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How to start a conversation with a random woman

 
 
Reply Sat 17 Aug, 2019 04:54 pm
I ma a single man and looking. Logic says that there are many single and looking women all around me, it's just a matter of finding them. Starting the conversation isn't impossible for me, my problem is keeping it going.

When I am at a bus stop (public transit), or in a grocery store, or in a fast casual or fast food restaurant, and I do not see a ring on either the left or right fourth finger, I will sometimes compliment her outfit, "I hope it is okay for me to say, that your outfit is quite pretty / gorgeous / awesome", or whatever adjective, something close to that sentence. That is, if I genuinely think she is dressed nice. Most say thank you, and keep on going, rather than allowing the conversation to continue.

I tried one other thing, it's not really sincere, but it has a built-in way of keeping the conversation going, I tried something like, "I hope this doesn't sound weird, but you look very familiar to me, yet I cannot figure out from where" as a starter. It's a little easier to find out of the woman is single that way, as we are trying to figure out how we may know each other, I can mention "I am single, are you on Bumble or Tinder or another dating site? Maybe I saw your picture and we didn't connect." A few people indicated that they were, but even though we were both single they showed no interest in conversation. Yet, what gets me, the same people will bury their face in the phone app out of loneliness, and pass up a chance right in front of them.

My question: Especially seeking opinions from women, is there a way of starting a conversation with a random woman in public and keep it going? I'm more confident with one on one conversations rather than the online garbage.
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Sat 17 Aug, 2019 07:28 pm
@John987654321,
I don't know where you live, but #1, why are you avoiding talking to women with a ring on their right hand? I see via google women from some Eastern European countries do that. Maybe you live there.

You're comment of "it's just a matter of finding them" amused me. They're not hiding bub. We women are actual humans living their lives right out in the open.

Again, this is maybe a language or cultural thing, but why are you asking a womans (or anyones) permission to say something nice to them? Where are you that you have to "hope it's okay for me to say" that you look nice? What do you expect the woman to say? "No, it's not ok for you to say that."

It's good that you only say it when you actually do believe she looks good, but saying superlatives like "gorgeous", "awesome" is a bit overkill.

If you want to go the compliment route, first try to just give them out to all and sundry, as long as it's really how you feel. What's that got to do with picking up chicks? Well, nothing that's going to have an immediate result, but you're sure going to get better at being able to talk to/be pleasant with, another person, male or female. Being comfortable speaking with anyone leads to being comfortable with speaking with someone in particular.

I'm a woman, and I give compliments to both men and women pretty much every day. It's not scripted, planned or with any intent but to help the other person feel good. They are mini relationships that last from anywhere from 2 seconds, to the time it takes for the elevator to get to the 9th floor.

When you give someone a compliment, go into it with the purpose that you are really Giving someone something. A thing of value. You're giving without wanting or expecting anything in return. It's all about uplifting the other person (which actually does result in your receiving something also)

The other person receives a feeling of validation that a choice they have made was successful. That something they intended met the mark.

Compliments coming from me can range anywhere from "Those are nice shoes" to either a man or woman I'm briefly standing next to. To something that turns into a full blown (yet brief) conversation.

2 examples. I'm a woman of a certain age. The other day walking across the parking lot I saw a similar type woman obviously heading back from lunch. She had on this outfit that 100% I would never wear because it just wasn't my style, but I could see that she had really put it together carefully, and it worked on her.
As I approcached her I said (and remember, this is one woman over 50 to another) "You are Totally rockin' that outfit" The delight that poured off of her, the validation of her choices, spread out in all directions. I'm sure she wasn't thinking of me specifically 5 minutes later, but I'll bet she still had the remnants (or more) of feeling positive, proud of her abilities etc.

Also recently, I was taking the elevator and there was a young (under 32) man standing next to me. I looked over and said "That..... is a really nice bag". It was, beautiful leather, looked like it had maybe been a gift. He hefted it, really smiled and said something like "Thanks. My wife gave it to me." I mentioned that I thought you could really tell a lot about a person by the quality of their bags, shoes and such. He got off the elevator walking maybe a couple of millimeters taller, not just appreciating his leather bag, but his wife who obviously had very good taste. (I also found out his name was Chuck on the ride up)

So what am I getting at? Get more proficient in just spreading good vibes man.
You're not going to get a date with the person standing next to you in the supermarket line. Especially when your followup is "So are you also on this dating site"? That would make me cringe away from you a little, even if you compliment was sincere. My thoughts would be "Yeesh. Another guy giving (not really giving, just doing it to get something back) a compliment, when he's just on the prowl." Or similar.

Start practicing for a few weeks just actually Giving another person something, with no thought of getting anything in return. In the process you'll also grow, and give yourself a gift. Chances are, you'll see the same person or people in the same coffee line, waiting for something, or at a nearbly table in a restaurant.

Which brings up a question....When you compliment someone, would you even remember their face a few days later? Developing a relationship from a random encounter, to a nod and smile between you because you both come to the same starbucks, to talking for a minute or 2, etc. takes remembering the person.

Hey, if in 45 seconds I can learn that Chuck has a wife with good taste, and that he works at the software place on the 9th floor, and that he's been working there about 6 months, there's hope for anyone.

Just saying "Your dress is awesome" isn't going to go anywhere. What is she supposed to say that will support a back and forth?

Noting that "Wow, the print on that dress looks like a Salvadore Dali painting. So cool" Might produce a multi-word response.

There is no script. Be interested in others, and they will find you interesting.





