no feeling

-So so.

You can just lie and say you find it very interesting, if you wish to please the other person.

I don't consider it a lie to say something non-commital like "it's interesting" it's just being polite.

I have a colleague who insists that he won't 'lie' to people; he appears to interpret this to include the 'white lies' that kinder people use to smooth off the rough edges of life. Having just typed that I realise he is one of the rough edges of life. It's not that he's on the autistic spectrum or anything like that; he does it consciously, deliberately and aggressively. A lot of the time it is annoying and plenty of people I work with cannot stand him, but I always know that I can ask him something and get an absolutely straight answer, and furthermore when he does say something nice it really means something.

My best advice is to be fairly non-committal, but don't tell lies.

If someone lies to me and I discover it, I deem that very serious.
It defines his or her character, in my mind. That has happened.
Then I know that this is a man who has little respect for the truth
and who is willing to lie to me. Accordingly, I know of no reason
to believe what he tells me in the future, unless I take the initiative
to verify his assertions. (Whether or not I confront him is optional.)
He is discredited for the rest of his life.

I 'm not referring to anything so mild as saying that something
is "interesting"; in my opinion, that is sufficiently non-committal
and lacking in deception.

"Falsus in unum, falsus in omnibus."

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow,
as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."





David

OmSig lies like a sidewalk.

I stopped lying in my twenties, at least that I am conscious of. There are lots of ways to temper the fact that you are not interested in a subject. Even if you have distaste for a subject, there are verbal ways to not be false to yourself and not slam the other person at the same time.

That isn't something I care a lot about.
I'm not interested in that but I can see you are.
That's not my thing, following ice hockey scores. I'd rather learn skiing any day.
Oh, really?

Actually it's an attainment in life to be able to disagree, even strongly, without alienating the other person. This is played out all the time at a2k; some trained in debate or just naturally good at it manage to be friends, even good friends, with the people they argue with.

Some interests will fall around male and female enthusiasms. Not many men are interested in the choices about how to hold your hair in a pony tail. Well, neither are a lot of women, but I'm talking about what men might consider small matters regarding female grooming. Not many women want to hear at length about the auto racing scene.. but as I say that, one of my favorite books is The Art of Racing in the Rain. (I'm a woman). Maybe I could, after listening a while, change the subject to books about racing.

Sometimes it is most useful to just listen to the person for a while. If the person goes on and on about something and brings it up repeatedly, it's actually kinder and smarter to say you are not very interested but can see why they are. Being a 'doormat' isn't useful to yourself.

I don't know much about that.
That's not my cup of tea.
I have to say, I'm not really much interested in that. (Said slowly and drawn out)
---------

You should buy a Longman Language Activator, WB.

If you want to be unpopular and regarded as a dick or weirdo. In a bar, can lead to missing teeth and misshapen nose.

You shown repeatedly that you don't have the requisite knowledge to discuss language issues, Contrex.

There is life outside of bars.

By the way, I long ago finished the Burma Railway. I'm on to newer and bigger projects like finding ways to make the depleted uranium your country left in Iraq and Afghanistan more lethal.

My biggest complaint against Bush/Cheney/Blair is that they didn't target your house, JTT.

A typical grand explanation on the language issues from Contrex the English "teacher".

You didn't actually ever take any money from students, did you?

I'm not your colleague. I don't use white lies to be passive aggressive, or deliberately or aggressively.

I tend to be overly straight with my answers, as evidenced by many of my posts here. However, IRL I want to also consider my audience.

If a friend asks me something like this, we'll have the opportunity to get into the particulars of what they were trying to say/do, and I'll have the chance to listen and address points as to why I may not particularly care for it. However, I'll remain aware I'm only one person, and may not be the audience they were trying to get to. I'll offer that for me it doesn't work, but be open that it may be great for a group of others.

If it's just a casual question of a stranger or someone I don't know well, I can boil it down to "it's interesting" since it's going to be interesting to someone. I can appreciate work has been put into a project, and want to be able to acknowledge that.

If after saying "that's interesting" the person were to pursue why, I would then admit that it's really not something I'm into, but that someone else may be able to give them a more educated opinion.

Case in point, last night someone I'd just met a few hours before told me they wrote poetry.

In general, I can't stand poetry.

But when he said he wrote poetry, and made some kind of comment that deserved a response, I softened my eyes, put a small smile on my lips, and said "ohhhhh"
He got a response he appreciated, our relationship stepped up a notch right then, and I moved on to a different subject with him.

I hope you can see from chai's and others posts, WB, that this is a bit more complicated than it seems.

Words chosen will not fit all situations. In cases like this, the tone of voice and the body language, the nuancing of different words or portions of a group of words would all make a difference.

Exactly.

You're not going to find many situations where someone says "A" and you say "B" and that's the end of it.

If I were the person asking, and the other person gave any of the original responses, I obviously would ask "what do you mean?" as in "tell me more so I can understand".

If you read my post again you will see that I said he aggressively refuses to tell white or diplomatic lies. He once did this to a guy at his siter's wedding and got 2 broken cheek bones.

You really are not very bright, C.

Well, as far as I can see, I am much brighter than you, so I don't think I'll be worrying too much.

Operative phrase, C.

Your posts, and the lack of your posts, in the various threads tell a substantially different story