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Is it me? Need Insight. Help!

 
 
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 10:58 am
some background: I've been dating this girl for 9 months who is a year younger than me. we met through mutual friends. At first i was completely uninterested, as i had been talking to a couple of other girls but she grew on me. We ended up hooking up at a party, and continuing to for the next 2 months with some ambiguity. She always told me she wanted to be exclusive and had feelings for me, but I could not settle at that time. about 2 week later i decided it was time to become exclusive. Anyways, the problem is here: I have an issue with her past. She was been with 3 other men prior to this, and was a big partier. Wouldn't exactly say she dresses modestly all the time either and it bugs me. Her friends are also insane; they are undoubtedly women of loose morals, if you will. I have preconceived notions of this girl because of her friend group, although most people say she has never really been like them. I obsess over the fact she's been with these guys and in to the whole hook up culture since her sophomore year of high school, but its not like I haven't been there too. Its often times a big portion of what i think of when i see her or am with her and it just grosses me out. The idea that these other guys have been where i have turns me off. Now at this point you're gonna think I'm a complete hypocrite. I have slept with 8 other girls, and have cheated on my current girlfriend multiple times. She knows of each case except the most recent (i intend on telling her soon.) Each time she takes me back, with some reluctancy. She has never really done anything to allow me to distrust her, but i simply can't, and then i think of her past and it becomes worse. She often times will put my happiness in front of hers, and is 90% really good to me. I'm always torn between whether its best to rid of this toxic relationship, or actually make conscious strides to bettering it. I don't feel the same fiery intensity as i used to, and she hasn't been making me happy on a consistent basis anymore. This has been different than any relationship i have ever been in, but something always drives me back to her and i don't know why. Help?!
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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 1,786 • Replies: 22

 
View best answer, chosen by jpolaski234
hawkeye10
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 11:21 am
@jpolaski234,
I am with you, always buy new, never pre-owned. This will however prove to be a problem if you find yourself in the market at 50 years of age.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 11:22 am
You really aren't ready or mature enough to be in a relationship.

jpolaski234
 
  0  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 11:37 am
@PUNKEY,
on what grounds do you say that? an elaboration would be helpful
hawkeye10
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 11:55 am
@jpolaski234,
You did not understand my post? I am crushed!
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 12:22 pm
0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 02:39 pm
@jpolaski234,
Alas no offense Jp but next time better response if paragraphed--with carriage returns--and possibly shorter or fewer sentences
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 04:19 pm
@jpolaski234,
jpolaski234 wrote:

..... Now at this point you're gonna think I'm a complete hypocrite....


Actually, I was there a few sentences before.
0 Replies
 
secondusername
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 06:11 pm
@jpolaski234,
My thoughts on your post that started this thread..

Your situation. is a mess.

Walk away from it. Nothing good, positively life changing will ever come of it. Advice. I take as mentioned as helpful advice. Whether you will or not is your decision.

But this is me assuming you want one woman for the rest of your life. If not then pay my response no mind.
jpolaski234
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 07:56 pm
@secondusername,
I can't help but feel like I'm making a mistake though, because I haven't tried hard enough. If I can stop the projection of my own emotions, as well as overlook her menial flaws, is there a way to start anew? It is like beating a dead horse, but if I were to work on myself before allowing her back in to my life could it become positive?
secondusername
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 09:03 pm
@jpolaski234,
You're/she's either in love or not.

But. If you honestly want to stay with her and you want it to work.. get inside her head. Make her fall in love with you. Stop being immature about disliking what little flaws she has. If you're in love with her those little flaws would mean nothing to you. And if she's in love with you she should want to stay there at your home with you, be your sex slave. You would in a way be her master. Think about it.
jpolaski234
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 09:09 pm
@secondusername,
She is head over heels in love with me, maybe i forgot to make that clear before, my apologies. She tells me constantly. A day goes by without a text and she's devastated, or thinking what she's done to make me upset/not want to talk to her. She has sacrificed a lot for me with no reciprocation. It would be a no brainer for any other guy to change and not have treated her poorly, I just don't know why I cant get myself to do it.
secondusername
  Selected Answer
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 09:22 pm
@jpolaski234,
You need to be completely dedicated to her as she is you.

I'm assuming, there's something wrong with you? Bothering you.

If it is another woman on your mind you need to get her off your mind. Good possibility it won't happen between you and the woman you have on mind. The one who has sacrificed a lot for you is who you need to have on mind. No matter what. Love her. Treat her well. She's the love of your life. Didn't work with you and the other woman because it wasn't meant. The other woman has chosen a path by now. You should understand that.

But hey. There may be no other woman. On your mind. I was thinking of a possibility. I'm sure you're a good guy. Confused about what it is you truly want. I'm telling you. This woman who is madly obsessively in love with you is your woman. You need to be greatful for her. Not every woman is like her. I'm not. As I think to myself I'm some fu**ed up nut case. Who believes my phone is evil and has thoughts about having it ran over or bashed with a hammer from time to time.
secondusername
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 09:29 pm
@PUNKEY,
Quote:
You really aren't ready or mature enough to be in a relationship.


You seem to be a negative person PUNKEY. May I offer you some advice?
0 Replies
 
secondusername
 
  0  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 09:33 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
I am with you, always buy new, never pre-owned. This will however prove to be a problem if you find yourself in the market at 50 years of age.


I don't understand your post, but I want to. Will you help me understand your post? I'm not being sarcastic.
0 Replies
 
secondusername
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 09:35 pm
@dalehileman,
Quote:
Alas no offense Jp but next time better response if paragraphed--with carriage returns--and possibly shorter or fewer sentences


I am thrown off by this response.
secondusername
 
  0  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 09:39 pm
@secondusername,
Quote:
As I think to myself I'm some fu**ed up nut case. Who believes my phone is evil and has thoughts about having it ran over or bashed with a hammer from time to time.


I'm starting to think I have extreme anger problems.
0 Replies
 
jpolaski234
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 09:48 pm
@secondusername,
you my friend, are a genius. Sometimes you just need affirmation from other people and you have given it to me. I'll see what the next month entails after having worked on myself, and fully put in an effort that has so long been missing from me in this relationship.
secondusername
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Jan, 2014 10:08 pm
@jpolaski234,
Quote:
you my friend, are a genius. Sometimes you just need affirmation from other people and you have given it to me. I'll see what the next month entails after having worked on myself, and fully put in an effort that has so long been missing from me in this relationship.


For some reason your response made me feel bad as in I should had never responded to your thread. But I had noticed the word help so I was hoping I could be of some kind of assistance. Because I feel, I seriously feel horrible I feel I need to throw some kind of humor in. I'm not sure if it is me wanting to be sarcastic or not. So I don't feel too bad.

0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  5  
Reply Tue 28 Jan, 2014 11:47 am
@secondusername,
You don't grasp much and neither did your 3 other persona.
Not going to bother thumbing you down.
Back you go on ignore.
 

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