was taken to the Emergency room, unable to breath, no renal function and pain so bad he wanted them to kill him, It was a MRSA abcess in his spine. The last four years have been spent in hospitols or rehab, He has had several strokes.
Last year I went out with an old Boy friend from before we were married, I was not intending anything to happen but got a little drunk and ended up spending the night in his room, when he took me home the next morning that car was not there and I thought I could just say I went with my old college roommate and we let time get away but we pulled in and my husband blocked us in, I asked to be taken inside and we could talk, I watched as my husband unblock the car I was in. Me and my old BF went in to wait, I had forgotten why we broke up in the first place, when my husband came in leaning hard on his cane. My BF kicked the cane out from my husbands hand , after my husband lost two teeth on the coffee table, he started laughing and said pathetic, Asked me how could I stand this loser, I saw the look in my husbands face, I knew he was not going to let things slide, I tried to get my BF out of the house when that cane without its tip slammed into the side of my BFs head, I heard his scull fracture, I saw him drop to the floor like stone, Then my husband raged himself over and just started wailing on him, I was slapped into a corner when I tried to stop my husband, and when I stood up I went and dial 911. The next door neighbor received the call just as he was going to his formation and ran over, He stopped my husband from doing any more damage, my bf went to the hospital, my husband went to anger management.
My husbands father a week later asked a favor for a friend, He asked that I accompany his friend to a political fundraiser. he just needed someone to go since his wife just left him.
My husband was not supposed to get home for another week . but as I finished getting ready I heard the door open and my husband was standing there, I told the truth I was just going to accompany his fathers friend. My husband said ok, but when you get back I hope you have someplace else to live, your bags will be out on the porch and the locks will be changed. I was crying when I called his father, Him and my husbands mother were coming over, They said just keep my husband calm, I said I will meet anywhere you want after the event just to talk things out. My husband said you owe me 31 years. The note is due tonight, I knew exactly what he meant, I took off for the door but my new dress was ripped right off. I begged not like this and he said just to have you come home again with another man in the morning. well this time he gets to be second. It was not love, it was frustration, rage, longing and revenge. He finished a little while latter, he did not use protection, He stood up got his cane and got dressed, I went and put a bath robe on. his fathers friend came to the door and was startled to see my husband there but he said I am here to take your wife out. He said we will be back in a couple of hours. I heard my husband say she is indisposed, He tried forcing his way in I came around the corner in time to see my husband grab the man by the scruff of the neck and throw him face first into the cement drive just as his parents arrived, his father helped his friend to an urgent care unit. His mother came to me and asked what happened, she started to get the story then, His father came back, Lite into his son and was invited to leave. his mother walked out just yelling at his father.
Every thing that my husband expends in energy now hurts him, he had another two strokes last year one was right before the holidays, that put him back in rehab for three months, He however was out for memorial day, he was not working or going any where.
It was my turn to have a cookout this year at our house, I had my husband clean the silver, and carpets, and get everything set up, when his father arrived, I knew what was going to be said because I refuse to have anything to do with it, his father said we have developed traditions you are not a part off so you have to leave until we call you to tell you, when you can come home, He said here is 200.00 just to leave we will save you a couple of sandwiches, My husband told his father where he could go and tossed the money in his face, said my house, my equipment my food, His father said that is not a mans answer, That is like a child saying my ball, if I don't get to play you can't use my ball, My husband said in about fifteen minutes your guests arrive. Will you step out so I can chain the porch gat closed, His father said to his mother can you our you he pointed at me get him to cooperate, his mother said when pigs fly. my husband stayed, One off the traditions was Father in law made reservations someplace for after dinner, He loudly announced that was one invitation his son could not override, When the cookout wrapped up I was told my escort was waiting and he stepped up and offered his arm, My husband stepped up and said the only escort I was going to have that evening was him, My father in law flew into a rage and said you are not invited the reservations are set, and the guy said you heard him you aren't invited, Everyone including me saw the danger, My husband turned and said can I offer a ride you are going to need it when they have to remove your arm from your rear if you don't scram.
I felt kike sinking into the floor, the guy know what my husband can do and said good by, my husband said that leaves one short doesn't it, His father said you just embarrassed the family and guests with your childish attitude, you have to learn just because others get to do you don't, My husband said you old jerk why don't you stop saying do as I say not as I do and lead by example , instead of trying to make me the guy that serve your purpose, From now on you will stop interfering in my life and marriage just because you want to please all the scum in this room, his father said I don't take that kind of lip from you, and slapped my husband, he broke two fingers in the deal, It was like hitting a granite bust. looked like it to, my husband said that was the last threat he would make as his father slid on his rear across the room after my husband back handed him, his mother said I told you when pigs fly. We went to the club. I was able to dance, have a drink or two had some fun, my husband watched with his cane and talked with others including a girlfriend that has always told me if he was not my husband she would be in bed with him so fast heads would spin and would, she said that night that my father in law was taught the lesson he needed to learn,
My husband had gone out to get a tool out of his fathers pole barn a couple of months ago, He found that auto shotgun, Hammered the barrel flat and poured battery acid into the bolt. So he knows that will never be used as a threat again, his mother found out about how it had been used in the past and notified the attorney general about the use of a weapon as a threat, they are not going to arrest my father in law but the background check wont allow one to be bought.
I don't know who has gone to far now, I wont go along with my father in laws agenda, there is another cookout on the fourth, I have told the guy that my father in law wants me to go with this time he may as well forget it. I will be with my husband.
One more thing, I don't think it is ok for my husband to be this way, but everyone I talk to says we forced him to take these actions, Is it possible to deny and make someone work so much they feel the only way out is bring pain to others? Is there a way that he can forgive now, or has he become warped.