Allenmp
 
Reply Mon 14 Apr, 2014 04:34 pm
So without the whole story, we had a four year realsionship in which we had a lot of arguements. We also both grew up really shitty and therefore each have issues. I have always taken more responsibility for our problems during that four year period, although she did hurt me alot during that time as well which she appears to not understand at all. I can admit that I took her for granted and did a lot to hurt her. I don't know why I was so blind to it but I do see that clearly now.
But within the last three few months, she started seeing someone else after we broken up for the 100th time. I was crushed because it showed this time it was for real. We are talking like can't hardly eat, anxiety through the roof, intense feelings of saddness, and that's just the brief description. She did not talk with me about it and I tried many times through email and conversation and told me that she had absolutely no feelings for me each time I tried to get that from her. In fairness, she never said those words but said "sorry" when I asked her if she did have any feelings for me or similar. Never any indication that she did have feelings for me.
But instead of letting it destroy me, as I often due when my ex breaks up with me, kicks me out, or even with stuff that has nothing to do with her, I decided to improve myself and have been since then. This includes many of the things my ex wanted from me when we were toegther, even though it was too late. But after she told me it was over forever, I met somene too and although it was intially just to have someone because I was so lonely, she turned out to be really supportive and understanding so it progressed a little. Then, my ex started to show interst in us again. However, this interest would go from saying she thinks she "thinks she wants to be with me" to "we can never be." When it was "we can never be" it included her firends and my sister telling her they didn't think we were meant to be after she talked to them. We even slept together and while she chose not to tell the guy she was seeing, I had to tell the girl I was seeing because I felt it was the right thing to do. After all, not telling the girl I was seeing and letting her think that everything was fine and then one day surprising her with telling her that me and my ex were back togther just seemed cruel. That way at least she knew and could make an informed choice. I thought that was the right thing to do but my ex says that I should have never even told her in the first place. But the girl I was seeing was even understanding of that. She didnt ditch me and we kept seeing eachother.
Then in the most resent week, my ex was going back and forth beteween wanting me and not wanting me, four times overall in addition to the ones prior. This included saying that she "thinks" she wants to be with me and that "maybe" she should give us another chance. She even slept in my room a couple of times. Sleeping type sleep was all this time though. I kept the girl I was seeing informed of what was going on throughout the week, again trying to be fair to her. Then, it ended with one night my ex telling me that she just really didn't see us together, followed by later in the night comming into my room and telling me that she again "thinks" that "maybe" we should be together.
The next day I kept the girl I was seeing informed again and she started to ask if I was ever going to realize that my ex is not really going to commit to being toegther again and that I should realize that and let her go. In doing so, she bet me that my ex would go back on what she said again. Intially, I actually got a little upset at the girl I was seeing and defended my ex, but instead of arguing I just took her up on her bet to prove that I did beleive in my ex, despite the evidence. Se I understood that my ex was confused and beleived her when she said she had an epiphany about how her getting angry and always breaking up with me hurt me and us. Then, I did something stupid in telling my ex that I won the bet, thinking somehow that would show her that I stood up for her and beleived she wasn't just screwing with me despite evidence to the contrary.
My ex responded to this with saying she would never come to me again, obviously suggesting she was "breaking up" with me again and forever again. Since then, she has refused to talk to me about the issue again and says I don't understand that I really hurt her and adding that she can't trust me because I talked to the girl I was seeing about us. So as I understand it, she is saying that we really could have been together again if I had not talked to the girl I was seeing. She is also saying that her going back and forth was a "little" thing and that I should not have been upset about that lives. I have tried to tell her that it was not a little thing to me or the girl I was seeing as it impacted our lives.
I'm trying to only state facts so I'll admit I don't know everything she talked to with others, but I do know she talked to her ex about a lot of the wrongs I did when we were together, he told me about them. She used to talk to my family including my sister who lives with us about what I was doing wrong, she has cited to me her friends opinions after she shares her version of our problems with them, and has even posted on facebook that I "would'nt get out" when she wanted to kick me out of our co-owned home once. Note that she acctaully had good reason to that time but the piont is that she posted it to the world. But she says that was not the same as me updating the girl I was seeing beccause it was before we were trying to get back together. I do even feel bad about talking to the girl I was seeing because it hurt my ex, even though it really was what I felt I had to do to keep from really hurting the girl I was seeing. My ex has not apologized for going back and forth, or just ending everything again. And the ending everything when she is mad goes way back to the begining of us and she has NEVER seen how much that hurt me. She says that my issues bring out the worst in her but when I try to tell her how bad her always breaking up with me and responding in anger without a willingness to talk and resolve hurt me and brought out the worst in me, she will not have it.
So my question is do I really deserve to have her not talk to me about what happended recently, leaving me all alone again just as I was when I first found out about her and this new guy. And do I deserve to have her tell me that she will never come to me again about us beccause I talked to the girl I was seeing that inccluded telling her when my ex was suggesting we could be, and when we could not be. Do I really have no right to be hurt by her ending everything with me because of that, just as she did many many times when we were together, and when I have told her so many times how that hurts me and therefore hurts the relationship only to hear that its not that bad and my stuff hurts her but that shouldn't hurt or affect me. The answer seems so obvious to me but I want to make sure I'm not crazy. Somehow, she can really make me beleive that I'm all to blame and that she did nothing wrong. But if it's true I want to know so that I don't keep doing it with her or anyone else.
I was wrong about a lot in the past and even admit to more wrong that her, but she says it's really almost entirely me and this situation seemed to be proof that it is not, especially in the case even if that were true about the past. Am I wrong? I really want the honest truth?
 
