Lesbian friend crossing the 'line'

Replace "a bit" with "very" and I'd agree, in spite of the appeal to humor after the fact.

Re: Lesbian friend crossing the 'line'


Thats good. Gotta remember that <nods>

Honestly, Craven, I am not prejudiced against gay people. Straight people have done more to harm society than gay people could ever could. Straight people make a mockery of marriage, more straight men are pedophiles than are gay men, the high divorce rate in this country has caused more damage to the american family than gay marriage ever could.

I really think I'm being misunderstood here. I understand if you don't agree with my sense of humor or think it's in bad taste, but please, don't accuse me of being discriminatory against gays. I would never purposely say or do anything to promote hatred against people who are for the most part, educated, contributing, wonderful members of society.

To me, it wasn't a matter of humor. I joke with/about gays all the time. But I don't wanna divert this dicussion so Ima goan drop it.

doglover, I have had a completely different experience with gay people. This "friend" of mine was the first one that I've known who wasn't extremely self-absorbed. I was so happy to get to know her, to shatter the mental stereotype that I had given gay people. I was so relieved that I was wrong... then she started with the wierd comments.

I feel like I'm back to square one.

Thank you, I may just use that exact wording

I wish you luck with your friend, BlueTime and hope things work out for the two of you. I was wondering, have you told your husband about this situation and if you have what was his opinion/advice.

Happy to give you some ideas, BlueTime. Good luck, and let us know how it turns out.

Hey BlueTime,
How long has your friend been in the gay life? I have lots of friends who are gay. Some of them used to be straight and there is a tendency to want to take some of your friends with you when you "cross the road," as we jokingly call it. If your friend is new to same sex relationships, she might just be looking for support and security in her decision. One of my best friends who is a gay man told me once that he thought my boyfriend was gay. I told him that he thought all men were gay. He said, "Yeah, I do." Coming out is not easy. You can lose a lot friends on the way to self discovery. Newies have a tendency to try total emergence right away. They do the short hair thing and get very stereotypical. (Is that a word?) One of my girlfriends just got her hair cut really short. We had a good laugh when I told her she really looked butch. If you aren't in a place where you can good humoredly joke with your friend, let her know that you support her courage and show her that you prefer being with your special guy. Never bad-mouth your husband to her. When she talks about her girlfriend, let her know in a subtle way how wonderful your fella is. Eventually, if she has any brains at all, she'll get the point. All this advice is contingent on you wanting to remain friends with her. If that isn't an option, scrub this talk and go out and have a happy life.

To answer the most recent questions...

Yes, I told my husband all about it... he said that its my decision to hang out or not to hang out with her... but he admitted that if a gay man did the same thing to him, he would ditch him in a heartbeat.

I think I did exactly the wrong things with her...

I made fun of my husband a little, just because I knew she would laugh. Since then, she occasionally tries to coax me into badmouthing him... but I never do.

I told her that I can understand women wanting to be gay... because I do. But I'm not gay in the least.

She has only been gay for about 3 or 4 years.

I tried to explain to her that I'm not interested in people's sexual stories, and she said ok... but then she started talking about the "hot chicks" she is attracted to.

We were discussing the movie "Dead Man Walking", and I told her that I like nuns (because I wanted to be one once) and she incinuated that I was attracted to them... I felt backed into a corner and re-explained my stance on homosexuality, and told her that I wanted to be a nun before... she laughed and said she was just pushing my buttons. That really pissed me off. She wants respect for her lifestyle, but doesn't want to return that respect.

I'm through with her, this is rediculous. Everyone I've talked to tells me that I should tell her goodbye. The next time we talk, I'm going to tell her that I don't like her "pushing my buttons" like that, that she should give respect to get respect... and tell her goodbye.

Thanks everyone! I really like reading opinions about this, it helps.

I think you've made the right decision, BT. Homosexuality aside, that woman is inconsiderate, rude and has no interest or concern for your feelings. I had a good friend for ten years and I broke off my relationship with her over religion and politics (she 'found' God)...specifically issues of abortion/prayer in school/gay rights. She kept trying to make me see things her way all the time and I got tired of her telling me I was going to hell because of my beliefs.

She's no friend to take advantage of some honest and open statements you made and bring them up again to twist and distort them to suit her needs and to 'push your button'. She's also very wrong to talk encourage you to talk against your husband.

hi BlueTime. You may be just scared a little, she is probably really just pushing your buttons. But do tell her that you feel uncomfortable. When I worked for a human rights group in Slovakia, we decided to help out a newly established league of gays and lesbians. As homosexuality was illegal during communism, they are still in a tough spot, not even recognized legally as a minority, with overwhelming prejudices against them... So I went to their meetings, wrote for their magazine, helped out to set meetings at Parliamentary committees and government offices, etc. They loved teasing me, all the time, especially women. They knew I was completely straight, but would comment on my looks, clothes, anything. But I never felt threatened or uncomfortable, I guess because we weren't really friends, more like colleagues. But, to stop my rambling, it is quite possible that your friend has no clue that her remarks are uncomfortable to you, just let it out at the very next possible occasion.

I talked to her... It didn't go well. I explained to her that I wasn't really into talking about anything sexual, that it wasn't my favorite subject... That I wish society wasn't so focues on the sex industry and doing whatever feels good... and instead focused on solving problems, and ending suffering.

She told me...

"but what is our conversation going to do about suffering...talk is cheap... you want to do something about suffering then start making blankets for the homeless or join the peace corp. I have friends of mine that have done both..."

That's it for me. I've only shown respect towards her and I get garbage back for it. She has no respect for my feelings, so that's it for me. I'm not a prude, believe me, I just don't like wasting my time in childish conversation. Oh well. Maybe I am a prude, lol.

Thanks everyone.

Blue Time--

I think her bullying is more destructive to the friendship than her sexual orientation.

Good luck.

Wow, you would call it bullying?

I got to the point with her that I wanted to say, "Ok, I get it... You're gay! Enough already, lets move on."

People who are part of a minority group are really holding themselves back from blending into society by constantly reminding their friends and coworkers how oppressed they are. Its a constant interference, and until they can let that topic alone long enough to get something productive done, they are never going to get the respect they are whining for.

Blue Time--

Whenever someone insists on controlling every conversation and gloats about pushing your buttons, this person is a bully.

Blue Time--

Whenever someone insists on controlling every conversation and gloats about pushing your buttons, this person is a bully.

Noddy, that is a very good point! I never thought of that before, but you're absolutley right. Gosh, I feel like such a pushover now.

Blue Time--

You used to be a pushover, but since you're capable of growth and improvement, you'll never (hardly ever) wear that label again.

Congratulations!

Thank you!