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How do I deal with my jealousy

 
 
Reply Wed 19 Jun, 2013 05:35 am
Ever since I can remember I've been the jealous type. I've experienced jealousy around friends, family, hobbies, and as I got older I realized that in relationships, I also am an extremely jealous person.

The first time jealousy really ruined something in my life was when I was 10 years old. I lost my best friend because I couldn't handle the fact she became really close to someone else, I felt abandoned and scared that the other girl would take my place. I would get extremely jealous whenever they hung out and my fears became reality when my jealousy started to annoy my best friend so much that both girls and the rest of the class started bullying and ignoring me. I only had one friend left, and felt completely alone. The worst part is that this only made my jealousy worse. I got even more scared of losing friends whenever I made them. I tried so hard to fit in which made that I didn't fit in at all. I wanted people to like me so bad that I didn't know how to act because I felt like being myself wasn't what people wanted. I became a different person, I became the opposite of the spontaneous, loud, funny person I was. I became a quiet little girl who didn't want to stand out in the crowd because I was so extremely insecure and felt like everyone was better, prettier and more succesful than me.

After a couple of years I got over that and met some great people. I got older and started caring less about what people thought of me. When I was 17 I got into my first serious relationship. I now realize that again, jealousy caused a lot of problems between me and him. Not that I was afraid of him leaving me or cheating on me, because I trusted him completely, but I also felt it whenever he went out to do something with friends. When he wouldn't ask me along, I felt as though he didn't want me around, as if he was going to have more fun with other people. I would start arguments about him going to parties and using drugs, pretending as though I hated him using drugs. In fact, I hated him going to parties with people whom he also seemed to be able to have a good time with. It was like I was jealous of him even hanging out with other people. By the time things were going really **** between us two I realized that a lot of it was my fault. I was naggy, I was jealous, I was just a pain in the ass sometimes.

I learned a lot from that relationship, I am now 22 and I hardly ever feel that jealousy when my partner goes out with friends. I have gotten even more comfortable in my own skin and have really worked on my flaws, because I do realize the way I acted in my past relationship sometimes was not normal. I love myself, I love my qualities, beliefs and the way I treat my friends and family, but there is a part of me I really really hate and that is when I get jealous.

I am extremely jealous when it comes to other girls. It has gotten so bad, that I lose control over what I say and I get extremely aggressive. I just feel like I want to get violent, I feel like a different person when that jealous feeling takes over and I just can't control myself, I just can't. I absolutaly hate everything and everyone when that feeling takes over and I can't see what I like about my guy anymore when I feel like he's lying or when I feel like he wants or likes someone else, possibly more than he likes me. I just hate him then and I get really mean and childish. I'm at my worst when I'm jealous and I'm aware of that. I can't even handle my love interest liking a girls picture on Facebook or even talking to a girl let alone having female friends. I want to start a fight as soon as I feel like he is going to **** me over and I get so suspicous and take conclusions which don't make sense. I can't handle it and I am really scared that one day I get so aggressive over something silly that I will actually get violent and just make a complete ******* fool out of myself and lose people I love. I know that I have been with not so super faithfull guys in the past and I have let myself down, been used and emotionally abused because I didn't stand up for myself, which also explains a lot, but I let myself be in that position and I don't want to blame others for that. I should have gotten out of those negative relationships way sooner than I did, but I didn't, and it has fed my jealousy and insecurities even more. Nevertheless I shouldn't let this jealous feeling control my mind because it doesn't make anything better. I'm just lost, I don't know what to do. I am not an aggressive person at all but I just feel like someone is about to **** me over SO easily and I know that the cause is something that is just in my head and maybe something that happened to me in the past. I am happy I am aware that this isn't okay but I just don't know how to get control.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 2 • Views: 1,093 • Replies: 4
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Jun, 2013 05:37 am
@poisonoake,
I'm gonna throw down the therapy card right now.

You need counseling, before this turns into bunny boiling or tire slashing. Good on you for recognizing that this is a problem. Now, you can do something about it.
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haven6203
 
  1  
Reply Sat 6 Jul, 2013 07:08 pm
@poisonoake,
I would really love to chat with you.... as i typ i cant stop crying lol. Im so much like you. I love my man with all my heart and i dont want to lose him. I myself turn into someone different when im put in a spot that i cant handle. We cant even watch movies or go swiming hell even the mall with all the hot girls i flip out inside and i HATE him but he did nothing wrong. I dont even believe he would ever cheat on me im just scared he thinks someone is prettier then me of funnier or whatever it may be. Im just so tired of myself im so done. Just dont know how to stop. And i feel NO ONE understands.... plz get intouch. I dont want to feel alone anymore
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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Jul, 2013 02:23 am
@poisonoake,
It sounds like you fear abandonment.

I'm with Jespah - you need to see a pyschologist. This is obviously not an intellectual thing - it's an emotional reaction that overides your intellect...hence telling you something won't help you much.

We carry over many things from childhood that keep a hold on us - usually without us being aware of it. With you, you feel as though you understand yourself better and like yourself much more, but there's a part of you that you haven't dealt with yet, and it keeps it's hold over you - the part of you that becomes fearful (for whatever reason, perhaps fear of abandonment), and lashes out in jealousy...and in lashing out, makes your fear come true.

See a therapist. It's the best way.
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The Greeneye Monster
 
  0  
Reply Fri 23 Oct, 2020 06:13 am
@poisonoake,
In the swinging society we live in having your mate all to yourself is an ancient behavior I’m a guy struggling with the same emotion not as severe as yours with everything close to you, but it’s my mate, my woman. I think it’s our choice of mates if we could find a better half that feels the same way we do about relationships and get together... can you “imagine the bond you would have with your mate” Gods would be jealous. I think we need to start choosing our mates more carefully and make sure they feel the same way we do to avoid all this distress. If you love your mate why do something to arise doubt and untrust?

I know this post is a hundred years old but I just found this forum and I’m still looking and it’s a breath of fresh air to hear there are women out there that feels this way I always hear of men being to clingy and possessive. I love hearing there’s women out there with the trait.
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