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Dating a Single Mother, tell me why this is a bad idea?

 
 
mrhunt
 
Reply Sat 15 Mar, 2014 02:54 am
So Im not always the best on meeting people, And honestly enough about 70% of every date ive gone on (which isnt alot) has been me digging through lame online dating site profiles.

Not a whole lot of Just "naturally" meeting people due to my crazy schedule and the fact that i dont go out drinking or to bars or whatever. ANYWAYS,
i met this amazing woman who i was trying to sell my streetbike to (05 ZX6R btw...) She didnt buy the bike but we hit it off and a week later SHE texted ME about hanging out.

Our first date was....Really ******* awesome. Dinner turned into a movie which ended up just being latenight cuddle makeout session (which She initiated) which turned to her sleeping at my place (insert amazingly passionate sex here), coffee in the morning and then the same thing the next night.

**Her daughter was being watched by her aunt which is why she was able to go out with me**

Our next date on monday is 3 days away and seems like so long, but working 5am to midnight everyday so cant see her in between. Now im by no means a guy who just "falls" For women, in fact after some of my other relationships the walls are pretty Solid, Emotionally speaking that is, but god damn man i woke up next to her and first thing in the morning i was like "oh god she's so beautiful!" No makeup, screwed up hair, sleepy as hell, And that was my initial thought. We share common interests, The sex is AMAZING, She looks up to me and admires where i am in my life (which is the most amazing feeling) , She's Incredibly sweet and caring and unusually honest......

Perhaps......Too honest?
- Unemployed
- In a motorcycle gang
-Carries a knife on her everywhere she goes (apparently she's not allowed to have it somehow? Court order not allowing weapons perhaps?)
-admits to Past Drug and alcohol abuse (heavy drugs...)
- Lost custody of her daughter for a period of time due to this
- Engaged 3 times in the past
- Admits to some pretty bad stuff involving her ex's upon breakups

Yeah, all this information was volunteered. She's not hiding anything, She's said how she gets really jealous and angry.
but god damn man, I love motorcycles, Who cares if she's in a gang / club? She's Totally clean and sober now And has sole custody of her daughter.
She's starting a new job next week
She's screwed up in the past, maybe alot, maybe more than others. Who cares? Im Not fazed by any of it, i dont care that she has a kid.

Hell, On monday me and her......AND her daughter and her amazing German Shepard are spending the day at the beach. It'll be the first time i meet her daughter......Im a tad nervous about it.

Talk some sense into me, tell me what an idiot i am and how blind im being. Or tell me that maybe im just being mature enough to start being more serious in relationships despite children being involved.
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Mar, 2014 03:21 am
You aren't being an idiot. Everyone has a history. It does not have to be automatically a bad idea. This could be just what you both need.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Mar, 2014 03:24 am
What she has done in the past is irrelevant. What matters is how she lives her life now. Only you can know that. Just don't rush into anything.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Mar, 2014 08:19 pm
Wow, you seem to be moving VERY fast.

You are already meeting her daughter?

Please slow down and process everything. There are many things that need to be revealed here, and time is needed for that to happen.
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Mar, 2014 01:55 am
@PUNKEY,
yeaaaaah, I know. we slept together on the first date which she sorta initiated. but like, i feel like im in a point in my life where i might be ready for kids? Maybe thats why dating her isnt scary whatsoever.....

You mentioned all the information that needs to be processed, can you give some examples? this is new territory and i understand its difficult and different from dating someone without children but i dont know Exactly how.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Mar, 2014 06:37 pm
@mrhunt,
You listed a lot of things that need to be discussed before getting involved with her. Her relationship with and for her daughter is paramount. You need to really look at that.

Time reveals all.

PS - safe sex AND pregnancy prevention is a must.
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Mar, 2014 07:29 pm
@PUNKEY,
Thanks punkey, honestly ive been sorta "lax" on that one. Which i realize is INCREDIBLY Stupid of me. With her i only used protection when i was going to finish. And even then she didnt seem to want me to.....

We all know how it is in the heat of passion to stop things put put on a condom, totally kills the mood, i know its pretty dumb of me so i appreciate the reminder...
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Mar, 2014 07:59 pm
@mrhunt,
How long have you known her?
How old is her daughter?



Whatever you do, don't forget contraception. At this point, you might want to discuss contraceptive measures you will be taking before anything else happens. You probably don't want to be supporting a family too soon.
indiadating
 
  0  
Reply Mon 17 Mar, 2014 03:01 am
@ehBeth,
Yes it is really a good stuff I found here.
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Mar, 2014 03:39 am
@indiadating,
I know, i get it. Im incredibly stupid for not practicing safe sex. We've talked about contraception, she's not currently on the pill. i use condoms only to finish, i'll cut it out. but enough about the safe sex, Is it smart for me to be dating someone like this?
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Mar, 2014 10:20 pm
@mrhunt,
Soooo Second date! And about 10X More amazing than the previous one, and Way more scary too.

