I've been thinking of cheating on myself.

Forums: Humor, Cheating, Parody
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I know it's wrong but I just can't help myself. I just don't pay as much attention to myself as I used to. It's getting boring and I think maybe it's time to step out of my stale personal relationship and get something from somewhere else. Is this a good idea? If I do cheat should I just lie to myself rather than admitting the truth? Do you think my left hand will know what my right hand is doing?

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Type: Discussion • Score: 14 • Views: 2,472 • Replies: 29

@parados,

Get a Puerto Rican, they’re hands free. It’s like having a Hoover vacuum around the house.

1 Reply

@parados,

I had this problem years ago, but every time I tried to confront myself in a mirror, I found it difficult to even make eye contact. Worst, when I tried shutting one eye or the other, I saw myself shifting back and forth as if I had somewhere more important to be.

Joe(I put a stop to that by poking out my left eye.)Nation

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@Joe Nation,

If I were a pirate, I'd rate your response with an Arrrrrr.

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Cheat on myself? Hmm...eliminate the middle man. Sounds efficient. I like it.

But Joe probably knows best.

--E(he always does)va

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WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!

I COME HERE LOOKING FOR HELP FROM EXPERTS AND THIS IS ALL I GET?!!!!!!!!!

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@Joe Nation,

I do wonder if I will be able to look myself in the eye if I do cheat. But you have made me realize I will have to look myself in the eyes. I'm not about to poke out one eye over this like you did. It's not like I'll be sleeping with my mother and have to poke out both eyes.

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@parados,

You need to go to places where you're not likely to bump into yourself. Find out what your plans are for the day then you can make sure that you don't see yourself.

For instance if you hate opera then the opera house is a place where you know you'll never be, and you might find someone there.

1 Reply

@parados,

Sorry, parados, but I have a major problem with this. I mean, if I cheat on myself, I won't have anyone else to blame. That wouldn't work for me.

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@jcboy,

jcboy wrote:

Get a Puerto Rican, they’re hands free. It’s like having a Hoover vacuum around the house.

I just can't get this image out of my mind.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

I think I might be able to find where I hide my password to my calendar. Do you think it would be OK for me to secretly log in to look at my calendar to see where I'll be so I can avoid myself? What if I find out I stole my password to my calendar? Should I deny it?

What if I hate opera and then I really hate opera. Do you really think I can find myself at the opera house?

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@parados,

parados wrote:

Do you really think I can find myself at the opera house?

That's the last thing you want to do. If you see yourself get out. And deny everything.

1 Reply

Give it careful consideration. What if you end up having to split from yourself and your better half gets all the goods!

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@izzythepush,

Should I deny it in Italian or German?

1 Reply

@Germlat,

I hope I'm not that psychotic that I split from myself over this.

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@parados,

Oh, I don't know. I've always wanted to have two houses.

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Quote:

Do you think my left hand will know what my right hand is doing?

When I was young, guys used to say that if you sit on one hand until it goes numb, then jerk yourself off, it feels like someone else is doing it.

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@parados,

Quote:

I hope I'm not that psychotic that I split from myself over this.

You do sound troubled, Para. My advice: Let The Universe Happen. My Better Half and I look forward to Friday popcorn and I to three exotic imported brews Tuesday

Sunday, Monday and Wednesday a slice of sharp cheddar

Thursday and Saturday cold cup of nutty yogurt

Why not after all

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@chai2,

jcboy wrote:

Get a Puerto Rican, they’re hands free. It’s like having a Hoover vacuum around the house.

Quote:

I just can't get this image out of my mind.

Shame guys for racial implications

Otherwise it absolutely made my day
Maybe two, Chai 2

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Quote:

Parados asked: Do you think my left hand will know what my right hand is doing?

Who are you mate, Doctor Strangelove?

1 Reply

I've been thinking of cheating on myself.

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