Should I get married. My 2 concerns. Need advice quick

I think you are answering for yourself.

You just need people here to give you some sort of confirmation.

If you are stewing on this now, just think how resentful you will feel when the deed is done.
Have you even hinted at this problem in conversations with your future spouse? It may be that she is under the impression thar you are more than happy to proceed with the plan.

Talk it through, and be straight with each other. Quickly.

Her child support as a college fund sounds quite reasonable, even though I recognize the your and her income will actually be used for ongoing expenses of the children. I agree with you on the the home equity part, as it is a part premarital assets. You should find out how the law will regard that part of the arrangements. It's possible that while the house is clearly premarital, income from it's sale just might be regarded as current income. In fact, if the anticipated $30,000 represents a gain on sale of assets, it would be current income at least from an accounting stand point.

You should really be talking to a lawyer in regard to this point, whether you are able to come to an agreement or not. All things considered, it might not be a bad idea to discuss prenuptial agreements at the same time. It does sound like this is a good time to tie up all those loose ends. Keep in mind that a good lawyer may not be able to make an appointment within your one month time frame. You need to get busy.

You didn't ask, but I am generally not in favor of joint accounts, unless there is to be a specific checking account intended for payment of bills.

Yes I have hinted and she gets very upset. Cries, gets mad and tells me that she has a lot to offer. She does have fabulous kids. She has dated very wealthy guys in the past and broke up with them because the attraction wasn't there. She could have easily married one of these guys but didn't. So money on the surface doesn't seem to be a motivator. But her actions show different.

For what it's worth, red, I would pull out. But I'm a "there's plenty more on the market stalls" chap. If you don't think that you'll just have to see it as part of the deal and if you close the deal you shouldn't complain later. You certainly have been warned in a pretty forthright manner.

Well, if she's turned down rich guys and values attraction over money, she wouldn't mind if you were penniless, would she?

I have no idea of your situation, nor your life plan. It may be that you're ideal for one another, and you will happily do what you can financially, in return for a lifelong companion etc.
But it was you who posted here with obvious doubts and suspicions.

You need to work these things out, and fast. Someone who cries and gets mad because you mention your concerns comes across as a little controlling to me. That's just my opinion, of course.
I don't wish to influence anything too much, as I don't know either of yoh, but I think you know what you need to sort out.

At this point, I agree with spendius. In addition to everything in the original post, I don't think much of her negotiating techniques, and would be very surprised if they changed after marriage.

She has been honest and laid her cards on the table.

The paradigm of the use of the tantrum to exert control is forensically examined by Emily Bronte in the character of Catherine Earnshaw. Heathcliff is madly in love with her but he is a male character created by dear Emily for the very purpose he was intended for.

In Rider Haggard the tantrum type was "left to shift for herself by the roadside". And in Evelyn Waugh.

Perhaps the question depends on your English Literature lessons.

oic

Dump this broad. Now. Before she gets her hooks into your cash.



You ain't marrying her kids.



You clearly have got that straight.

What about the fairness question about child support? Am I being greedy or is this legitimate?

I only got to the first sentence.
(I'm a woman if you can't tell by the name).
No.

Legitimate, in my opinion, though as mentioned in my first post, it does put all costs of child raising onto both of you. If this were the only issue, I wouldn't take it as a problem.

Nice, all the cost on child raising on both of you, the minute he says wedding vows or signs papers.

What if she had seven first?

But that's only a somewhat joking reference to another thread. Still, what are you signing up for, like forever?

I can well see helping. I don't get being impelled.

IMHO -

SOME of the child support could be put away for savings/college fund, but its intention is to provide for the children now - housing, food, clothing, classes, etc.

This amount would then be added to SOME of your income and SOME of her income so that household expenses could be covered.

She then gets to do whatever she wants the rest of her income and you do the same.

What is the status of the home she has and you are moving in? Is it her home? Are there plans to make it a joint ownership home? If so, then SOME of your profit from your home could do improvements or pay down the mortgage. You could keep the rest in your own account.

As advised before, maybe a pre-nuptial would be in order since both of your bring assets to the relationship, but she also brings 3 kids.

As Judge Judy always tells couples who've split-
"So you opened a joint bank account? Weren't your brains working that day?"

Thanks Punkey. She wants to keep her house only in her name. She wants to leave something for her kids. She is willing to do a prenup. The prenup would cover 1/2 of what I put in the house. The thing that is disturbing is that 1/2 of my equity from the sale of my house will be placed in a joint account and if I don't do this she won't marry. Thoughts??

Tell her to go and boil her head, as we say in the UK.

It seems the course of true love only runs in one direction with her. Your joint account balance will be heading southward from day one, I'll bet.

Bingo. I think you can see the real issue. These things should be negotiable. She seems very concerned about your money. There seems to be consistency in the responses.

Ah women!
There's nothing they wouldn't do FOR you in the early stages of a romance, and there's nothing they wouldn't do TO you when it hits the rocks later..