0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Aug, 2019 08:03 pm
1. Never talk about clothing to strangers.

2. Don’t refer to dating sites.

Ask directions, restaurant recommendation, sports scores.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  0  
Reply Mon 19 Aug, 2019 11:33 am
So why the **** isn’t there a custom where we simply wear tags that say 'Looking for Partner/Wife/GF or whatever.
We make stuff so ******* hard for ourselves.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Aug, 2019 12:12 pm
@Leadfoot,
Because unfortunately that would be enough for some people to base a relationship.

Too many people want to put the cart before the horse. This OP apparently wants to speak a few scripted words to another, and Bang! Zoom! Ya got yourself a date. No concept of conversing and actually listening (god forbid) to what the other person is saying back to you.

Is there anything wrong with talking to people that Aren’t looking to go on a date? Are we so self obsessed that we will only communicate with someone we think we can get something out of?

Being comfortable conversing with strangers takes practice. First with whoever is around you that is non threatening to you. It takes observation of what the other person may want to talk about with you.

For instance, someone who starts off a conversation with me about sports scores better observe that my eyes have immediately glazed over.

Plus if you are looking to find someone to date, you do realize the every person you get to know may not be interested in you, even if they are available. But they do know other people that may be.

I myself am introverted. But I am open to others. They’re just people. Some don’t want to chat, some do. Some people you realize you don’t care for very much, some you feel a bond with.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Aug, 2019 05:14 pm
@chai2,
Quote:
Because unfortunately that would be enough for some people to base a relationship.

Seeing Jodi Foster in a movie is enough for some people.

Of course It wouldn’t have to be anything as crude as that. Maybe an unobtrusive color code on an article of clothing or accessory. There are countless situations where it would be welcomed by many if someone noticed and asked if they would mind taking their card. No awkward need to invent a phony conversation and no obligation to call if they didn’t want to. I would love to live in that world.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Aug, 2019 07:07 pm
@Leadfoot,
Leadfoot wrote:

No awkward need to invent a phony conversation and no obligation to call if they didn’t want to.


You're a perfect example of not listening to what the other person was saying.

I agree. There's no need for phony conversation. I'm all for real conversations, and letting someone showing interest towards you in that way it's not being returned.

I'm for conversations with all people.

Funny thing. Everyone you talk to knows someone else.

The worst thing that happens when you talk to others, is you learn about them. Isn't that awful?


Leadfoot
 
  0  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2019 06:35 am
@chai2,
Have you never been in a situation where there was no opportunity for conversation at the moment and didn’t know if there would be another?

Maybe it’s just me. Wouldn’t be the first time.

I probably suck at noticing when your eyes glaze over too. But then I’d never bring up football. (or I might think that glint in your eye meant I had you at 'hello'). So damn hard, you know?
0 Replies
 
nacredambition
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2019 07:10 pm
@Leadfoot,
Quote:
Maybe an unobtrusive color code on an article of clothing or accessory.


Perhaps an identity bracelet which would also be handy in case I get lucky but there's a medical emergency or the need for identification.

I'd eschew, "Hey babe, they call me Leadfoot, and you know what they say about guys with heavy feet (wink)".

To increase the likelihood that she is random I'd insist she be drawn from a normal population of at least 35 women to minimise sampling error.

Talking about



Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2019 08:23 am
@nacredambition,
I can’t quite make out that code on your bracelet. I get the 'ambition' part but the rest is new to me.
nacredambition
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2019 08:10 pm
@Leadfoot,
Please don't tell anyone I'm homophonic, I'll cop a she llacking.

'Talking about things' is my way of suggestively singing about objectifying with intent to procure.
glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2019 08:30 pm
@nacredambition,
Well now I'm completely flummoxed.
roger
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2019 09:32 pm
@glitterbag,
She often has that effect. I'm glad she's here.
0 Replies
 
laughoutlood
 
  0  
Reply Thu 22 Aug, 2019 12:40 am


Random whoa oh woman
Have you got meeting on your mind ... on your mind
Something's long between us
That your laughter cannot hide
And you're afraid to let your eyes meet mine
And lately when I try it, I know you're not satisfied
Random whoa oh woman
Have you got meeting on your mind ... on your mind

I've seen the way men speak with you
When they think I don't see
And it hurts to have them think that you're that kind
But it's knowing that you're talking back
That's really thrilling me
Random whoa oh woman
Have you got meeting on your mind ... on your mind

A woman wears a certain look
When she is on the moo
And the bull can always tell what's on her mind
I hate to have to say it
But that look's all over you
Random whoa oh woman
Have you got meeting on your mind
Random whoa oh woman
Have you got meating on your mind

Oh ooo err
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 22 Aug, 2019 06:08 am
@nacredambition,
Well, I guess we could have a code for price range too.
Eliminates all that bargaining at the car window.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Aug, 2019 09:09 am
Lets take "random" out of the question, because I'm certain the women he wishes to to talk to are of a narrower range than random.
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Thu 22 Aug, 2019 09:50 am
@bobsal u1553115,
Maybe he's really into Roger Zelazny.

Quote:
Corwin's brother, Random, tells of his attempts to rescue their brother, Brand, and Corwin decides to find out what happened to the latter


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chronicles_of_Amber
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Thu 22 Aug, 2019 10:48 am
@izzythepush,
I don't think he's got the depth required to plumb this work.

He just wants to chat up a woman long enough to find out how low her standards are.
0 Replies
 
 

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