Another lame update on my life, More questions about my mom.

Reply Sat 12 Oct, 2013 03:12 am
So for those who care, Heres another brief update on my life.

-I moved into an amazing place in an amazing area and i love it to death!
-My bike is out of storage, running and I ride it all the time and its terrific.
-I've started paddling with lanikai Canoe club, The best club in the entire hawaiian islands, and its incredible
- Still in the national guard, and currently working on transitioning to Active duty army, it will take a bit of time but im remaining hopeful! I want to make the military my career and im proud to serve.

And ..... I flew back to maui to visit my mom, hadnt seen her in about a year although we would talk Several times a week via email / text / phone or letters. I knew she was homeless and Suspected She may still be drinking but I could of never possibly been prepared for what i discovered......

When i met my mom At the beach park (where she lives) She was surrounded by a large group of other homeless people (all her friends). Now they were pretty damned nice people, i dont judge, some were more normal than others and all seemed to know me since my mom always talks about me.

Some of the More "normal" Ones took me aside and spoke with me privately regarding my mom to tell me that she's the biggest alcoholic out of the entire group (an impressive feat indeed for this group of people). my mom was drunk as hell when i got there, Dirty and matted hair, looked like she hadnt eaten in weeks Despite all her friends trying to feed her on a daily basis. but worse, She had bruses and cuts on her face.....Her "boyfriend" Who swears up and down that he loves her had beaten her up earlier. punched a Crippled Woman in the face who cant even get out of her wheelchair without assistance.

This same guy, When confronted by me, became petrified and was on his knees apologizing and begging me not to hurt him. Unfortunately, i didnt hurt him. I did make very clear what might happen should i find out that he continues this kind of behavior.

I took my mom and we drove to Every homeless shelter on the island (there arnt many, believe me) only to be denied everywhere we went. the battered womans shelter wouldnt take her and had a 5 month wait list. the rehab place wouldnt take her as she drunkenly insisted she "doesnt drink" so they wouldnt help someone who didnt want help. The one shelter wont take people with substance abuse problems and the other shelter had a wait list and also wouldnt accept her because she was handicapped.

She gets $710 a month in social security that Her abusive boyfriend uses to buy Drugs and alchahol for them both She She's constantly broke and unable to rent a place on her own. I left the island at the end having to leave her back with the piece of **** who abuses her and steals from her, In the park, Where they sleep in a tent in the bushes.

I couldnt do a damned thing to help her out of her situation, and it kills me everyday. Its all i can think about sometimes. Feel free to ask questions, This is a super complex situation and im sure ive left out details.
A brief recap.

- She's crippled with a Muscle disease and 100% Wheelchair bound
-She's a heavy alcoholic & admitted she now does pills and pot as well.
-She's homeless & lives in a tent in the park
- Her boyfriend hits her and steals from her, she wont call the police on him.
- She has light brain damage from Diabetic coma She slipped into briefly years ago and ever since her personality Shifted into a totally different person.

Oh yeah, and because of the people she hangs out with, they Use her phone So she never has minutes on it and Stole her laptop and what little belongings she has left.......So Recently ive been left with Zero contact with here. She could be dead and i wouldnt even know.

Reply Sat 12 Oct, 2013 05:45 am
Have you sought help for yourself mrhunt? Short term, solution focused counselling would be a good place to start. They won't tell you anything you don't know deep down already, very likely, but it can sharpen your insight, and give you the strength to accept that you can't fix it. You're suffering. Seek help with a qualified professional.


Someone may have recommended Al-anon before as well, and I'll echo that:


Best wishes.
0 Replies
Reply Sat 12 Oct, 2013 05:54 am
I concur with JoeBlow, mrhunt, especially the Al-Anon bit. It's a tough thing to say, but you can't help her. Whatever you do for her, she'll do something else the minute you're gone. She doesn't want help, she seems to be okay with her situation, and she seems to have some people who care about her. Therefore...

the best thing you can do is keep in touch, drop in to see her from time to time, and keep on improving and living your own life.

You should be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Keep on loving your mom, but just realize this is the path she has chosen for herself.
0 Replies
Reply Sat 12 Oct, 2013 01:06 pm
There are a number of things you could do (go to court, get her declared incompetent, commit her, etc. etc.) - but the point is that she is where she wants to be, has her own "peeps" and would refuse your interference in her life.

I don't know if there are church groups that go around and feed the homeless or she is known by the local police, but just for your sanity sake, you can leave a contact number for you, should an emergency arise.

I attended both Alanon and Children of Alcoholics groups and they helped quite a bit. It is heartbreaking to go thru this, but you know deep down there is really nothing you can do.

You sound like you are taking care of yourself and are on your way to a productive, happy future. Take the good things from your mom and use them in your life. That's what I did from both my mom and dad, who were both alcoholics.

0 Replies

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