My boyfriend is taking is mother to a wedding instead of me.

What does his invitation say (Joe and guest)?

How did he get invited and his mother didn't. Is this a close friend of HIS or of the family's?

Yes the invitation was a plus one. It is a close friend of his, not the family. Me and his mother both met these people on the same day.

Tough call. I can see why you would be hurt. But unless he has something to hide from the past, perhaps the mother put pressure on him to take her.

Take the high road here and wish them a good time. Go out with your girlfriends that same night.

Yes, you are overreacting. My guess is he does lots of things with you so why wouldn't you let him do something with his mother. It doesn't sound like you know the happy couple very well anyway. If anything, you should be happy that he respects and spends time with his mother if you are going to be the woman in his life going forward. Are you two really serious? If not, he might not want to do something that would broach a marriage conversation between the two of you.

Nice recommendation there.

I don't know if you're "over-reacting", but I think your feelings are normal. It's kind of unusual for a son to take his mother to a wedding of one of his friends, and not his girlfriend, especially if it's as you say and you met them the same day. Maybe she's had more contact with the family than you have?

We don't know the kind of relationship you have, how open and communicative you two are, how you deal with other issues that arise, your relationship with his mother, how much time you spend together, etc., so we can't really help you much more than this.

Either way, I agree with Punkey. There's not much you can do, so you may as well let this go and get out and have some fun with your girlfriends.

Edit: I also think it's completely irrelevant if she knows them better than you do. You're his g/f and you should be his date. People don't normally show up with their parents when they have a g/f.

I am letting him do something with his mother. I never told him not to go. I just find it strange that a wedding is something that couples do together, not something that a mother and son do. I don't really get to see him a lot because he works a high demanding job. He is usually there from 4am to 8pm everyday besides Sunday. So maybe I see him once or every other week for a couple hours. Work comes first, then family, then me. I respect that. He does see his mother more than me. If this was just a normal night out I would understand better. But this is a wedding, something couples do together. As far as knowing the happy couple, I do know them. We spent thanksgiving together, family events etc.

Thanksgiving and family events? Is this a family member or close family friend?

My boyfriends best friend's cousin.

Not always.

He has chosen to do this with his mother.

Take the high road, wish them both a good time, and have a night out yourself.

You don't have a boyfriend.
You see this guy once every week or so.
He picks his mother to go to a wedding.

On that girl's night out, give out your phone number a few times.

Joe(you need a real boyfriend)Nation

I was quite taken with this comment. It makes a lot of sense to me.

~~~

Separately, I don't understand why people want to go to weddings. I'm really really picky about the weddings I'll attend since I find them such a huge waste of everyone's time and money. At a push, I now go to the ceremony and leave a nice envelope of cash for the couple (if they're young).

We see each other so sparingly because of his work. I can't tell him to quit his job. He just started this job 2 months ago. Before that we would see each other a couple times a week. We have taken several vacations together as well. I'm not going to leave him because of his job. What he is doing is his dream and I am not going to stand in his way. I support whatever he wants to do.

Sadly, I have to agree with Joe.

It doesn't sound like this is a serious relationship to your boyfriend. Certainly not as serious as it is to you. To me, this was the kicker:

"Work comes first, then family, then me."

Plain and simple, this is not how people in love treat each other. And it's not a solid foundation for any sort of successful relationship, much less marriage. Not at all. Stop dreaming. Go find someone who will make you the center of his world. You deserve that.

I agree with you both - now more info is coming to light - a couple of hours every couple of weeks, and she's last on the list? Sad.

Take Eva's advice, hon, and go and find someone who'll value and treasure you.

And as you waited for the words, they never came, the moment lingered. Will it ever be the same?
All normal emotions you're going through, but in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing. The baboon(s) here who can judge the prudence of your relationship by a wedding and work hours, and advising you to put your relationship on the chopping block are just that, baboons. Don't fret, if your relationship is strong, you'll have many, many weddings and various private events to enjoy together in your future that ensures gallons of water and heaps of towel for nursing each others mutual hangover.

P.S. to the sages here: Have any sages here wondered if this could be a long distance like relationship?

Thanks I have to agree. Not all relationships are easy. I try to put myself in another persons shoes and if I had a dream job I would want nothing in my way. I am not going to leave my boyfriend because he is passionate about his job. He is working to become successful and to provide for me and his family. I am not going to leave someone because of that. Relationships these days never last and so many people end up in divorce because thats the easy way out. As far as a long distance relationship, he lives about an hour away in a different state. With him working and my busy schedule (full time student and part time worker), it is hard for us to see each other. I don't hold that against him. I am not a needy person and that is not the issue. The things I value in a relationship are trust, honestly, and great times together. He has all these qualities. I do not look for attention, gifts and more attention. If I see him once a week and it's the best time I have had all week, I would much rather have that than seeing someone three times a week and it being anything shy of that.

wow, that's a pretty scary way to phrase that.

You "let" him do something with his own mother?

Just because you met these people on the same day as his mother, doesn't mean they don't feel they know (and perhaps like) her better.

Go ahead and make a stink, and cause a rift, or problems in your relationship with your boyfriend and/or his mom, or be an adult and tell them (sincerely) you hope they have a good time.

You can't tell him to quit his job, but you can tell him what he can and can't do with his mother?

If you say you support whatever he wants to do, well, there's your answer.

Awwwww Shiiiiiiiit, going to attempt a mother and daughter-in-law's like war in this relationship, are you?