@mikeymojo,
Mikeymojo, I know what you mean. The illusion of ego is both a basis for great fear and psychospiritual alienation as well as the joys of the art/literature that give life so much meaning. Most often, it seems, we take great pleasure in ego when it is fed the rewards of success/fame and we suffer our greatest fears--especially from the threat of death--when we fear that we are going to lose our self through death.
I once heard a claim that when Rinzai zen monks who are on the verge of spiritiual self-realization--Satori or Kensho--which is to say a realization of their original ego-less nature, often suffer a great fear of their regularly scheduled meetings (Dokusan) with their meditation masters. But after they undergo satori due to the prodding of their masters and their own efforts, they no longer fear death. This, I was told, liberated them from the fear of death which was in actuality a fear of the death of "ego" (the event of satori-enlightenment) rather than the fear of their own physical mortality. Here we see a suggestion of more than one kind of "self": little self/mind denotes the individiual's alienation from everything that is not him or her. Large Self/Mind is the individual's true nature. His original nature, what he was before birth and what she will be after death (and is at present). The Freudian ego, the administrative capacity for dealing with reality is another matter; it must be fully functional for the healthy functioning of the person.
