My son's coach is an asshole.

@PUNKEY,

Yes, I read that for myself. Yes, he already knew what he had done. Would anything have changed if she hadn't followed up? Maybe his entire personality has undergone a change. I'm sure you have an opinion.

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@boomerang,

Quote:

So I drive him to practice and park right by where I know Coach always parks and waited for him to arrive. He drives up and parks and I walk up to him and he say "I know why you're here and I'm sorry." (!)

I asked how he knew and he said Friend and Brother called him on it last night (!) telling him he'd been a jerk. He told me it wouldn't happen again. We talked for a bit and left on good terms.

Things went really, really well. I hope things stay going well.

I'm very glad that Friend and Brother got through to their father and that he's going to knock it off. The man really owes Mo an apology, and I hope he extends one to him.

I'm glad the situation is, hopefully, resolved. And I'm glad that the children were really able to do it by themselves. It must have been very distressing for Friend to see his father hurting his best friend so much. I'm glad Friend stood up for Mo, and I'm glad this episode didn't damage their friendship.

And, I'm glad you followed your gut by showing up at the practice, and I'm equally glad the fire was already out, and your hose wasn't needed, so you and Friend's dad could chat and part on friendly terms.

Did this man give you an indication of why he had been acting this way when you spoke to him?

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@JTT,

Thank you, JTT! Smile

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@OmSigDAVID,

I'm glad you liked it! Smile

It hadn't occurred to me that you would be amused by the avatar of the heavily armed rodent.

I had been thinking lately that it was silly; and I was about to replace it with a picture of Dmitri Mendeleev, the Russian chemist who created the periodic table. But now I've changed my mind. For your sake, David, I'll stick with the well-armed gopher.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

please dont watch Abbey Lee coach dance on "dance moms", as I doubt your ticker could take it. coaches bully because it works, just ask Bela Karolyi.

I'm not faint hearted, I worked for DOD 32 years. Often the only female, and later the only female managing a bunch of military and retired military. I learned how to lead without becoming a jerk. When I had to chew somebody out, I did it in my office. If an entire team screwed up, the entire team was spoken to at the same time. Just to be clear, I've had my ass chewed more than once, but never by a bully, just the commander above me in the chain of command.
I suppose I just don't admire bullies as much as you do. It's been my experience that people who understand their authority will impose it when a subordinate is out of line. Everybody understands that, but the Coach apparently feels more manly upsetting adolescents.
I can't imagine why anyone would resent stern leadership and high expectations, however Coach would never make it as an officer. Because he is a gigantic asshole, and doesn't know how to lead or inspire.

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@boomerang,

Have you considered telling Mo to do what Trayvon would have done, i.e. find some way to knock the guy down and then beat his head against the pavement until he dies?

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@boomerang,

Quote:

My son, Mo (12) has looked forward to entering the 7th grade so he can play on this guy's team. The coach is his best friend's dad. Mo and Friend have been best friends since the first grade.

Recently something happened (pet death) that has been pretty traumatic for Mo.

The coach has been using this event in a very snarky, surreptitious way during practice.

The coach wouldn't even know about this if his son and Mo weren't friends.

I think it's disgusting and I said I was going to speak to Coach about it.

Mr. B says I shouldn't -- that Mo should handle it.

I think letting Mo handle it would cause both he and the coach a lot of problems.

I want Mo to respect his coach (and he's quickly losing respect for him) so I think I need to lay down the law, for the benefit of them both.

What say you A2K?

Is the coach using personal information in a public way okay or not okay?

Mo is too young to deal with being made fun of for being upset about a pet's death. Especially if he is being made to feel it is a weakness. Compassion and sorrow are not unmanly traits. I would tell Mo that.

When he gets in high school - sure - let him deal...even 8th grade Junior High I am having to step back and let them deal. But - in my opinion depending on Mo's personality - that age is already so insecure that I think I would say something to the coach. Tell him using a pets death as a jibe to make him more manly or work harder or whatever he is using to goad Mo with is off limits. If it has to do with football fine. I would sure as hell warn the coach to keep your conversation private as well. I think I would stroke out if I thought he would use that against my kid.

All in all - that is a tough situation. I can tell you that my husband would say leave it as well.

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@wmwcjr,

wmwcjr wrote:

glitterbag wrote:
Thanks wmwcjr, unfortunately the quote JTT lifted, is my sig line.

Uh-oh, it looks like I've made a fool out of myself again.

My apologies to JTT.

Good grief!