CoastalRat
 
  3  
Reply Tue 15 Apr, 2014 05:29 am
@Allenmp,
Neither you nor your ex have any idea what you want. Drop her. Stop contacting her. Stop accepting contact from her. Get on with your life.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 15 Apr, 2014 06:58 am
@CoastalRat,
To add to this great advice - delete all of your ex's contact info. Stop having sleepovers; all they do is confuse you.

And maybe also notice that you are seeing one incredibly patient and understanding girl (who seems to have the self esteem of a turnip). If it were me, I would have kicked you to the curb and deleted your contact info a long, long time ago.
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Tue 15 Apr, 2014 07:16 am
It's amazing that THREE fools have all come together at the same time.

Allenmp
 
  1  
Reply Tue 15 Apr, 2014 10:32 pm
@jespah,
Oh no kidding I do know that. But we are done now because I couldn't keep doing that to her. I tried to let her go as soon as me and my ex slept together but she was understand and didn't want to. But then, I still was in love with my ex so we had to end it very understandably.
0 Replies
 
Allenmp
 
  1  
Reply Tue 15 Apr, 2014 10:34 pm
@CoastalRat,
No I do know what I want, I want my ex. But that doesn't seem possible when she gets upset at me for things like this and always ends it whenever she is mad.
0 Replies
 
anonymously99
 
  -4  
Reply Tue 15 Apr, 2014 10:59 pm
@Allenmp,
You're a pos. The truth.

You have some crazy things going on in your head.

The woman you have been "in person" with is the one you need to stick to. The two of you deserve one another. I would swear you two are soul mates.

The other woman who you have been abusing mentally does not deserve you. She has psychological problems that you could seriously help with if you would just stop fantasizing about the little dramas going on in your head. Mature some. That may help. Reading the Holy Bible will help you mentally. Honest. It's helping me.
0 Replies
 
Below viewing threshold (view)
anonymously99
 
  -4  
Reply Tue 15 Apr, 2014 11:28 pm
@Allenmp,
Lyrics 
Obvious 
Don't say another word to me 
'Cause you just can't explain where you've been 
So don't speak, not now, no words 
When you said 
"What she don't see won't hurt her 
What you can't hear won't kill ya," 
Everything else followed in 
And now I don't have the time 
And my time, I won't be putting in 
'Cause why should I try for people with eyes only for themselves? 
Too many times, you don't answer your phone line 
It's obvious I've decided that I'm tired and I won't put my time in anymore 
You always criticise me, but it won't surprise me 
When you're showing up outside my door 
You said "What she don't see won't hurt her" 
I guess I won't be seeing you no more then 
'Cause I'm not giving up my time for someone 
Who ain't worth giving up for 
'Cause why should I try for people with eyes only for themselves? 
Too many times, you didn't answer your phone line 
It was obvious I'm not giving up my time for someone 
Who ain't gon' be enough to rely on 
I'm not giving up my time for someone like you 
I think I need someone to rely on, I do 
For years I have tried, I've screamed and I've cried 
Over losing things 
But now I just smile 
And know that I'll become wiser with everything 
With everything
0 Replies
 
anonymously99
 
  -3  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 12:49 am
@Allenmp,
Best advice I can offer is, stay away from the psychological problem woman. You deserve better as in you deserve the woman you have been in physical contact with. She deserves you as much as you deserve her.

You need to do away with the other woman. She's the real pos. Who has no life. Who has nothing in this life. It will take something close to a miracle to fix her. Her and her psychological problems.
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Wed 16 Apr, 2014 04:43 pm
@Allenmp,
Al, better response might arise from shorter paras with carriage return between
0 Replies
 
Below viewing threshold (view)
Allenmp
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2014 01:02 pm
@anonymously99,
Which one is the psychological problems woman. My ex or the other one?
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2014 01:20 pm
@Allenmp,
Allenmp wrote:

So without the whole story, ...


Wow. I'm glad you didn't give us the whole story.
0 Replies
 
anonymously99
 
  -3  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2014 05:33 pm
@Allenmp,
Quote:
Which one is the psychological problems woman. My ex or the other one?


I hate that you refuse to understand.

Quote:
I hate that you refuse to understand.


Actually I'm fine. Just waiting for you to be a man and stop acting like some immature male who does not know anything about maturity when it comes to women.

If you were my friend I would tell you I don't know what you're doing playing with the lives of two women, say I and her, but you need to stop. I mean I personally understand your mentality and can only hope one day you'll get over the fact that you and I can never be together. You're acting as an idiot. A. In the process you're hurting her for no reason. You're a pos for treating her so.
anonymously99
 
  -3  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2014 06:56 pm
@anonymously99,
I was just giving an example.
anonymously99
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2014 10:06 pm
@anonymously99,
No negative feelings are meant. Only hopes of understanding.
Allenmp
 
  0  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 09:35 pm
@anonymously99,
Your right, I am a POS. I came hear to get help and people here can't even avoid calling me a POS. I have to finally end it all. I can't take any more. Thanks and don't feel bad, you were right.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 10:04 pm
@Allenmp,
Don't worry about anonymously99 calling you a POS.

He's as mad as a hatter. Crazy, looney, nuts.

Notice how all his posts are thumbed down.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Apr, 2014 11:21 pm
@chai2,
I took a look and by golly, you're right.

PS: You forgot "infantile".
0 Replies
 
 

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