First we met up and went bowling.....With her daughter.....And brother, Strangely enough it was pretty good! Then i went to her place, were i nonchalantly met her mother and father......went to the mall with her daughter, walked around shopping and it was somehow amazing and so sweet. Shop keepers kept mistaking us for a family (calling me "dad") and it only freaked me out about 10%.....Thats pretty ******* low!

And then we went back to my place and just talked and cuddled and held each other for HOURS, and feel asleep in each others arms. we both shared so much with each other, and both our feelings are very clear, i told her how ive never felt this way about another woman before.

although, she wants to join the military to provide a better life for her daughter and needs someone to marry. we talked about that alot last night, i told her how i couldnt stand to have her marry anyone else (on paper) while we were together. i even said when it came down to it and if we were still together that id do it,

about how i didnt want her to leave for the military and loose her forever.....and she says to me : Well if you did it, it wouldnt be just on paper, you could come with me wherever i go. and im considering it, and its totally insane. and then this morning she says to me as im dropping her off:
Dont fall in love with me too fast, i like to take things slow.

and last night something was said and she goes "thats the kinda thing that makes a girl fall in love" and i say to her "thats the plan" ......And kissed her on the forehead.

God dammit im so happy around this girl, and so scared im going to get hurt and destroyed if it doesnt work out, id give up everything to move with her and be her husband and live with her and her daughter and us be a family. and her daughter is so Freaking adorable, and she's so great with her.

What the hell is wrong with me?
0 Replies
 
relationshippro
 
  0  
Reply Wed 19 Mar, 2014 02:20 am
@mrhunt,
Who told you its a bad idea?? First its not a bad thing. and do what you want to do dear. Don't listen other talks...
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Mar, 2014 02:59 am
I guess im just scared cause she has a kid and has issues, hell we all do. Im scared she's gonna join the military and im going to loose her forever and thats why we were talking about a "marrage" last night. i made it clear it would devistate me if she married someone else on paper just to join when i would do it for her in an instant right now.

ive never felt like this before about someone and im scared of loosing her or getting hurt. and even scarier is that everyone i talk to about it says the same thing, that its great and nothing but positive. Its really a good sign.
VictorKh
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Mar, 2014 07:33 am
@mrhunt,
I think the really bad idea was asking here about things, you should know yourself. Only you can feel and know the right answer. (Sorry for my weak English.)
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Thu 20 Mar, 2014 08:25 am
You are making some BIG plans here with someone you don't really know. They say you need to go through all the holidays (i.e. a full year) to get an idea of what a person is really like. Again - slow down!! You are smitten with this girl and her family and the kid - all those things you have issues from your own past.

Being a military spouse is very challenging. But I really don't think she's going to get into the military. They are tightening up qualifications, college required, not criminal past.

Take it slow and spend more time with her. Keep yourself under control - and don't become a daddy sooner than you really are capable of, kiddo.
Romeo Fabulini
 
  2  
Reply Thu 20 Mar, 2014 08:30 am
Quote:
MrHunt said-Talk some sense into me

Same as with any other new relationship, just chill and go along for the ride to see how it all eventually pans out..Smile
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Mar, 2014 05:06 am
@PUNKEY,
Im aware of how the military works, Im a combat Medic in the Army Reserve,

And yes she does have a crimial history, Tattoos, piercings, a single mother and a history of drug abuse. Im well aware that those are all completely disqualifying things for entrance, ESPECIALLY in the airforce which has some of the strictest entrance requirements.

Were going out tomorrow (the whole family, including the dog) followed by a romantic dinner with just us. Im leaving for a month for a School in the army, when i get back were going to maui for a weekend to do cute adorable couple stuff (not that big of a deal, i live on a neighbor island)

but your right, i havnt known her that long. and i AM making big plans. but who's to say im not ready? Or this isnt what i want? Are you saying its just what i THINK i want at the moment cause im all love drunk and ****?
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Fri 21 Mar, 2014 06:17 am
@mrhunt,
I'd recommend not getting any further involved with her child at this point.

I'd also suggest that someone who is willing to bring to bring new people into her child's life by the time of a second date is not someone to become seriously involved with. It shows a lack of understanding of other people's emotions and is extremely disrespectful of her child.

Casual dating with this woman is where you want to be.

No more time with the child - for a few months at least. Partly to make sure she has the ability and sense to make good childcare arrangements.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 21 Mar, 2014 06:19 am
@mrhunt,
The issue is not that she is a single mother, but that she doesn't appear to be a woman who is particularly tuned in to the requirements of parenting - which suggests she may not be strong in the development of other positive relationships.

Sounds like she is new to being responsible - give her some more time to grow up.

Dating is good.

Leave the child out of it.
0 Replies
 
relationshippro
 
  0  
Reply Sat 22 Mar, 2014 04:09 am
@mrhunt,
No need to scare about it, even when I was 21 years old I dated one single mother who was 30 years old and my friends know about that and they tried to tell me that its wrong but we was in truly in love with each other so we just ignored others talk.. even she also faced some problems from her family but we just ignored..
0 Replies
 
 

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