Please edit My Story in New York, a short passage a time

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(Well, it is just a try in the translation of a fresh story. When I get started, I feel it is full of uncertainties in nuance: I feel that the English text translated always falls short of the exact understanding of the original Chinese. )

The Embarrassment of My Dress in New York

(1) Today was the sixth day in New York. I was quite depressed, because I've suddenly realized that I don't know how to dress myself properly when I want to go out in here.

Please feel free to edit the above. I've not translated the whole story, but a passage a time.

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@oristarA,

Is this a story about a dress? or do you mean wardrobe/clothing ... something more inclusive than one dress

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Is this a story about a dress? or do you mean wardrobe/clothing ... something more inclusive than one dress

Yes, it is one of the problems in my translating. I don't know whether I should use "clothing" or "dress." The Chinese author means that some friends in China told her that she should change her clothing everyday in New York lest other people think she's out all night.

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@oristarA,

(1) Today was the [maybe 'my'; with 'the', one would almost expect a qualifying phrase - "of our tour"] sixth day in New York. I was quite depressed, because I've suddenly realized that I don't know how to dress myself properly when I want to go out in here.

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@JTT,

JTT wrote:

(1) Today was the [maybe 'my'; with 'the', one would almost expect a qualifying phrase - "of our tour"] sixth day in New York. I was quite depressed, because I've suddenly realized that I don't know how to dress myself properly when I want to go out in here.

Cool! Thank you JTT.
"My sixth day" is exactly what I wanted when translating. I just didn't know to get the proper word to nail it down. Very Happy

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@oristarA,

I was quite depressed, because I've suddenly realized

Since the present perfect helps us to say, "Listen to this hot topic", maybe you should consider putting the prior portion, "I was quite depressed", also into the present tense, "I am was quite depressed ..." since the two ideas seem to be connected.

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(2) Before going abroad, my friends in China told me that when abroad you must change your dress everyday lest people there think mistakenly that you stay out all night. So I've strictly sticked to the advice. In the few days past, I've never dressed the same clothing going to office for two days in a row. However, my wardrobe is just a handful of clothes and I cannot afford to change to a different dress each day. I had to rack my brain to make a difference. Well, as a result I have had to face the music.

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@JTT,

JTT wrote:

I was quite depressed, because I've suddenly realized

Since the present perfect helps us to say, "Listen to this hot topic", maybe you should consider putting the prior portion, "I was quite depressed", also into the present tense, "I am was quite depressed ..." since the two ideas seem to be connected.

Yeah, you've solved my another puzzle when translating. Thank you JTT.
The version edited now:

(1) Today was my sixth day in New York. I am quite depressed, because I've suddenly realized that I don't know how to dress myself properly when I want to go out here.

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@oristarA,

Before going abroad, my friends in China told me that when abroad you must change your dress [see 1] everyday lest people there think mistakenly that you stay out all night.

1. I'd opt for 'clothes' over 'dress', Ori. 'dress' sounds like a woman's dress.

So I've strictly stuck sticked [see 2] to the advice.

2. Or "rigidly adhered"

In the few days past, I've never dressed in [see 3] worn the same clothing going to [the or my] office for two days in a row.

3. 'dressed' would work too but you absolutely need the preposition 'in'.

However, my wardrobe is limited [just a handful of clothes] and I cannot afford to change to clean clothes [a different dress] each day.

I had to [really think /rack my brain to make a difference [don't quite understand what you wan to say here].

Well, as a result I have had to face the music [wrong idiom, I think].

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@oristarA,

Before I left, my friends in China told me that you have to change your clothes every day when you're abroad so people won't think you stayed out all night.

I listened to them and stuck to their advice. I was careful not to wear the same clothes/outfit to work two days in a row.

However I didn't have a lot of clothes and I couldn't afford to change my outfit every day. I racked my brain about how to make things look different. As a result, I had to face the music.

(the next excerpt may explain where this is going so I'm reserving the right to go back and re-edit Very Happy

)

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@oristarA,

It was my sixth day in New York. I was depressed as I'd just realized that I didn't know how to dress properly there.

(I'm assuming the author was no longer in New York when this was written)

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@ehBeth,

Quote:

(I'm assuming the author was no longer in New York when this was written)

Good point, Beth. Maybe you should describe beforehand, Ori, the point in time that this narrative is being viewed from.

But even if the author is no longer in NY, the tense could still be the present simple.

Author, sitting back in China: It is my sixth day in New York. I am depressed as I have just realized that I don't know how to dress properly there.

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@oristarA,

(3) Yesterday I dressed up in black going out. In the early morning subway I found there was always a meaningful look around at me. I was a shy girl by nature, longing to be unnoticed (best to be invisible) everywhere I go. But what's wrong with these people? I lowered my head to check out my dress: black choker and vest, black necklace, black silk wind coat, black stockings, black high-heel leather shoes and a black backpack. Well, I had to admit that I was a "super black;" but was it necessary for someone to stare at me? Did the foreigners think that I just came back from a funeral and showed some sympathy for me? Well, even so did it require so many people staring at me? I was bewildered and got quite yu men that day, "yu men" being stressful; but, more "yu men" followed after.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

It was my sixth day in New York. I was depressed as I'd just realized that I didn't know how to dress properly there.

(I'm assuming the author was no longer in New York when this was written)

Nope. She's in New York right now.
It is a live "broadcast."

1 Reply

@oristarA,

what should a wind coat be?

we have wind jackets here, but they wouldn't be made of silk and wouldn't be appropriate for the balance of the outfit you've described

if the punchline is that she's forgotten to put on a skirt or pants, I think we can get your short story there

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@oristarA,

ok - so here was correct in that context

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

what should a wind coat be?

we have wind jackets here, but they wouldn't be made of silk and wouldn't be appropriate for the balance of the outfit you've described

if the punchline is that she's forgotten to put on a skirt or pants, I think we can get your short story there

Wind coat:

http://www.chong4.com.cn/img01/linshi/2012-09-08/b6d29ef80431d516ab210e7006b3e33b.jpg

She's a doctor/medical worker. It is impossible for her going out without putting on pants.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Before I left, my friends in China told me that you have to change your clothes every day when you're abroad so people won't think you stayed out all night.

I listened to them and stuck to their advice. I was careful not to wear the same clothes/outfit to work two days in a row.

However I didn't have a lot of clothes and I couldn't afford to change my outfit every day. I racked my brain about how to make things look different. As a result, I had to face the music.

(the next excerpt may explain where this is going so I'm reserving the right to go back and re-edit )

I think the editing is very good. Thank you EhBeth.

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@oristarA,

that is called a trench coat

people sometimes forget to put all their clothes on. really.

in any case, it's trench coat and I'll go back up to the story segment

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@oristarA,

(3) Yesterday I dressed up in black going out. In the early morning subway I found there [was always a meaningful look around at me] were many people who looked my way/at me.

I was am a shy girl by nature, longing to be unnoticed (best to be invisible) everywhere I go.

But what's wrong with these people? I lowered my head to check out my dress: black choker and vest, black necklace, black silk wind coat, black stockings, black high-heel leather shoes and a black backpack.

Well, I had to admit that I was [a] "super black;" but was [or is] it necessary for someone to stare at me? Did the foreigners think that I just came back from a funeral and showed some sympathy for me? Well, even so did it require so many people staring at me? I was bewildered and got quite yu men that day, "yu men" being stressful; but, more "yu men" followed after.

I don't have the foggiest notion what 'yu men' means.

1 Reply

Please edit My Story in New York, a short passage a time

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