How about a double feature with the bleeding Jesus followed with Mohammed converting the Arabs? It could be called
BLOOD AND SAND
Isn't that what is happening in Iraq? :wink:
That should be Operation Blood and Sand
Jesus' Big Night
Jesus chefs it up in this film, planning a huge dinner of loaves and fishes for his hero Louis Prima. God gets jealous of Prima and insures he does not make the party. However, a good time was had by all 5000 guests who attended anyway. Jesus still couldn't help feeling a sneaking sensation that someone had foresaken him...
God's Little Acre - Jesus is a midwestern farmer and hears voices saying, "If you build it, he will ...". Since J. doesn't hear the last word, he becomes very confused and does not build a ball field but instead helps construct The Mall of America, which Mel Gibson promptly purchases for cash on the barrelhead. J. walks in, looks around and says to no one in particular, "So that's where the moneychangers all went after I chased them out of the temple!"
"Yeah, you took away our hangout!" they yell, and come after him. The ensuing rumble is a stylized dance sequence and Russ Tamblyn really shines as a Jet (or possibly a Shark?). At the sight of sharks, everyone runs screaming back onto the beach but they really need a bigger boat in the Sea of Gallilee but suddenly the Perfect Storm is whipped up. An iceberg floats by and J. sees himself in another movie (Tritanic) and then up above is a Star Child which no one can explain 'cause we were all busy watching Kier Dullea and wondering what the heck all those flashy lights meant and if it would be a good idea to just be stoned during the finale and whether things would be more comprehensible.
Uh, The End.
PS Better? :-D
That would actually make a good movie, Jes.!
Passion II: The Revenge of the Christ
The Revenge of the Christ
Terrific -- I did find this through a link in a Yahoo chat group. Welcome to A2K jhc (your aren't the Jeff on that chat group maybe).
My only problem is that isn't funny, it's tragic and true.
You know, a sequel on the Apostles would be fun- Mel could get 10 or 11 more grisly deaths into that one (the apostle John, sadly, didn't die a bloody death, but maybe Hollywood could do a rewrite)
Maybe since Mel plays fast and loose with historical record he could have John die in a skiing accident.
After all, he's so adept at Biblical snow jobs.
A sequel? Blech. Maybe the real story of Christ can be retold without the pornographic sado-masochistic violence. And Yes, I saw The Passion in the theatre. I found it disturbing. It spent way more time on beating the crap out of a human being that telling me (the audience) why Christ life was supposed to matter and why his death was supposed to be so tragic. If you didn't know the story of the Bible going in, you were out of luck. Mel and his curious Messiah complex. I see Mel in a much different light, now. And his dad - Holocaust denier - total bat crazy.
Now we need your sequel -- it's suppose to be tongue-in-cheek humorous. Something to do with vampires could be great (they're also "undead").
(I do agree -- the Bible says he was scourged, not put through a Cuisanart).
Ohhh, my own pretend movie lol.
How about Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Christ shows up at the White House and tells Georgie Boy the Rapture is NOT Coming!
Something with vampires? Buffy realizes Mel is the undead psychopath from South Park parody episode and plots to stake him. Only, Willow is mad over Mel's portrayal of Pontius Pilate as a sympathetic nicey nice guy instead of the billy badass he really was, takes him to the woods, ties his arms to opposite trees and says Bored Now as she flails the skin off his body with her wicked bad witch magic. Because that would still be - overall - less gruesome than the relentless never ending brutality of Mel's Passion.
Good ones:
"Guess Who's Coming to the White House"
and "Pontius the Misconcepted Christ Slayer."
The Peter Principal-Christ sets up a program in organizational skills and fundraising because he has a vision that these skills would be very important in maintaining an organization named for him.
'God's Father"-Jesus tries to take over the family business by a series of hostlie takeovers of the Pharisee conglomerate.
The SEcond Coming? That opens up lots of possibilities. Jesus as Dominating Porn Star! Jesus as the Terminator.
Ah, yes --
"Terminator IV: The Rise of the Saviour"
Ahnold returns after losing the California governatorial election to Bill Maher as Christ come back as a terminator. Directed by Clive Barker
The Terminator goes on a scourging binge but curiously he's doing away with conservative Republicans.
