Attracted to a younger man

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I am a 48 yo separated woman very attracted to a 29 yo coworker. He has been very flirtatious for the past few months and I started to reciprocate. After a particularly bad day on my part we were talking and then we hooked up. He finished really quick but that was okay. The next evening at work he was acting different, no flirting, just basic conversation. I made some comments about getting together again but he did not respond. This really bothered me and I felt stupid and used and I sent him a message telling him so. He said it was not so but things got weird. I sent another message about that night and how I can't wait until he finds a new job and to stay away from me. He sent back a nasty message in kind. After a few days we apologized and we are friends again. I realized I have feelings for him and that's why I was so upset. I want to try to get together and see what happens. What can I say or do to make this happen? Please help.

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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 2,591 • Replies: 46

View best answer, chosen by PAWestie

@PAWestie,

Gosh.

You unsatisfyingly hook up with someone, they become distant and don't quickly snap to it and respond in kind, and you immediately get nasty. And then unsurprisingly the nastiness is reciprocated.

And you really want to go back to this?

1 Reply

@jespah,

Yes. I was with my husband for 27 years. I think that's why I got upset and nasty because I felt guilty and took it out on him. We discussed this and he understands. I just thought since he pursued me for so long that there was more to it than just a hook up. There are plenty of younger girls at work he could have went after. I wanted to be with him too. It was not one sided. I don't want to miss out on something with him but I am not sure how to approach this. I am honestly looking for advice, not to be made to feel foolish.

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@PAWestie,

I'm sorry if you feel that way, but from a more objective perspective, this doesn't look like such a hot bargain.

But fine, you want to be back together? Ask him out. And don't hook up. Propose an actual date, with dinner and conversation and all of that. If he's interested in more than a hook up, he'll go. If he isn't, or if he pushes it into a hook up, you'll know.

1 Reply

@jespah,

I was going to take the chicken way out I ask him in a message on Facebook about what he thinks. I don't know if I can ask him to his face. I don't want to put him on the spot or make myself look like an idiot. This is really scary because it's the first person that I felt like this about. Thanks for taking the time to reply. It's greatly appreciated.

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Quote:

PAWestie said: He finished really quick but that was okay

At least he didn't fire a blank.. Wink

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

LOL. It really did not matter. This guy is different. Many people at work think he's weird and/or annoying. I find him refreshing and very attractive. I hope I didn't blow it with him. I am afraid to ask him. There is a 28 year age difference.

1 Reply

Quote:

PAWestie said: There is a 28 year age difference.. I hope I didn't blow it with him

Blow what? Oh never mind, perhaps he thought he'd give it a go with an older bird to see what it was like, then found out he didn't like it but is too shy to say in case he hurts your feelings.
Get yourself a hunky macho stud around your own age from the Religion boards.. Smile

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

The Religion Board? That's funny. Also, I'm not an old bird, I'm just looking for some advice. You've been such a big help. Neutral

1 Reply

@PAWestie,

PAWestie wrote:

There are plenty of younger girls at work he could have went after.

you don't know that he hasn't

~~~

you're interested in a man who is several social generations younger than you are. sexual hookups mean different things for different people - especially when there is a 19 (not 28) year age difference.

if you want to have more than a sexual relationship with him, you're going to have to try to talk to him directly about it though he may be more comfortable 'discussing' this by text. find out if he's interested in dating you or just interested in you on a random sexual basis.

he may be annoyed by your attempt to turn this into more than a hook-up. make sure you're prepared.

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I'm in Plymouth England, so if you live near me come and knock my door, i don't usually let strangers in, but whistle "Colonel Bogey" and i'll know it's you.. Smile

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@PAWestie,

You're 48.

You are an old bird to a 29 year-old.

If you're lucky, you've found a 29 year-old who's interested in an old bird for more than a curiosity hook-up.

(I'm an even older old bird)

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@ehBeth,

Did the math wrong. Thanks.

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@ehBeth,

Oh I know he has been interested in others at work. I also know I am older than him. He says age doesn't matter and it doesn't matter to me. The real question is the best way to approach this. I know I may get my feelings hurt. I just wish I could get some useful advice. This may seem like nothing to the people replying but it does to me. I just want to know how to approach this. I appreciate that you replied though. Thanks.

1 Reply

@Romeo Fabulini,

My soon to be ex is an Englishman. Not going to make that mistake again.

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@PAWestie,

Quote:

The real question is the best way to approach this.

Quote:

I just want to know how to approach this.

The question is - what is "this".

Sex again? more than sex?

Has he contacted you in any way (other than responding to you) since the hook-up?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I see him at work. He always comes over to talk to me, see how I'm doing, flirting a little.. I just want to talk and see where he stands, does he want to hook up again, does he want to get to know each other better, or if he just wants to be friends. I can't help how I feel. We really enjoy talking to each other about everything but I am having a hard time with these questions.

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@PAWestie,

You need to start by finding out if he is willing to spend non-sexual time with you outside of work.

Ask him out for a coffee/similar after work.

If it seems it's a hook-up only relationship for him, figure out if that will be ok for you.

Don't go into it thinking you're going to change his mind about what 'this' is.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Thank you. This advice was very helpful.

1 Reply

Quote:

PAWestie said: My soon to be ex is an Englishman. Not going to make that mistake again.

If he's anything like that overgrown spoilt brat Piers Morgan you were right to give him the boot.. Smile

PS- I wouldn't mind marrying an American bird like this who owns a ranch, she can rope me, throw me and brand me anytime she likes..

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g64/PoorOldSpike/stanwyck2.jpg

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Attracted to a younger man

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