Reply
Thu 14 Nov, 2013 02:04 am
Please, please keep this in mind:
I come from a Christian background, and parents who taught me ZERO about male fantasies. All I was taught, was that if your man looks at another woman, he's basically not worth the time of day. I was not brought up with the right tools to equip me to deal with situations like this, AT ALL. In fact, I was taught quite the opposite: that men who look at other women, are bad.
My jealousy doesn't feel like a reflection on my character. Despite the fact I know the way I feel is wrong, it doesn't seem to stop the feelings.
Okay, so I found my partners Tumblr likes.
Fake tits. Everywhere. He's lied to me by telling me in the past that he isn't attracted to them. He obviously is attracted to them, and now I think 10 times less of him. I see him as a dirty, disgusting pig "like all the others". At this point in my life, I feel like I've had too many bad experiences with men and their dumb fantasies.
1. My father insulted my appearance, calling me "blackhead" because of my black hair. One of the first comments I remember him saying about my looks, was when I was around 7. He was drunk, and told me, "You know what you need? A good dye". I didn't know what dye was.
2. My first partner, when I was 15 years of age (himself, 7 years older), insulted my appearance, and argued with me when I wanted to go without makeup. He would demand I dress up in a set list of erotic outfits for him, even though I had School to worry about. This triggered the on-set of Body Dysmorphic Disorder which I suffered with for 8 years.
3. My third partner would tell me when to shave, and ordered me to shave my legs because I was "an embarrassment". I was humiliated.
Despite the fact that my partner tells me that he loves me as I am, I call bullsh!t. He's happy to love me, buuuuuut... is happy to gawk at all these Barbies on the side?
At first I said we should break up. Then I said I want him to HELP me look like that, if he's going to be with me. I want to be on-parr with women that look like that, otherwise I'm simply a sub-par JOKE. He's with me, but he likes Barbies. Time for me to change so I can fit that so I won't feel like a freaking idiot for being with him.
I have violent fantasies about picking up about slamming one of these women into his face. I'd never do anything like this, but my mind resorts to them to try to make myself feel better. I know this is messed up. I don't know who to turn to, or where / how to get help. I've never met anyone who seems compassionate about jealousy, so I'm worried if I told someone, even a doctor, they'd laugh me out of their office, or just scowl at me or something.
I'm insecure as hell that he likes fake Barbie women. My breast size is 32C. I SUCK compared to the fantasy women he likes. Why don't people see how hurtful this is? I just want to be around people who feel similarly to me. I don't know anyone who does.
@sogreenimshehulk,
While you are here on the internet, do a search and take a look at what is happening with the typhoon survivors in the Philippines so you can get some perspective on your worries about your breast size.
@Butrflynet,
Wow. **** you? Inconsiderate asshole.
How about YOU don't worry about ANYTHING EVER AGAIN?
I sure hope you live a life void of all worry.
@sogreenimshehulk,
There is nothing wrong with your breast size - only the damage that the men in your life have done. I'm sorry this pattern started with your father and I'm sorry that he didn't protect you from the 23 year old who I hope was charged with statutory rape.
Your current partner may well be very happy with your body. And even if he did sometimes wish you had bigger tits (it's spelled with an i not an !) he probably recognises (as you also should) that is only one - not very significant - aspect of who you are. And it certainly shouldn't be affecting your sense of self worth. He's not trying to get you to get implants in the same way the other men in your life have tried to control your appearance. I think lots of people in happy relationships have their private fantasies - which should be just that and no one else's business. If everything else in your relationship is good (and healthier than your other relationships with men) then I think you should talk to him about your feelings and move on.
@sogreenimshehulk,
I suggest counseling, as you are going to need some tools for dealing with this that go beyond violent fantasies. You'll need some help with self-esteem, too, in order to accept who you are and not as an adjunct of whether some guy thinks you're up to snuff.
Plastic surgery is all well and good, but what happens when you start seeing tumblr pictures from his feed of redheads? Women with smaller noses? Black women? Or any other combo? It stops being about you, and it turns into converting yourself into someone else's fantasy
du jour.
And what happens if the relationship ends, and you end up with a bunch of work done that someone else doesn't like, and you're stuck paying for?
Counseling, on balance, is cheaper and more effective.
You don't say how old you are, but your childhood experiences are still affecting you today. Perhaps you are choosing men who perpetuate all your negative feelings about yourself. (Can never please alcoholic verbally abusive Daddie, feelings of never looking good enough)
Yes, counseling is a good idea.
And remember: You seem so angry about his FANTASIES. Are you making a bigger deal about this than what is there? That's low self-esteem drama.
@sogreenimshehulk,
sogreenimshehulk wrote:
Wow. **** you? Inconsiderate asshole.
How about YOU don't worry about ANYTHING EVER AGAIN?
I sure hope you live a life void of all worry.
