What I think of you a...
I don't think you believe in the Lord.
I believe you are extremely critical minded. Shallow if you will.
I don't think I could, even if you ever wanted, consider you a friend. You are a human as all the rest of us and do have mature love for you. But that's it.
Be happy where you are and don't regret when the future gets here. Just be understanding. Who knows. You may never feel ashamed. Doesn't matter. Maybe. I don't know.