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My gift was re-gifted. Should I be upset?

 
 
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 10:45 am
I gave some close friends an expensive bottle of wine as thanks for inviting me to spend time at their summer house a few months ago. I would only give a gift like this to people I consider close friends, and they seemed genuinely touched to receive it.
Last night I attended a party at their house. A mutual friend, whose birthday was a few weeks ago, told me about the fabulous bottle of wine she received from them. It sounds like the same wine I gave them a few months ago (same vineyard, etc.).
I have no proof, but I believe my gift was re-gifted. Am I wrong to be offended?
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 11:25 am
@SophieFatale1980,
SophieFatale1980 wrote:

I have no proof, but I believe my gift was re-gifted. Am I wrong to be offended?


you're planning on being offended based on no evidence?

Rolling Eyes

there are so many other ways to read this situation

____

you might want to think about why your instinct is to 1) think something was re-gifted and 2) think regifting is an offense.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 02:52 pm
@SophieFatale1980,
There is every possibility that they do not drink, therefore in their eyes, giving this gift to someone who can use it is better than leaving it on a shelf.

A gift is given, out of love. A gift is a gift what the person chooses to do with it is up to them, you should never feel anything about it from there unless you are materialistic and give a gift expecting to get something back in return such as a better friendship out of guilt.
Tes yeux noirs
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 03:02 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
No need for the OP to jump to conclusions and feel that they have been disrespected in some way. In any case, it is kind of tacky to be "upset" about such a little thing.

Quote:
There is every possibility that they do not drink, therefore in their eyes, giving this gift to someone who can use it is better than leaving it on a shelf.

Another possibility is that they drank it and enjoyed it so much that when they wanted a special gift for someone they bought another bottle of that wine; this would reflect credit on the giver of the original bottle.

Quote:
A gift is given, out of love. A gift is a gift what the person chooses to do with it is up to them

Exactly. My mother always said "It's the thought that counts".
0 Replies
 
Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 03:03 pm
@SophieFatale1980,
Quote:
Am I wrong to be offended?

Completely wrong.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 03:09 pm
@SophieFatale1980,
Your gift was very thoughtful, but it might not have been appropriate for these friends. They may have felt uncomfortable drinking an expensive bottle of wine because they felt they couldn't appreciate it. Or, maybe they loved it so much they bought a similar bottle for their friend. The key point is you put a lot of thought into a gift and it was well received. That is all that counts.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 05:06 pm
@SophieFatale1980,
Maybe they drank it and loved it so much that they thought it wouled a wonderful gift for someone elsr. Maybe you should feel complemented instead.

Or maybe it was some other completely different bottle of wine.

Is it really worth being offended when there is no way to know?
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 05:07 pm
@Linkat,
Seems everyone has similar thoughts.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 06:08 pm
I'm more interested about book lending and recipients tossing. There lies a quagmire.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 06:21 pm
@SophieFatale1980,
I would ask two questions...

1) What are the alternatives to getting upset?

2) What would you, or anyone else, gain by being upset? How would getting upset be better than the alternatives.

0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Nov, 2015 06:32 pm
Sophie hasn't shown up to reply.

Gifts are gifts, sometimes because the giver cherishes them.
The recipient may not care so much for the object. If you held that particular bottle in so high esteem re who they as friends mean to you, you could have said so. People don't always fly under the same radar.
0 Replies
 
saab
 
  3  
Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2015 03:51 am
And what if the friends liked the wine so much that they bought exactly the same kind of wine to give as a present.
It certainly has happened with books. I get a book I really like and then I buy the same to give to someone else.
A box of god and expensive chokolat looks the same.
An expensive luxury soap....
I can give a long list of gifts that look the same but are not re-gifts
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  0  
Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2015 04:55 pm
C'mon, let's all discard the sadhu robes.

If the friends re-gifted, there's nothing wrong with being miffed.

It's not an offense worthy of dissolving a friendship, but I get why the OP was miffed.

Advice should be directed towards mending the potential riff and not telling someone they are a boorish clod for having a perfectly natural reaction.

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2015 05:23 pm
@Finn dAbuzz,
To me this is a bit similar to lending a favorite book to someone and saying you wanted it back, only to find it was tossed or goodwilled by the friend. There are some books I'd love to see again.

Some of this may also have to do with money. I'm on the low money end, have spent a relative lot of my purse over the years re my weakness for books, and buying another copy has been a No.

In my case, I understand all those friends doing the tossing, basically they forgot or I should have been more insistent, and I also understand myself being miffed.

So, I do get the OP, Sophie, being miffed, but hope it isn't a friendship stall.

Re a gift, I tend to be sentimental about any gifts from people I care about.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 3 Nov, 2015 07:09 am
@Finn dAbuzz,
The point I think most are making is --- it may not have been a re-gift so why waste your time even being upset?

Now say they did re-gift. What if they do not drink? Is it better to have the gift thrown in the trash?

To me then - What should be the reaction then if someone were to be presented with a gift that is not appropriate? I mean this seriously not as a jab to anyone - what do you think is the appropriate reaction/steps in that case?

The only time(s) I can think I re-gifted was when there was an item I wouldn't possibly use - I did not want to offend the gift giver and I appreciated the thought, but in one case it wasn't something I would use and in another it would not go with the style of my home. So I thanked them and then later asked someone who I thought would like the item better if they would like it. I didn't pass it off as an actual gift, but thought it would be better served to have a use rather than thrown in the trash or sit in a box for years until I moved again and then was tossed or donated with other stuff I no longer had use of.
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