When i try and see her she always has a excuse.

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We been going out for just over 4 years. There was a split for about a year in that time frame. Last year i had a tumor removed from my nose. This required some extensive plastic surgery (which im still in process of finishing) to fix. I did not see her for a few months after that. I however maintained contact almost daily. Finally i decided to see her in late Dec. Everything seem ok at first. Then one excuse after another. Back in feb she injured her self and her back. So during that time frame i didnt ask too see her much maybe twice. Even before the fall it was becoming increasingly more difficult to actually come over to her. Usually the excuses are she is sick or she is sore or tired. Ive had talks with her but the talks leave me confused than what i was. Had a talk with her again on Tuesday, discussing how i felt. She says that i often decide to come over "too later" or sometimes i sound unsure if i coming etc etc. I asked her if she had anything (regarding the relationship) to please let me know. All she bought up was that she wants to move in the next year (she's been saying this for about 2 years now). Anyways i tell her i may stop by the next day. This time i decide to go at it early. Guess what not today save it for next week im sick. WTH?.. The day before when we talked she mentioned nothing of been sick. I then say (this was all via text) why next week why not on Sunday. Then she says Sundays arent any good unless i get there before 8. I then precede to tell her well you didnt say anything about been sick when i talked to you day before. To which she says she woke up coughing an sneezing at 4 am. Well my best friend has been telling for the past few months that he believes the relationships is over but she doesnt want to say. Im not one for hints(unless is painfully obvisous) i need concrete evidence. My friend insist that she isnt going to spell it out for me. He says that by now i should have enough hints to determine that it is indeed over. Im just looking for some insight and or suggestions here. Thanks..

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 2,384 • Replies: 49

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@axpert,

Pretty much your friend is right. Obviously this person either has the following "trinity":

1) Lying about her true feelings and doesn't want a relationship with you but is afraid to hurt your feelings by telling you (assuming that she wants to appear empathetic given your tumor situation).

2) Has someone else on the side but wants her cake by stringing you along in case that relationship doesn't work out.

3) Is telling the truth and coincidentally the times are just bad and is she could be sincerely sickly.

But more likely than not she is most likely playing games and is dishonest about her feelings and is not respecting yours by her own dishonesty (assuming she is dishonest to begin with).

2 Replies

@Buttermilk,

Im leaning towards the fact that she doesnt want to officially break up for some reason. There is a small possibility about picking the wrong time. However, this is been ongoing for a while. When my friend suggested that he felt that the writing was on the wall it was still early on in this process.

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Just wait for her to call you.

If she doesn't, she doesn't.

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She's probably one of them women who don't want to hurt a guys feelings by telling him -"We're through", so she keeps fobbing him off with excuses and hopes he'll eventually get the message.
Alternatively she's just too chicken to tell him straight..

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I can't stand people like this, and when I see someone acting this way with me, I cut them off.

This applies to romance, business and everyday life.

I'll take one sharp blow over a hundred little stings any time.

The way I figure, if they can't just be forthright in their feelings, and want to play all these little games, they are going to be like this again and again.

I don't have time for that bullshit. It's wasting time I could spend being happy.

1 Reply

@chai2,

I hate this too myself its the worst. You dont want to jump to conclusion's, but you dont want to be taken for a ride either.

1 Reply

@axpert,

At this point, do you really think you would be jumping to conclusions?

1 Reply

@axpert,

axpert wrote:

We been going out for just over 4 years. There was a split for about a year in that time frame. Last year i had a tumor removed from my nose. This required some extensive plastic surgery (which im still in process of finishing) to fix. I did not see her for a few months after that. I however maintained contact almost daily. Finally i decided to see her in late Dec. Everything seem ok at first. Then one excuse after another. Back in feb she injured her self and her back. So during that time frame i didnt ask too see her much maybe twice. Even before the fall it was becoming increasingly more difficult to actually come over to her. Usually the excuses are she is sick or she is sore or tired. Ive had talks with her but the talks leave me confused than what i was. Had a talk with her again on Tuesday, discussing how i felt. She says that i often decide to come over "too later" or sometimes i sound unsure if i coming etc etc. I asked her if she had anything (regarding the relationship) to please let me know. All she bought up was that she wants to move in the next year (she's been saying this for about 2 years now). Anyways i tell her i may stop by the next day. This time i decide to go at it early. Guess what not today save it for next week im sick. WTH?.. The day before when we talked she mentioned nothing of been sick. I then say (this was all via text) why next week why not on Sunday. Then she says Sundays arent any good unless i get there before 8. I then precede to tell her well you didnt say anything about been sick when i talked to you day before. To which she says she woke up coughing an sneezing at 4 am. Well my best friend has been telling for the past few months that he believes the relationships is over but she doesnt want to say. Im not one for hints(unless is painfully obvisous) i need concrete evidence. My friend insist that she isnt going to spell it out for me. He says that by now i should have enough hints to determine that it is indeed over. Im just looking for some insight and or suggestions here. Thanks..

Does it sound to YOU
like she WANTS u around ????????

2 Replies

@chai2,

No, i dont think so. I have to also include that she isnt the most "normal" of people as well. Though my friend insist i just keep making excuses for her.

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@axpert,

I was wondering if you were going to see that her behavior is really ODD.

Does she socialize with ANYONE?

If so, then she is blowing you off and you need to accept that.

If not, then she is anti-social and incapable of any relationship, anyway.

1 Reply

@axpert,

axpert wrote:

No, i dont think so. I have to also include that she isnt the most "normal" of people as well. Though my friend insist i just keep making excuses for her.

So what if your friend wants you to make excuses.

Do you live for your friend, or for yourself?

I think the answer is self evident.

Let your friend make excuses for whatever's going on in his/her own life and relationships. You don't have to.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

No, she doesnt have any friends nor does she ever really go out. The only people that she usually socialize with is what i refer to as her "klan" her sisters and cousins. Other than that no.

0 Replies

@chai2,

You are right. What my friend is trying to say that i keep blaming her recent behavior on the fact that she isnt "normal".

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

On the surface no it doesnt. I just didnt want to make any rash decisions. Thought i would see what other people take is on it.

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@axpert,

You said that she objected because she never knows if you are actually coming and later you said you told her you "might " come over.

Make definite times. Formalise the thing, a little.

She knows what to expect, you make a commitment to be there at a specific time. You will quickly find whether she wants to spend time with you. Perhaps she has been objecting to your haphazard way of doing things.

1 Reply

What are your ages?

You said you have been going out for over 4 years? Did you really date, i.e. go out socially? or was this an acquaintance?

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

She is 34 I am 39. Yes we did date and go out socially, if i had to put a title it would be FWB type of deal. We where cowokers before we started dating.

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@spikepipsqueak,

Im going to try just that. Im aiming for this upcoming Sunday. I already told her i will be coming by. Since she said she became "sick" on Wednesday morning Iam assuming that she will be "better" by then. I talked to her today briefly and well she didnt sound all that sick to me, so lets see. Thanks..

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

As a alleged trial attorney why do you spell words like this? I understand acronymns and using shortcuts but I've noticed that you tend to do this a lot. I'm not saying you should use "intellectual jargon" but I noticed when you spell words like "should" as shud, or in this recent post "you" as "u."

1 Reply

When i try and see her she always has a excuse.

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