So much for making a play about your christian upbringing, eh?
I think what butterfly was saying, is that you should get a bit of perspective in life.
I know that's very hard for an immature, spoilt brat who flies off the handle when challenged, but give it a try, eh?
@Lordyaswas,
Seriously what is wrong with people here? I come here for help and I get this worthless bullshit from self-superior fuckwits like you? If you want to talk down to me, and have nothing helpful to say, what are you doing here? That's WAY sadder than an "immature spoilt brat flying off the handle" over a crock of crap "advice". At least I'm looking for help.
Being the idiot you are, you COMPLETELY missed why I mentioned my Christian upbringing in the first place. I wasn't saying "Hey folks, I'm a happy-clappy Christian. I'm also jealous". I was saying "I was raised in a place that taught me that lust in sinful, that a man so much as looking at another woman and thinking lustful thoughts means he's cheated on me."
I'm not a Christian anymore partly BECAUSE of the way it teaches people to betray their natural sexual nature.
@Lordyaswas,
...You're just absolutely ******* pathetic.
Thanks all of you who took the time to reply compassionately.
I made the mistake of signing up to this forum thinking it was just centered around jealousy when just any old one can respond here. That explains some of the responses. I'm off to a specialist forum for jealousy!
jealousy does not seem to be the major problem here, coming to terms with being a sexual submissive is, along with eroticism in general. you are the kind of girl who would get giant fake tits you dont want to please your man, bravo I say but dont do it till you are more at peace with who you are.
@sogreenimshehulk,
Thanks for the pm's by the way.
When dealing with potential bunny boilers, I would prefer to keep this and all future messages in the public forum, if you would be so kind.
You say...." You disgust me. Shithead."
....then a second message....."I hope there comes a time YOU reach out for help when you're in need, only to have someone tell you:
"Think about all those suffering in third world countries".
When you're suffering REAL ******* hard.
THEN talk back to me. I'll laugh in your stupid face."
My reply is that you should try to stop being such a spoilt, childish brat who goes ape-poo when they don't like a response.
Thank you.
@sogreenimshehulk,
Quote: I see him as a dirty, disgusting pig "like all the others".
I think you are the one with issues here. People look. It's a fact of life. The fact that you have had 3 partners means you have looked in the past. Does that make you a dirty disgusting pig like all the others? I don't think so nor does looking make him a dirty disgusting pig.
I think Jespah has the right advice. You need counselling. This isn't about how you look. It's about how you think. You have some serious issues you need to deal with.
Telling a Dr about your feelings won't get you laughed out of their office. It would be a first step in getting the help you need.
Sogreen said:-"My first partner would demand I dress up in a set list of erotic outfits for him"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That can work both ways, for example you could demand that he dresses up as Tarzan or Tutankhamun or Flash Gordon etc, it's all good fun, I hope you've got a sense of humour!
I once dated a woman who always dressed dowdy in a long dress, cardigan and flat shoes, and when I suggested she could glam herself up a bit she went ballistic and yelled at me "I'm not going to look like a trollop for you!" so we split.
As for men, some prefer big titties and some don't, I HATE big titties and much prefer a nice slender lithe female shape!
@Romeo Fabulini,
This wasn't some "cutesy dress-up on odd nights" happy couple fun-time thing you think it is. This was a strict, set list of clothes, underwear and outfits he expected me to pose in and dedicate time to taking image sets for him. He would get furious if I didn't do these for him. He would get furious if I didn't have time to wash the clothing sets and take images of myself in them. Heck, even if I over-slept one night (read: went to bed at a reasonable time for an actual School girl), **** would hit the fan. Once he got the images, he would Photoshop them. Change my eye colour, put my head on another woman's torso.. "improve me". I was seriously abused by this man for my sexuality and I don't have a sense of humor about that.
I had SCHOOL. I had exams and studies, real **** I had to do.
@Lordyaswas,
Oh boo hoo, I don't give a crap if you post and whinge about the messages here?
If you can't TAKE my insults, you shouldn't be dealing them out in the first place, you silly little pathetic brat-face.
@sogreenimshehulk,
sogreenimshehulk wrote:
Oh boo hoo, I don't give a crap if you post and whinge about the messages here?
If you can't TAKE my insults, you shouldn't be dealing them out in the first place, you silly little pathetic brat-face.
Anyway, you smell!
(Pulls pigtails and runs away)
Sogreen said- "This was a strict, set list of clothes, underwear and outfits he expected me to pose in...I had SCHOOL. I had exams and studies, real **** I had to do"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Call me a dummy but i'd have thought dressing up as Red Sonya or Helen of Troy would have been more fun for you than boring old exams!
Anyway you're using past tense, so have you left school and become an adult young woman by now ?
If so, nip out and buy yourself a Cleopatra outfit and tell him to come round dressed as Mark Antony for a bit of fun on the Nile..
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace