I've been thinking of cheating on myself.

Who does he think he is, Michael Jackson?

parados, I've been pondering your dilemma. The only way I can think of that you can cheat on yourself and not give yourself away is to get amnesia. You won't remember you cheated, so you'll be able to deny it with honesty and integrity. How do you get amnesia? Conk yourself on the head and see what happens. Be sure to leave yourself a note so that if you get amnesia, you'll know you're supposed to cheat.

I'm getting confused. You figure it out, you cheater you.

What if he cheats on bonking himself on the head? I think that task should be outsourced, perhaps to the fine folks on the subcontinent.

Wish I could help you with some sage advice, Parados, but I'm having problems of that sort myself.

And to make things much worse for me...apparently somebody (maybe my better-half, Nancy) has been messing with all the mirrors in our house, so that now when I look into one and try to go eye-to-eye with myself...instead of me being there, all I see is some beat-up, haggard old guy staring back at me...looking confused...as though he is trying to figure out why I am staring at him that way.

So...if you think you've got troubles....

You ask if to reply in German or Italian? I would recommend both in Italiano and Deutsche. In this way you could have bier und pizza together.

I'd cheat on myself only if I could be on top.

I wish I would cheat on me. Man, our sex life is getting a little stale. And I haven't been taking very good care of me lately either. Maybe some extra-me loving would be the ticket.

I've never ventured beyond the stage of holding hands with myself.

I was going to cheat on myself once. But on the way to the hotel I looked in the rear view mirror and saw myself following me. I drove for several hours trying to lose myself, but every darn time I thought I'd lost me, I looked in the rear view and there I was again. Finally went home and begged myself for forgiveness. I'm still sleeping on the couch. But I'm hoping next week I will let myself back into the bedroom.

So if you are intent on cheating on yourself, just be careful. And never tell yourself where you are going. So if you do go to the opera, keep it a secret from yourself.