Don't sweat it, he is always jumping in with quotes like "oh yeah, but you are a war criminal". It doesn't matter what I say, if I comment on puppies he might say I'm a hypocrite because of Agent Orange". So he is really not judgmental, just delusional....too many magic mushrooms or head injury, not clear to me. But it helps a whole bunch that I don't care, (in a whisper, I think he's nuts)

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@boomerang,

Quote:

UPDATE: Mo and I were out doing back to school shopping today so it was the perfect opportunity to talk this over. I started by suggesting he talk to the coach and he gave me his reasons for not being comfortable with that. I suggested he talk to Friend and he gave me his reasons for being uncomfortable with that. I asked if he wanted me to talk to the coach and he said "Yes". I told him that Mr. B thought it was a bad idea but he said he really wanted help so I told him what I was going to say and how I was going to handle it.

So I drive him to practice and park right by where I know Coach always parks and waited for him to arrive. He drives up and parks and I walk up to him and he say "I know why you're here and I'm sorry." (!)

I asked how he knew and he said Friend and Brother called him on it last night (!) telling him he'd been a jerk. He told me it wouldn't happen again. We talked for a bit and left on good terms.

Things went really, really well. I hope things stay going well.

Even though it looks like everything was under control I'm glad I followed my gut and spoke up in Mo's defense.

Before I went I told Mr. B what I was going to do. He wasn't happy about it but I told him I had to do what I felt was right.

Here's hoping I don't have another fire to put out!

Awesome.

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@mismi,

mature men might see value in toughening up a tad boys who are coming into the teen age.

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@glitterbag,

Quote:

But it helps a whole bunch that I don't care,

You sure do spend a lot of time for a person who doesn't care, gb.

Quote:

I think he's nuts)

By contrast, I know you're nuts.

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

mature men might see value in toughening up a tad boys who are coming into the teen age.

Those aren't mature men, Hawk. They are men who are following the same stupid pattern that their fathers and their fathers followed. It leads to much of the stupidity that you see in men - that false bravery, that tough exterior. It's all bullshit. A parent is supposed to be a teacher and you can't be a teacher by aping John Wayne.

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@boomerang,

I think it depends on how you handle it. This isn't about his coaching - if it was I would suggest not getting involved (believe me I've had a horrible season with coaches in softball - thank goodness it is almost over).

Any way - if you were to go up to him and explain how the pet death talk bothers your son it would be different. You aren't critizing him, but letting him know that this bothers him. The coach may not realize how it impacts him. So I'd keep it short and light as you can.

Just say - you probably don't realize that speaking about xyz really does bother Mo, it would be better for Mo if you don't talk about it.

End of story and then thank him for being a Mo's coach and that Mo really likes and respects him as a coach (always give the positive too - maybe even say that first).

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@boomerang,

There are certain situations where a parent should speak up - I think you should being a mom and having kids in school and sports. But keep it short.

You aren't critizing his coaching - you are letting him know how what he says impacts Mo. My take - he is probably just ignorant - not mean. Just let him know it bothers Mo and if he could just not mention it any more.

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@Linkat,

Well seems like this is the penske file. I give advice and before I can hand in my work it is done.

Glad it worked out for you. My experience - often times these bozos don't even realize they are being a$$holes. I bet if you had to confront him about it - he would have this deer in the headlights look as if the thought would not have occurred to him that he was being an a$$.

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I think there is one other issue to address. I know the coach was being an ass when he spoke to Booms son, but the other issue is Boom already told him it was too upsetting to discuss for her, so what does he do....he blabs about this incident in a complete show of disrespect to both Boom and her son. I hope he has some other redeeming qualities, because he blew it big time on the field.

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@glitterbag,

P.S. if coach was a woman I would have been much more critical.

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@glitterbag,

Most people hesitate to come forward when they've made a mistake, or been a jerk, or whatever. I've never really understood this. Admitting it and apologizing always lead to less trouble for everyone involved. I'm not surprised the coach didn't call since most people wouldn't.

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@George,

I agree -- bravo to friend and brother!

I am going to keep a close eye on things. Mo has decided it's best not to spend time at Friend's house so they're hanging out over here. I'm happy about that.

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@DrewDad,

Thank you.

Losing a pet does suck. All of our previous pets have died quietly at the vet's office. This one did not. While it wasn't nearly as dramatic as a wombat down the disposal, it was pretty traumatic. Having Coach continue to bring it up was torturous. I'm glad it's resolved.

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My son's coach is an asshole.

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