I'm not sure what to do...

Reply Mon 8 Jul, 2013 04:54 pm
I have a hard time meeting people, and haven't dated much, but I would like to...But I seem to have a little problem. None of the guys that are attracted to me are really my type...

You see, I have nerdy interests, and am shy(at first), and it seems that most guys who are attracted to me are like that. Which is fine with the shared interests, but I'm not attracted to shy guys at all. I'm attracted to dominant, take charge types of guys...

I'm hoping that when I move out in the next couple months it will be easier to meet people, but I don't know...I've tried online dating a bit, but so far the only guys who I've met haven't been my type. I don't really go out much, either. I would like to, but I don't have anyone to go with, and if I went out to a bar or something alone I'm sure I'd end up sitting alone, antisocially playing on my phone or reading. I'm afraid I'd be too nervous to do much else.

I don't even know if there's really advice for my "problem," but I thought it wouldn't hurt to post. I'm only 21, so I understand that I still have a long life ahead of me, and plenty of opportunities, but I've just been feeling really lonely that last few months. I keep hoping it's just a phase and it will pass, but it hasn't, obviously. It's not a pleasant place to be, and it's really spoiling my happiness about graduating and getting a job... So I guess I'm just wondering if there is any advice anyone can give me?
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Reply Mon 8 Jul, 2013 09:28 pm
If it's dominant guys you want to meet, go and get yourself a part time job behind the bar of a rugby club.
If you're American, you could try the baseball or American Football equivalent, because I'm told that they are almost as macho.

Avoid Star Trek conventions.
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Reply Tue 9 Jul, 2013 06:40 am
If you want to catch tuna, you don't put your hook in where the salmon are running. I'm with Lordy - go where the guys are that you're interested in.

I'll go one further, and say to you now - you may find yourself altering your behavior and what you say about yourself in order to attract these guys. And, in the end, you'll likely dislike what that does to you. You may find that your pals who like LOTR (or Star Wars or whatever you are personally into) turn out to be macho enough in the end.
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Reply Tue 9 Jul, 2013 07:10 am
Take a class, join a church, join a sports/activity club involving something you like to do (tennis, cards, bike riding, pottery?) , get a makeover and new hairdo including color, loose or gain weight, join a fitness club - but most of all, get a new attitude about yourself. Your low self esteem is not giving off fun vibrations.

Don't look for Mr. Right in the bars. "Dominant" men are dangerous. That's about the last thing you need. I think you mean "exciting" men, right?

Most of all - get going on changing your life. Winter is coming, you know. (Time is passing)
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Reply Tue 9 Jul, 2013 10:17 am
Above all these things, the most important thing is for you to be yourself. Don't sacrifice what you believe for anyone else.
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Reply Fri 12 Jul, 2013 01:12 pm
My advice would be to get yourself a female friend before you do anything else. It will be a lot easier to go out and about and socialise if you are with someone else. Don't pick a shy, wallflower type of girl - latch onto someone who's a bit of an extrovert - apart from anything else, they usually have spare boyfriends hanging around. Who knows, you might find your perfect man right there!

There are an awful lot of single men in the world. Why not just go out with some of the guys who are interested in you - shy or otherwise - just have fun and enjoy their friendship. You don't have to get serious. At your stage of life, about to graduate and find a job, you oughtn't to be in such a big hurry to get tied down. A lot of people find their partners at work - or in further education - if you're at a loose end, take up some extra curricular activity - something like car maintenance might attract a certain type of guy - dominant, take charge type? Who knows.

But do take your time, don't obsess over it. Enjoy your youth - the rest will follow naturally.
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