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How much money should I put in this card?

 
 
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 11:30 am
My friend's sister is getting married today and I have a card for them but I'm not sure how much money I should put in it. Does it matter that I'm going to the wedding solo? I was thinking $40. Does that sound like enough? Is there some unwritten rule about the minimum that one should give?
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 11:37 am
That seems a bit low to me and I don't live in NYC. My own unwritten rule is to put more in a card than I would have spent on a gift, and I usually spend about $50 on wedding gifts. So I think at least $50...

I don't think it matters that you're going to the wedding solo, no.

Of course, nobody NEEDS to give a gift at all... don't want to be too obnoxious about that. If you give $5, that's still fine. Just my take on it.
0 Replies
 
TTH
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 11:53 am
I agree with sozobe.
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kickycan
 
  2  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 11:54 am
Well, I guess $50 it will be then. Seems like a lot of money for a vegetarian dinner at a wedding for someone who I don't really know all too well, but what the hell. Maybe I'll get lucky and be seated next to the love of my life.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 11:58 am
Kicky, it seems you're neither pleased with the thought of giving a gift
nor with the idea of going there in the first place. So why don't you
just send a card, wish them well and stay home?
0 Replies
 
TTH
 
  0  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 11:58 am
sozobe wrote:
Of course, nobody NEEDS to give a gift at all... don't want to be too obnoxious about that. If you give $5, that's still fine. Just my take on it.
You did read this part right? So, if you don't want to give $50 then give $40 or whatever you're comfortable with.
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Intrepid
 
  2  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 11:59 am
The usual would be about the same as it would cost to feed you at the wedding. $100 - $150.00 would be appropriate.
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martybarker
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 12:04 pm
Kicky,

In my opinion I think your about right on the money amount. Personally that is about what I would spend on a gift for a sisters friend. $40-50 could easily find a gift on their registry too. Some places even wrap the gift for you.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 12:15 pm
I'm fine with the $50. which sounds a bit grander than $40. and seems appropriate to me.
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Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 12:24 pm
Intrepid wrote:
The usual would be about the same as it would cost to feed you at the wedding. $100 - $150.00 would be appropriate.


God forbid I ever do it again, Intrepid is invited...

:wink:

$50 makes you a grown up.

Rock
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kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 12:46 pm
Well then I choose to be a grown up. I guess.
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Izzie
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 12:57 pm
$50

Have a great time - solo is coco - hope you meet someone fab to dance with. Enjoy.
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Chai
 
  4  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 12:59 pm
yeah, $50.

and don't stay home.

you've rsvp'd and they've planned on that amount of people.

if you don't go, you'll be totally responsible for ruining this brides perfect day.

how can you stand being so selfish kicky? ruining the most perfect day in this womans life?

sometimes, I just don't know about you.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 03:34 pm
In Toronto it's a minimum of $100 cash/person.

If it's an Italian/Chinese/Pilipino or similar style wedding, it goes up to $150/person in the envelope and another $50 - 100/man for dancing with the bride.
Bella Dea
 
  4  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 11:55 am
$100 to $150 for just ANY wedding?

Holy ****.

I always give $50 to someone like Kicky's friends sister. And $100 to those that are friends.

Paying for your meal and drinks at a wedding? No, I don't think so. The party is put on by the bride and groom to celebrate and you don't pay to go to a friends party on a Saturday night. A gift should be looked upon as a gift and one should never snub their nose up at any gift given. Some people can't even afford $50 but want to give what they can.

I don't think there is a standard so much as what you feel comfortable with and if the couple think you're cheap, they aren't much of friends anyway and who cares. Most people know the financial situation of the people giving them gifts. At least enough to know that they may not be able to give $150.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 12:41 pm
@kickycan,
The gift shouldn't (aside from what many people believe) be an offset to the price of the dinner. It should reflect the situation (wedding more dough) and how well you know the receiptant and obviously dependent on your own financial sitution (ie don't go broke to give a gift). Typically I give $100 for a wedding, but usually I only go to weddings that I know some one pretty well. For a close family member maybe double that.

I think this situation would be appropriate to give $50 - unless you have plenty of money.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 12:43 pm
@Chai,
One thing I would suggest - if you can't go or change your mind - call the bride or some one that will let her know - usually you can adjust the number of meals up until the day before. It will save her the price of your meal.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Aug, 2008 12:47 pm
@Bella Dea,
Funny I have always heard such controversy over cash bar vs. open bar. It really depends where you are from. I have attended both in the northeast and cash bar is typically more expected and not considered at all bad manners just part of the course. When you hear open bar around here - it means party time.

Also, one item to note if you do have an open bar since you are paying for everyone to drink you now become legally responsible for anyone who drives drunk (at least this is the case in Mass). We were told it is better not to have open bar for this reason. We had a couple of bottles of wine put out for each table instead. Anyone who wanted more had to pay.
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 01:13 pm
@Linkat,
It's funny you should mention that regarding different standards and what not in different parts of the country. My brother is getting married and his bride to be's family don't dance or drink at their receptions. My family parties like tomorrow is their last day on earth. They are from different areas and each has their accepted values.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Aug, 2008 01:43 pm
@Bella Dea,
Yeah - it can vary by region and by family.

At my wedding we did something that I would normally consider tacky, but was common for my husband's family and where he grew up. His brother requested it - basically guests pay to dance with the groom and bride.

I actually liked it as I got lots of cash this way.
0 Replies
 
 

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