18
   

Is my boyfriend abusive or will be become abusive?

 
 
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 05:35 pm
Every time me and my boyfriend argue, fight, fuss, or anything like that he will grab my neck, face, or hair and force me to look at him and even though I told him it hurt he told me if I quit moving and quit fighting it, he would stop. This happens so much. There was also an incident where he has on top of me and I told him he was hurting me and he wouldn't move so I bit him and he slapped me but this has only happened once. He has also spit on me but I don't think he meant to. He also grabs and pushes me in front of people some times. He has deleted all the guys off my Facebook and off my phone and told me I couldn't have contact with certain guy family members. He has to approve of all my clothes and then says he doesn't care. He has called me a bitch, slut, whore, and sex slave. He told me that I had too be a house wife. He acts like he doesn't tel me what to do but he tells me that I need to listen and respect him. He also makes me feel bad about my past.
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Type: Question • Score: 18 • Views: 2,563 • Replies: 72

 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 05:46 pm
@MrsYoung,
You really have to ask?


http://www.domesticviolence.org/storage/PhyVio.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1182022310650
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 06:08 pm
@MrsYoung,
All that and he has access to your phone directory and facebook? He's abusive and will become worse.

You didn't ask, but I will suggest you make arraignments for a future that doesn't include him.
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 06:17 pm
Yeah. What they said
0 Replies
 
cheeted12Many
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 06:19 pm
@MrsYoung,
I can relate to a certain extent and must say that you need to put you first. If you're in a relationship with someone who's controlling your life that's not right nor healthy and you need to leave before anything worse happens.... Don't stick around to find out!
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 06:44 pm
@MrsYoung,
And when will you decide that you don't need an outside opinion, and you'll know it for sure? When he blackens your eye? When he breaks a bone? When he holds a knife to your throat? When he backhands you and leaves a mark on your face? When he has sex with you against your will? When he orders you to never see your family again?

Because things like that are coming, if you stick around.

Pack a bag. Take cash. Go to your parents'. If they won't take you, or they are no longer living, go to a friend. If no friends will take you, or they don't live close by, go to a women's shelter.

You do not have to live this way. You do not deserve to be treated this way. You do not have to stay.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 07:13 pm
@MrsYoung,
Oh my God this guy is a jerk. Please believe me you a playing with fire. He's going to get worse. Not only will he get worse, he will not let you go easily. He thinks you're property, his property. This rough treatment is assault, pure and simple. I don't know where you live or what your family situation is like, but you must let others know what is happening to you. You will need to be careful and get the hell away from him while you still can. Whatever you do, DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB.
All I can tell you for sure is that if I hadn't insisted on keeping my job, I never would have been able to escape my first husband. I thought I married a wonderful man, I constantly had to reassure him, the more assurances I gave him the more suspicious he got. He was unfaithful, I didn't know because he seemed to worry constantly that someone at work would steal me away from him. I became isolated from my friends and didn't even realize it.
It all came apart one night after hours of him screaming, threatening to kill allbofcus,throwing all my plants on the floor, tearing the drapes off the window until I finally calmed him down and convinced him to rest on the bed. I cleaned up the broken pottery, swept up the potting soil and wash the floor. I was exhausted and walked into the living room to rest on the sofa. No sooner did I lay down I heard the bolt come back on his rifle. I had to beg him to put the gun down, when he did I fainted. I have never before or since fainted because of fear.
Please, don't ignore your reservations, you know you are in danger. Don't let it go as far as I did. I'm lucky to be alive, I want you to live a long natural life.
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 07:23 pm
@glitterbag,
Ow! I hope you are free and safe now.
Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 08:33 pm
@MrsYoung,
3 words ; GET OUT NOW!

If you can't find somewhere to stay with a friend, family or religious organization, go to the nearest shelter. Your life may depend upon it.
0 Replies
 
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glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 08:46 pm
@neologist,
I was only 23 when I married my nightmare. When I finally saw the light, there was no going back to him. I loved being single, living with my very young son. My marriage in retrospect was a nightmare that I was too dim to figure out. I really thought I would never marry again, but I met my husband and we really clicked. We've been married 35 years, he raised my son as his own and the extra bennie, we love each other, we support each other, of course we get angry with each other over stupid stuff but it never lasts long.

I was lucky and perhaps smart enough to not make the same mistake twice. Some women and some men get re-involved with additional abusive people. I think life is too short to be unhappy the entire time.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  11  
Reply Thu 1 May, 2014 09:14 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
Romeo Fabulini wrote:

Quote:
MrsYoung said: Every time me and my boyfriend argue, fight, fuss, or anything like that he will grab my neck, face, or hair...

What do you do that makes him upset?


What's wrong with you??? Seriously, do any women grab your hair and scream, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME WHEN IM TALKING. I don't care if she took a dump on the hood of his car, he can't push her, grab her neck or scream ay her. If you think this is normal male behaviour, then your dad must have been a lousy excuse for a man. You have never been married, thank you for never reproducing and exposing children to your sick sense of entitlement.

The answer to your stupid ass question is, she didn't do whatever she did in front of her father, her brother, a policeman or even me. She has gotten involved with a mini-man who can only dream what it must be like to be a man when he knocks her around a little.

Is that the kind of mini-man you are, romeo fabuliniless. You are despicable, and a sorry excuse for a human.
0 Replies
 
MrsYoung
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 May, 2014 12:17 pm
@Romeo Fabulini,
I turn my head, or move a little because I'm trying to get myself together because I don't want too argue or fight.
Romeo Fabulini
 
  -3  
Reply Fri 2 May, 2014 12:30 pm
When I date women, I soon ditch 'em if they don't shape up, and if I was a woman I'd soon ditch a man if he didn't shape up.
If women stick with an abusive guy it's their own fault for not having the guts to ditch him.
"If you hang around with losers, you become a loser"- Donald Trump
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  11  
Reply Fri 2 May, 2014 02:18 pm
@MrsYoung,
MrsYoung wrote:

I turn my head, or move a little because I'm trying to get myself together because I don't want too argue or fight.


Are you saying you think he manhandles you because you flinch when he grabs your hair or puts his hands around your neck????? Just because mr. Big Man pussy pants wants to restrain you because he's having a tantrum DOES NOT MEAN HE CAN. If you start believing you're the reason he gets angry, you will be totally lost. Have you ever seen a women with a bruised face, black eye and split lip and her abuser screams "look what you made me do"? Please get some help and don't answer people who want to know what YOU did, to deserve being treated like a punching bag.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 May, 2014 02:50 pm
@glitterbag,
Another outstanding post.
0 Replies
 
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MrsYoung
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 May, 2014 03:44 pm
@glitterbag,
After the incident were he forced me too give him oral sex he was extremely sympathetic but he has admitted that he needs therapy accepting the fact that he's actually wrong some of the time. So now he's going too receive therapy for that. He was abused physically, verbally, and emotionally until the age of 16.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Fri 2 May, 2014 03:56 pm
@MrsYoung,
It's not your responsibility to fix this guy's issues, and certainly not to be on the receiving end of his punches while he (maybe) attempts to improve himself.

BTW, big time apologizing after abuse is pretty classic in the cycle of abuse.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Fri 2 May, 2014 04:07 pm
@MrsYoung,
Fine, but you should not consider yourself a part of his therapy.
 

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