and @cherrie Thanks both of you.
Well cherrie, i tried my best. After our family issues, i have never talked to the kid. Well, i had met him four times and as a child whenever i met i did everything. Once when they had come to my place, the boy's family planned a trip of 2 weeks, i was doing my studies at that time.
I never fancied kids much and he was and kept hanging around me for 3-4 which i found frustrating but i did because my mum wanted. The boy insisted i should come to trip with them and just for his sake, he was asking me over and over, crying. So, i cancelled a planned trip with my friends and i had some other coursework to catch up with but i went with their family. Like i said they are selfish lot, i was literally abused, treated like an outcast, no one gave a damn to me and i was literally bored for 2 weeks. I wanted to return back home within, but the kid holded me back.
When he went away, i missed him for 1-2 weeks but still i wished him on every single b'day of his without making a reminder, making expensive international calls.
And here i am in this country, i met him some time back, he gave me same old time back for 10 days. How many 11 year old ask their any relative they meet to go out and make plans himself, play games with them, talk with them, tell them any random things, tell them pranks? So if someone does all this with me, won't i feel like bonded with a child and like a friend?
As i said, i have other niece and nephew too (cousin kids). I meet them at an event, or when i come to their house. Give them smile, ask them how they are doing and don't give a damn to what becomes of them. With him I had a lot of good memories.
I went through emotional and physically bad time in a foreign country, and a friend does not even remember me, what became of me in 1 year? It just gave me feeling of a used condom, or even worse as all my emotions and sacrifices were for free.
I guess my fault is i am idealistic, not practical, lack of self obsession and lack of treating relations like duties. I guess the best way for now is to get over this and further any such thing in future is to somewhat withdraw myself from relations (except my parents and real brother).
I know the boy might not have any fault, but what i went through was it just? Was it my fault? That's the thing that haunts me, and why i see him in dreams i don't know. It started when our family had issues, and they are all clean dreams, all about the time we had and like things are back to normal.