How to be nice about asking that the kids not come?

Forums: Etiquette, Baby Shower, No Kids
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Hi:
A friend of mine is throwing a Jack and Jill Baby Shower for her son and his wife.
They are expecting their first.
My friend wants to invite between 45-50 people.
We went to the venue tonight (a nice restaurant) on the West Side.
The shower will be on a weekend afternoon. (four hours) (Sit-down dinner)
She's leasing the whole restaurant, but the space is small, legally limited to 51 people.
Here's the problem: it's a nice space, but, if everybody shows, things will be cramped. Add to that, what if say, ten people decide to bring a kid or two? Yikes. Right?
Is there a polite way to put on the invitation "Adults Only" without making it sound like a bachelor party?
Or are we, my friend and I, just worrying over nothing, that people invited to a Jack and Jill Baby Shower won't bring their kids along without having to be told 'don't'.
What do you think?
♥Joe(thanks for your ideas)Nation

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Type: Question • Score: 11 • Views: 3,116 • Replies: 22

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@Joe Nation,

I've never heard of kids being invited to a baby shower, so don't feel bad about putting "adults only, please" on the invitation.

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@Joe Nation,

Quote:

Is there a polite way to put on the invitation "Adults Only" without making it sound like a bachelor party?

That's not going to be restrictive enough. If space is so limited that anyone beyond those who are invited then even extra adults are going to tip the party past the tipping point.

The invitations need to be pretty specific regarding who can and can't attend. The invitation should be the person to whom the invitation is addressed and +1 ONLY. Though to be fair, I'm not sure why that plus one can not be a minor unless it's an issue regarding the restaurant's liability and their fear of an open bar and the presence of minors.

BTW: What the heck is a Jack and Jill baby shower? Sounds really thematically annoying to me.

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Yes, I'd definitely put ADULTS ONLY on the invite and maybe specify there's limited seating so only the first 50 (or whatever) who RSVP will be able to get in. Don't worry so much about that, though - a lot of people don't want to attend baby showers Smile

I'd give it a pass and drop the gift off when I had time for a visit.

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I'd never heard of a Jack and Jill Baby Shower either, but apparently it's what all the younger set is doing now.
Both males and females are invited.
I'm going to go because I want to support the happy couple, but ay-yi-yi,,,,,three hours of opening boxes and bags of baby stuff!

Joe(there's going to be a cash bar. I'm there, baby)Nation

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@Joe Nation,

Joe Nation wrote:

I'd never heard of a Jack and Jill Baby Shower either, but apparently it's what all the younger set is doing now.
Both males and females are invited.
I'm going to go because I want to support the happy couple, but ay-yi-yi,,,,,three hours of opening boxes and bags of baby stuff!

Joe(there's going to be a cash bar. I'm there, baby)Nation

Didn't I see a commercial warning against this kind of thing during football season...while watching a football game this week-end???

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If the venue only holds 51 people and they're planning on inviting 45-50 people I suppose I'd try to design the invitation to look something like a ticket that said "Admit One Adult" or something like that.

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@Joe Nation,

Honestly I think I'd just explain the above.

"Our venue is charming but on the small side -- the legal limit is 51 people! For that reason we are asking that only the invitees attend, no children or additional guests. Thank you!"

And then not plus-one it, just invite the specific people they want to attend. If it's that number they should already know various couples etc. and invite both of them.

1 Reply

According to certain reliable source:
Embarrassed

It's going to be a spicy affair! Embarrassed

http://tinyurl.com/m8ozlh6

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@sozobe,

sozobe wrote:

Honestly I think I'd just explain the above.

"Our venue is charming but on the small side -- the legal limit is 51 people! For that reason we are asking that only the invitees attend, no children or additional guests. Thank you!"

And then not plus-one it, just invite the specific people they want to attend. If it's that number they should already know various couples etc. and invite both of them.

I think that's the perfect solution soz.

You need to be honest and specific.

I've hosted dozens of work related events, and every single time, a few people show up with kids in tow.

Joe, just be prepared that some people will say they have problems finding a sitter.
If that happens, my response would be "It's a shame you won't be able to attend, if you can find a sitter, let us know"

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

Um. No,,,,,not that kind of Jack and Jill. Although I should check,,,,,no one said there wouldn't be any hanky panky....

Joe(After the first hour of "Oh, isn't that the cutest...." I'll be ready for some panky.)Nation

1 Reply

@Joe Nation,

You've been fortunate enough to have never been to a baby shower, huh?

After 2 minutes I'm like "shoot me now"

1 Reply

@chai2,

We can only hope and pray for Joe that the bar is open and flowing the good stuff.

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

Why the hell would anyone want to subject guys to a baby shower?

That said, why would anyone want to subject women to a baby shower?

Oh look, another set of tiny socks!

If I were pregnant, I'd send all my friends a text saying "send me $30 or I'll make sure your invited to a baby shower."

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@Joe Nation,

A sit-down dinner for a Jack and Jill?

How very Noo Yawk.

While I would definitely say adults only, I'd also make sure that the invites are very clear that they're for the recipient of the invite only. Not sure I'd go with Soz's phrasing but I'm all out of nice ways to say things today.

and to be safe, probably only invite 40 - 44 in the first go-round, and give them a short response time so more invites can go out if needed to fill the space.

~~~~

separately ... why do some people love baby and engagement and wedding showers/jack and jills/stag and does ... so much?

I don't get it, but they sure are loved by some.

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@Joe Nation,

Joe Nation wrote:

I'd never heard of a Jack and Jill Baby Shower either, but apparently it's what all the younger set is doing now.

ha! the younger set

maybe it's a regional thing that's travelled

Jack and Jill baby showers have been going on up here for at least 30 years (how did I get so old?). I always thought they were preferable if people had to have showers. Not as many stupid games involving diapers and rolls of toilet paper if it was a mixed crowd.

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too many people who insist upon taking their brats to all manor of inappropriate functions has cured me of any compunction to being direct. "adults only" will get a call to the effect, "I really must bring brat vvvnnn which is certainly ok, right?" , to which my response is "no it is not OK, we will miss you".

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@chai2,

I like your response!

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Thanks to everyone for their input. I passed all of them on to my friend.

I was surprised that David didn't suggest shooting all the children showing up.
I was surprised that JTT didn't chime in with a nice anti-American screed.
And
godblessusall, Spendius didn't bloviate at all.

Joe(sweet)Nation

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I think if there is limited space, then put Adults only there is no issue for because everybody can understand the problem so don't be sad..

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How to be nice about asking that the kids not come?

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