Cheating husband

Getting counseling does not have to be wedded to staying with him.

I do, though, urge you to get counseling. Start to think about your strategy. Yes, a strategy. How will you raise your children if you need to be on your own? How will you handle things if you stay, and he has a third affair? You're going to need a strategy, and some coping skills, whether you stay or go.

Is there a pattern there? With the pregnancies, he has affairs?

You have a lot of time and energy invested in this guy. And there are the children to consider.

Please go to counseling for yourself. Then go to couples counseling.

Yes....I feel like that was somehow my fault in a sense. With all of my pregnancies I got up to a whopping 270 lbs. I was huge, pregnant and miserable. It took time for the weight to come off too. Now, at 5'7" I weigh 155 lbs and I am finally feeling better about myself and my body. But should I even use that as an excuse? I know things like that could play a factor, but when you love someone, is being fat a reason to cheat?

What type of counseling do you think I should seek? An actual therapist?
I wonder if group therapy would help in being able to hear other people's stories and what they have done to cope. I know for a fact I could not handle this again for a third time and that is what makes it more difficult because I don't know if it will or not. It is a gamble either way I suppose.

Make an appointment with a marriage counselor; on your own, and you'll be better able to consider all your options.

Good luck and remember: this is no longer just about you; it's about your children too.

I'm with panzade. Head to a marriage counselor (this is their specialty). They will listen; they've heard it all before. They will not necessarily tell you to stay or go, but they can be a resource if you have questions as to how you will cope, either way.

I understand your hurt. I have been married for 30 years and found out that my husband has had 7 affairs starting in our 2nd year of marriage. The first four where much older coworkers 1-3 times each and then he had a gap of being faithful. Ten years later he had a fling with another coworker around our age but then got into having a 5 year affair and then a 6 year affair again with coworkers. The last two women he made me think that they were my friends. All of the women were married and all of them knew that he was married. There is no doubt in my mind that he has a problem. We have been seeing a very good therapist. Let me tell you this... it isn't an easy road to take. I thought that I was going to have a nervous breakdown. It was so overwhelming. Remember that you need to do what is right for you. Give it some time for your emotions to settle down and then make your plan for the future. People will judge you if you stay but it is not up to them. Everyone that you tell will have something to say about it. Be careful who you tell. No one knows what they would do until they walk in your shoes. Good luck to you and stay strong.

There is a free group that is national called Beyond Affairs Network. You may find it very helpful. They hold meetings usually twice a month and have a lot of on line info for you.