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I don't know what to do or think...

 
 
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 01:06 am
so my gf was upset today and obsessing over a guy...she did it a few times before...they were bro/sis but he just dissapeared like over a year ago without any words and deleted her...she keeps trying to track him down...I asked her why she tries so hard and to forget about him...it's in the past...she said she can't because he touched her heart and was the only other person apart from me to do so. She said she has been missing him near enough every few days and wants to talk to him so bad because she missed him when she thinks of him....she said don't worry because in a bro/sis kind of way as before...I told her she needs to give up and move on i'm here now..she said but I still miss him and want to speak to him as a friend. Any advice on what I should do..?? I feel awful right now...
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 791 • Replies: 8
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roger
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 01:36 am
@fireflow,
No advice, but if I were in your position I would be feeling confused and insecure, too.
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BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 02:57 am
@fireflow,
Were this relationship in the real world or just on the internet?

He deleted her sound like Facebook to me off hand and in the real world it is harder to just disappear if you know some of the details of the person life and of his real life friends and family.
fireflow
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:28 am
@BillRM,
just on the internet...she's never even met the guy and he's like 10 years older...but from speaking to her she still misses him but doesn't know why...she was to the point of crying nearly...
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:43 am
@fireflow,
Now is your chance to be her hero, I hope.

Quote:
and deleted her
My bet is this. He flirted a lot, she has told you "he" touched her heart, but follows through with don't worry..

"Some" people go to the net to fill a void, something missing. This guy (10 years older than her who she never, ever, met) is like a bro? No, I think he charmed her, but she didn't not go with it.. As a result he deleted her, as a result she is searching for him (no closure).

She met him on the internet, (he may be 30 years older) he may be real at 10, bottom line is, he filled a void and you need to find out what that is and how you two can get in tune against that void, it could be simple like being told she looks nice. But there was one.

So... There are hundreds of stories of people who con people over the internet to try to get their prize, and there are serious stories as well that I don't want you to think about. Thank goodness he deleted her... Think about it, he didn't get what he wanted and so he deleted her.

She needs to consider this... A true "friend" doesn't delete....
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:54 am
@fireflow,
Hmm I am frankly at a lost to what to tell you as her behaviors seems over the top concerning someone who walked away from having an online only relationship with her.

If I was you I might very very gently probe for some more details for the purpose of trying to understand her a little better if for no other reason.

Perhaps some of the female members of this system might wish to comment as being this upset over this matter seem odd from a male point of view at least.
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vonny
 
  0  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:58 am
@fireflow,
Your girlfriend is living in a fantasy world, and that isn't healthy - for either of you! The guy she's fantasising about is just that ... a fantasy figure ... and she might as well fall for a comic book character. It all sounds a bit infantile - I'm curious about how old the two of you are - schoolchildren or what?
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fireflow
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 08:05 am
@FOUND SOUL,
well she said he was in the army...and believes he went because of that...and believes that he just didn't delete her on purpose....and that there must be a reason...plus she came out and said it's because they used to talk a lot and he is like a real brother to her now and that they got along well and they used to tell each other everything...isn't that what I'm now here for...can't she tell me everything :/ she said I complete her but if she thinks of him she is sad and wants him back...she said he isn't like me in anyway and I'll always be first and matter the most but still...god..why does this have to happen now :/ I find out after a year with her...
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 04:33 pm
@fireflow,
Well, the Army can be a very lonely place and to find someone to talk to about your inner-most thoughts, daily would be such a comfort, blessing.

BUT.... When you get to that stage, tell each other everything, an emotional connection develops.

I guess you can't sway her mentally away therefore, as it appears there is an emotional connection.

She is concerned about why he deleted her... Because there was an emotional connection and perhaps because he went away, time to let go... It's not real, it's over the internet.

In my opinion, yes. She is with you now and if she can't confide everything with you on a daily basis, you would have to question the relationship a little.

Why not sit her down and say that to her.. You are with her now, and you want her to share her life with you now. This guy was there for here when you weren't you are there now.

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