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Still not completely over this email i got from husband's ex

 
 
mchalel
 
Reply Mon 31 Mar, 2014 08:31 am
A year ago i received an email from a girl id never heard of telling me that my fiance cheated on me with her. It was right before our wedding, 7 weeks before. The email said things like, i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but i'd want to know if my fiancee was cheating on me. He'll try to tell you this is a lie, but he spent the night with his ex girlfriend, they have a connection that keeps drawing them together. Naturally i went right to my fiance and asked him about it. He was confused at first, it came from an email alias of Jen, then I mentioned the name referred to in an email and he angrily said, i know who this is. It was a girl he had dated before me and he ended things with her and she went nuts. He did not ever tell me about her though. I'd never heard of this person until I got an email from her. He said they dated a short time and there was no reason to have told me and figured it would not go over well if he told me that she would not leave him alone. since i got these emails from her he sent me emails that she had sent him shortly after he ended it with her (right around the time he and i started dating) she just could not let him go. He said they dated 3 months and he did not think of it as a serious relations. Some of the emails he had sent her said things like he was sorry for ending things but he did not see their relationship going past where it was at, he hopes she'll find something she can have a family with someday etc.

Two days after these emails i went through his receipts and found a receipt that he'd been to a mcdonalds in the morning near where she lives. He has denied all along that he did anything and this is her way of getting back at him. I feel like the emails from her have created a dark cloud over our relationship. Her emails really contained no smoking guns that he did anything. They were basically like, yeah he was in my bed last Friday night, he cheated on you, we still have a connection, then in another email the day he was there had changed. I basically told her to F off (i believed my fiancee and felt she was trying to ruin us) and she wrote back getting angry and emotional about how he had treated her at the end of their 'relationship'. I have never heard of anyone doing such a thing to someone else. I never heard from her again. Here is one of the emails she sent me, the second one:

Crazy bitch…haha…Girl you are the fool…Mike was in my bed this past Friday so I dont think he thinks I’m too crazy..He was wearing 7 jeans..maroon T, plaid shirt with a hoody over it and brown shoe boots…Truth is always bitter and pain is always more..What you do with this info is your choice..Jeff will say everything and anything…..Im not going to be little myself with name calling..When Mike broke up with me it was not handle in mature manner.He just stop calling and all communication after a yr..Who does that??Until this day I have no idea why we broke up..When I asked him Sat morning his response was he was an “idiot”..Believe me I have since move on..but its a hurt you dot forget when you dont see it coming…Maybe if there was a dicussion I wouldnt have lost my ****….He cheated on you bottom line You can call me every name in the book..file a police report..what ever makes you feel better..Bottom line he was in my bed friday night..Plz dont contact me again….

My fiancee was obviously rattled that this person emailed me whether he did anything inappropriate or not. I remember him getting on the phone and calling friends and being like, do you remember so and so, well she called Molly and told her I'm cheating on her, this is crazy. He told me at one point he was going to get a restraining order against her because she kept contacting him, showed up at his work, his house. His roomate texted me to tell me that this person did show up at their house once and would not leave and he almost called the police.

It's just so bizarre as I've NEVER heard him mention her-he's talked to me about other past relationships. he said he didnt talk about this to me because she never mattered. Or maybe he didnt want to talk about it because it was right before me? clearly he mattered to her...so much that she tracked me down to either tell me truth or lies about him. I just cant stop wondering about this. I've looked back at our relationship, there are no signs that he was cheating, but i wasnt looking for any either. He doesnt seem like the type of guy who would be dating two women. He swears things were done with her before he and i got together. I never heard from her again. I just got emails from her that one day. I've never experienced anything like that. I have thoughts of what if he was carrying on an affair...especially after reading posts on this board, it just seems so common..
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 1,023 • Replies: 8

 
Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Mon 31 Mar, 2014 09:11 am
@mchalel,
Wait...you're rehashing this over again? The same advice applies as before. Nothing new has occurred, right? This woman was the loose canon. Get over it already!
http://able2know.org/topic/230822-2#post-5545839
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Mar, 2014 09:18 am
@Ragman,
Hear hear!
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Mar, 2014 12:46 pm
You posted this SAME thing i n Jan. It is now March.

Are you married to this guy?

Has anything CHANGED since that time?
mchalel
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Mar, 2014 01:20 pm
@PUNKEY,
we are still married, i just cant make sense of the emails i received. Anytime I bring this up husband gets mad.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Mar, 2014 02:50 pm
You are going to ruin your marriage if you don't stop obsessing about this stupid incident.

Has he led to you believe that he has cheated on you SINCE you have been married?

If not, you MUST let this go. Seek counseling if you can't. These crazy actions from a woman you don't know are controlling you and will wreck your marriage.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Mar, 2014 04:06 pm
@mchalel,
Have you gone to see a therapist about your insecurity yet?

If not, I'd suggest making an appointment soon. You need to do something to help yourself with your problem - and to reassure your husband that you are seeking assistance.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Mar, 2014 04:12 pm
@mchalel,
I just want to mention that you shouldn't take her describing what you husband had on for clothing very serious, because all it would take is to stalk him for a day or two and then claim he was at her house and this is what he was wearing.

My question is, how did she get YOUR email? This to me is a red flag that she is up to more than just letting you in on your husband cheating. Sounds like she is bent on revenge and wants to disrupt his life. I could be wrong but that's the feeling I get from your story.
mchalel
 
  1  
Reply Tue 1 Apr, 2014 07:01 am
@Krumple,
I dont know for certain how she got my email, but I have hunches. She emailed me at my work address-an old work address that can be found online if you search for me by my name and my company name. I'm certain that she already had stalked me on facebook as i know she saw pictures of me. My company name is listed on my FB page. So i think she took that and my name and found the old work address.

The clothing description raises an eyebrow for me...that is how he dresses often...but she would know that since they unfortunately once dated.
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