What Should I Tell Her?

Forums: Relationships, Abuse, Hygiene
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My BFF rarely takes showers. We are going into the 7th grade, highschool, and she can barely manage breathing. When she says she is going to take a shower, she then says she is too tired to take one. She has became very addicted to her new phone, and is constantly on it. Their house is disgusting, moldy, and definitely unsafe to be breathing in. On top of that, her poor scrawny cat is barely ever fed, and they never change the litter. My friend almost never changes her clothes. I'm afraid she will be bullied even more. She told me she wants me to do her hair and makeup everyday for school, but I am not her mother. I couldn't do that or I would be late. She doesn't even brush her teeth. She rarely goes to a doctor and has never been to the dentist her whole life. To be honest I feel bad for her, but its time she take some responsiblity. In my place you may think it's none of my business to tell her to take responibility, but if I don't, who will? What do I do? I honestly am not trying to lose a best friend, but she is a young lady! Her hygiene and health are at risk, and it seems to be that I'm the only person who actually cares. Please help. Maybe give me some tips to not make it seem so obvious? Help me..

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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 1,191 • Replies: 8

[+4] - jespah - 08/12/2013I understand, but recognize that neglect of hygiene usually isn't due to ignorance. This girl is old enough to know that she needs to shower, etc. Neglect of hygiene is often a sign of serious...

@savyrae,

You're in summer school right now?

Given your age group, and the fact that she's already being bullied, I think it's time to make the school authorities aware of the situation. Some of what you believe may not be the whole truth - not out and out lying, but exaggeration. Furthermore, if there is real abuse, it is a lot better for her if it is the school advocating for her, rather than her friend (you), who is a minor.

And yes, you need to specifically tell the school (you can leave an anonymous note in the office for the school's guidance counselor) because most schools are pretty big, and teachers and principals are overworked. It's not that they don't care; it's that they can often be overwhelmed.

So drop this very, very big hint, and drop it again in a month if things do not improve.

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Tell her you will TEACH her to do her own hair and makeup. That way, you can start talking about whole body hygiene and clean clothing.

She apparently wants to do better, so help her out, but don't do it for her.

She sounds like she comes from a neglectful home. No wonder the cat is not even cared for. I don't know if you can really make a difference, but please try.

Thanks for doing this. Get a trusted adult involved, if needed.

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@PUNKEY,

Thanks that's just what I needed! And yes neglectful parent.. She just does whatever she wants, and he stays out of the way..
Its like "Hey dad I'm gonna go get hit by a train!" And her dad usually replies with something like "okay be back by 11.."
But thanks sooo much! You helped me and her. (:

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@jespah,

I don't think I want to do that... I just want to help her not get her removed from her home. (:

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@savyrae,

I understand, but recognize that neglect of hygiene usually isn't due to ignorance. This girl is old enough to know that she needs to shower, etc. Neglect of hygiene is often a sign of serious depression, and you are just not qualified to handle that. A few hair brushings and makeup tips are not going to fix that.

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@jespah,

Have you considered that your friend may be suffering depression?

There are chronic forms of it that sap a persons will to do anything - sometimes including looking after themselves.
...........
From another angle - is she living with her parents? If not, do they know the state that she's living in?

And if she's not living with her parents - does she have a job, and does it pay enough for rent, food, clothes, electricity, phone, school books etc? And how worn out is she after both school & job?
............

Maybe the safest way is to comment on the mould / mildew in the house (if she's not living with her parents), and suggest she get the real estate agent to look at it, because it can make you sick.

What Should I Tell Her?

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