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Sun 29 Sep, 2013 10:55 pm
We fell madly in love even though he was married. He didnt use me, he did the sweetest things & decided he was leaving his wife as he never felt so happy or alive before. I was sure not to force him & let him make his own decisions, things wernt good in his marriage & after some time he left but his family couldnt know the true reason why. In feb he moved out, I kept my apartment so his fam could visit & think he was alone. We were besotted with each other & thought nothing could change this. Out of the blue my father passed away abroad and I had to deal with my crazy family stealing & destroying our property & threatening to exhume my fathers body. This was very hard and i shouted at him as he wasn't giving me support I needed. I went abroad to sort it alone, he said I hurt him and wouldn't talk to me. I came home to find him on holiday with his wife. They're now back together & I doubt he's told the truth, should I send proof so she knows he left to start a life with another woman?
@H-devastated,
No leave him and his family alone, even those you would love to hurt him you have no right to harm his wife and children if any.
Suggest the next time you look for a partner he will be single man.
@BillRM,
There are no children and I don't want to hurt anyone. Doesn't she have a right to know so she can make her own decision?
@H-devastated,
You certainly do not have the right to tell her. You have done enough already.
@H-devastated,
Quote:Doesn't she have a right to know so she can make her own decision?
LOL you did not care about her well being let alone her right to know when the affair was going well so all at once you are full of concerns about her rights to know?
Sorry that nonsense does not wash at all so move on with your life and if you wish for a chance for a more uncomplicated and hopefully a happier life keep away from married men no matter how good their lines happen to be in the future.
@H-devastated,
Actually I personally would want to know. I'm sure deep down inside she senses there is a problem. She might be trying to please him and feeling frustrated with all the non-sense fights. Sounds to me like this guy betrayed you both. I say tell her.
you imagine that you are going to get your rocks off by hurting him, while pretending to yourself that you are servicing a victim (the wife)....wouldn't be a hoot then if you do this if she tells you that they have an open marriage and that she knew about you all along?
leave them alone.
@hawkeye10,
I've been married 20 years. There was a particular time in my marriage that I couldn't figure out what was going on? He was being a complete jerk and I had my suspicions that he was cheating . All changed immediately when he got a job transfer out of state. I felt like there was some gas lighting going on. He even asked me for a divorce 2 weeks after I had surgery for cancer. I can tell you I think it's better to know what you're really dealing with. In this way you can make a better decision about the situation . I bet the wife is wondering why she is always coming up short. It might be painful...but in the long run she'll know exactly what she is dealing with.
@Germlat,
do you make it a habit to walk up to people and tell them stuff that you assume that they dont know that they need to know? Almost no one does, and those who try find out real fast that their "help" is not wanted. if one does not do this normally why do it here except in an attempt to hurt this guy for vengeance sake?
I can not support the intrusion into others lives in the attempt to do harm, and I rarely can support it even for more reasonable reasons.
@Germlat,
Sorry but I don't believe your intentions are altruistic. I believe you have hit a road block and are trying to figure what to do. The only person my heart goes to is the wife. She probably has an idea but he keeps telling her she's crazy and insecure. I believe she deserves to know.
@Germlat,
It nice that you would care to grant her permission to try to do harm to the man marriage.
Hopefully if she does so the wife will slap her silly.
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:
It nice that you would care to grant her permission to try to do harm to the man marriage.
Hopefully if she does so the wife will slap her silly.
especially if their deal is "do what ever you want but dont tell me, I dont want to know"....which is somewhat common at least with military couples.
@BillRM,
I don't think truth is as harming as being in the dark and not knowing what the problem is.. Been there..done that!
@Germlat,
Quote:I don't think truth is as harming as being in the dark and not knowing what the problem is.. Been there..done that!
That nice however the woman had zero concern about her lover wife when the affair was ongoing and she have zero rights to in the future interfere with his and his wife marriage.
That is for them to work out as it was bad enough that she knowingly have an affair with a married man.
My bet is she is half hoping that she can break up his marriage and get him in the end for herself.
@Germlat,
Ok so...what if he is mistreating his wife and telling her how she is just not doing well. She is desperately trying to please him..sexy outfits, going to the gym, cooking his favorite recipes, working..but he is still gas lighting her and making her feel there is something wrong with her! You wouldn't believe how true this is for men as well as women. I think I would want to know before exhausting my every energy on this individual .
@Germlat,
An what if this is a one off happening and he is in the main a loyal and loving husband?
If he is doing large scale cheating his wife know about it now or will know about it in a short time frame without any help from one of his mistresses trying to get revenge or trying to break up his marriage so she have a chance of ending up with him.
Hell I can not get away with hiding anything from my wife let alone large scale cheating as she know me far too well.
I'm agreeing with Roger on this. It is simply not your business. Those two had something together before stuff fell apart for them. Let them work it out, without busting into it.
@BillRM,
Maybe this is true for you but circumstances for others are simply too easy to hide. Many have corporate trips and dinners, luncheons to attend without their wives. Company cell phones etc. sometimes the wife is the last one to know.
@BillRM,
It's always better to know the truth..in this way you can deal with what is really there. Would you like to not know ..perhaps but not me.
@Germlat,
It still not her business in any way or in any manner to once more interfere with that marriage as she did enough by having an affair in the first place.
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