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Do selfish teen boys become the same loving and caring adults as they were during childhood?

 
 
Pep007
 
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 03:38 pm
I have myself been through this situation and i am a young adult (male). I know a 12 year old boy since his childhood, who used to be in great terms but over time out interaction is getting lesser and lesser.

His parents are very selfish people so i always wondered if it is normal for teens to be little selfish but become the same gentle creature as adults or is it because of his family from which he is learning.

I am sometimes nostalgic of those times. I was quite attached to that boy.

Thank You
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 03:40 pm
@Pep007,
You have posted this before.

He GREW UP to be a nasty teenager. And he doesn't like you any more.

Deal with it.
Lordyaswas
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 03:45 pm
@Pep007,
Does anyone else think that this is a spooky post?

Sturgis
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 03:54 pm
@Lordyaswas,
Quote:
Does anyone else think that this is a spooky post?

That is putting it mildly. I find it both disturbing and disgusting,

This part in particular:
Pep007 wrote:
i am a young adult (male). I know a 12 year old boy...

...I was quite attached to that boy.

Makes my stomach turn.
cherrie
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 04:14 pm
@Lordyaswas,
I think ' creepy' is the word rather than ' spooky'.
0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 04:29 pm
@Pep007,
Probably depends almost entirely upon the behavior of his parents as he grows, especially when another kid comes along in the meantime
0 Replies
 
Pep007
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 04:57 pm
@Sturgis,
just tell me, if a father thinks his son has changed, a brother thinks his brother has changed. Do you still feel the same way??

I know 4 boys of this age (8-14) who are related to me and i don't give damn to them. Why this boy, because i have some precious time with him. He came out of blue to me as a child, stayed with me all the time and i grew attached to him. How can i forgot 4 weeks of good memories i had?

And i just want to figure out, what's wrong with my friend? Does he no longer cares or what, or is it because of his parents? If your best buddy does not talks to you, won't you try to figure out whats wrong?
0 Replies
 
Pep007
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 05:04 pm
@PUNKEY,
Kinda, but like i said i am living alone in here, my family lives in a foreign country. I think loneliness, all the betrayals i had seen from friends and family over here. I am studying in a top engineering school here but my research isn't yielding anything, still looking for job and my graduate funding is over too. So under lot of stress and maybe that's why i can't forget my friend and growing more nostalgic to that time.

I yesterday saw him again in my dream, the same dream of talking, kidding with each other, those happy memories. I sometimes think how will my graduate school end, when would i get a job, i had some initial debt from bank which i need to pay. All these tensions are just eating me, so i guess my craving for a close friend has increased.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 05:22 pm
Our poster may not mean it in a creepy way, what a pile on.

I was and still am attached to my niece (I'm a woman) and she had a tough time in childhood from early on. Nothin' creepy re me and her and I'll be glad to say she has been very dear to me and me to her. For any who have read me about any of that in the past, she is now starting her later twenties and doing really well. Very responsible, more able than me now, more spark, and she had whole bouts of wisdom even when all those hard times were going on, though all that varied. I won't take credit (she was always observant, even at two) but all the times she visited me, flying by herself early, gave us time to talk and talk and talk and talk. Oh, and cook.

On the other hand, you could all be correct about the poster - I just don't assume that.

My niece, I remember our walking our neighborhood, well, where my husband and I lived, me telling her the names of plants and her repeating the names exactly (too bad it was all in latin). She was 4. Important memory.
0 Replies
 
cherrie
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 06:25 pm
@Pep007,
I vaguely remember your earlier post now. Wasn't the kid your nephew or cousin or something?

You really need to get over this and move on with your life. He's a child, why would he want to be best friends with some-one your age? He probably has his own friends, who are his own age.

It's also possible that he finds your obsessiveness a little bit creepy, as some of us do.

You need to concentrate on your own future, instead of living in the past.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 06:36 pm
@cherrie,
I remember that now and I get that - I think his loving the child is/may be legitimate but the fixation is a sign of being stuck on his own loneliness and sense of alienation from family.

