animosity,
I noticed something in your post...you said, "the guys i fall for arent particularly feminine and most r perfectly STRAIGHT LOOKING AND ACTING."
First thing...us straight guys are rarely "perfectly" anything.
I don't think your dilemma is uncommon. I've known a number of girls who fall for gay men, particularly in their younger years...
I think this probably happens because most young men are fairly uptight/nervous around girls they find attractive. This can make them shy, obnoxious...Gay men generally aren't uptight/nervous around woman because there isn't the sexual tension between a straight woman & gay man that there is between a straight girl and straight boy.
Having Michael Jackson as your idol probably doesn't help your cause a whole lot - if you look at him as "perfectly STRAIGHT LOOKING AND ACTING" then I can see how you're getting into trouble
Hope it works out for you...