I don't know, Pep, if you can reach out to those around you, since I take you as self aware and scared, but look around - all those people are not "others" - they have this stuff going on in their own minds, just different matters. Look around.
Pep007
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Dec, 2013 08:20 pm
@ossobuco,
and @cherrie Thanks both of you.

Well cherrie, i tried my best. After our family issues, i have never talked to the kid. Well, i had met him four times and as a child whenever i met i did everything. Once when they had come to my place, the boy's family planned a trip of 2 weeks, i was doing my studies at that time.

I never fancied kids much and he was and kept hanging around me for 3-4 which i found frustrating but i did because my mum wanted. The boy insisted i should come to trip with them and just for his sake, he was asking me over and over, crying. So, i cancelled a planned trip with my friends and i had some other coursework to catch up with but i went with their family. Like i said they are selfish lot, i was literally abused, treated like an outcast, no one gave a damn to me and i was literally bored for 2 weeks. I wanted to return back home within, but the kid holded me back.

When he went away, i missed him for 1-2 weeks but still i wished him on every single b'day of his without making a reminder, making expensive international calls.

And here i am in this country, i met him some time back, he gave me same old time back for 10 days. How many 11 year old ask their any relative they meet to go out and make plans himself, play games with them, talk with them, tell them any random things, tell them pranks? So if someone does all this with me, won't i feel like bonded with a child and like a friend?

As i said, i have other niece and nephew too (cousin kids). I meet them at an event, or when i come to their house. Give them smile, ask them how they are doing and don't give a damn to what becomes of them. With him I had a lot of good memories.

I went through emotional and physically bad time in a foreign country, and a friend does not even remember me, what became of me in 1 year? It just gave me feeling of a used condom, or even worse as all my emotions and sacrifices were for free.

I guess my fault is i am idealistic, not practical, lack of self obsession and lack of treating relations like duties. I guess the best way for now is to get over this and further any such thing in future is to somewhat withdraw myself from relations (except my parents and real brother).

I know the boy might not have any fault, but what i went through was it just? Was it my fault? That's the thing that haunts me, and why i see him in dreams i don't know. It started when our family had issues, and they are all clean dreams, all about the time we had and like things are back to normal.

thank you

0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Mon 9 Dec, 2013 10:48 am
Your dream may represent a stress-free, wonderful time in your life and you were spending time with a fresh, fun, young person who probably adored you and entertained you. This was a real care-free time for you.

Now, you are in a stress related job and relatives (especially older ones) are not meeting your needs. So your mind goes back to that nice time in your life. You yearn for those feelings again.

You don't mention friends or what you do for recreation now. Do you have a girlfriend? What do you do in your spare time?

I think you are lonely and emotionally, you live in the past. Thus, you dream about a time long ago when life was carefree, simple, and full of acceptance and love.

Can you talk to someone about this? (therapist or good friend or older adult)
Pep007
 
  2  
Reply Mon 9 Dec, 2013 07:59 pm
@PUNKEY,
yeah, you are right to quite a things, maybe i think about how much i cared for him, how much he adored me and how well we went on with each other. It is weird that hardly anyone understood this bonding, not just because of a social norm. The boy never spent time with anyone else or planned things like he did with me.

It was my past but it generally takes me good time to get over such close relations. When i was 13, i had quite good relation with my 10 year old cousin (girl). We used to be really crazy to talk to and meet each other but she became something else as adult, i felt bad for like few weeks but then i was over it. I am emotional kind of person, though some people say it is little rare for boys. I had strong bonding with this boy, i am alone in this country with lot of pressure, uncertainity and tension even after lot of hard work i am putting.

I generally don't get much spare time nowadays but during free time, i watch some movie, or if some of my friends are free then go and chat with them for a while, and make some plan for weekend to go nearby (This is a small college town, so nothing special to do). No i don't have a gf, i liked a girl in school some time back, she used to discuss all her woes and problem with me but now she is stress free, so she no longer talks to me. Feels bad but life Razz
0 Replies
 
 

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