4
   

What did the right wing nut say....

 
 
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 09:50 am
...to the left wing nut?

A: "The guy above us is a real dick!"

(If you have trouble "gettin'" that, just eliminate the word "wing" from both sides of the question.)
 
farmerman
 
  3  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 09:56 am
@Frank Apisa,
YOUR DAY JOB DOES NOT INVOLVE HUMOR DOES IT?
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 09:57 am
@farmerman,
You are correct.

How did you know?

(Actually my tags were "humor" and "very little"...but they never showed up. I thought the tags were funny!)
farmerman
 
  4  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 10:07 am
@Frank Apisa,
Two Russian farmers were discussing the one farmers trouble with his new Cow."I dont know Schmiehl, this cow wont get bred"
"Why not?" says Schmiehl
"Well , every time I turn the Bull in she keeps backing away and turning around so she wont let the bull mount her"
"Oy" says SChmiehl
Were did you buy the cow? Maybe you shgould return it

"Oy says Weissman" I bought her in Minsk, that a long trip back"
"lets askt the rabbi" says Schmiehl

So they go and seek out the rabbi at his house and pose the problem, seeking his sage advice

"Well" says Rabbi feldman,"You have a cow eh, and she wont be bred by your bull" Oy you do have a problem"

"Tell me" says the Rabbi,"Did you buy the cow in MInsk?"

"Why yes "says Weissman," How did you know that"?

"My wife is from Minsk" "Shes just like that too"
farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 10:09 am
@farmerman,
I know, My day job doesnt involve correct spelling either
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 10:15 am
@Frank Apisa,
I slipped the tags in for you..

(you have to click on the tag button after you write them)
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 10:49 am
thanks, Ossobuco. And I will remember to hit the button next time.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 10:50 am
@farmerman,
Funny joke though, misspellings notwithstanding.
0 Replies
 
cats4kiss
 
  5  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2013 04:34 am
Talk about a day job... after working 40+ hours a week, I come home and my wife asking "Honey, will you fix the washer?" I replied "What do I look like??? The Maytag repairman?"
The next week I come home to another question... "Honey, will you paint the livingroom?" I replied "What do I look like??? The little duchboy?"
And last week she ask me "Honey, can you fix the car? It is knocking!"
I replied "What do I look like??? Mr.Goodwrench?"
After working another 40+ hours this week I came home to find my wife getting in the car with the engine perring like a kitten, and a load of her Moms clothes folded, in a basket... and the living room window open to air out the fresh paint.
I almost died..."How could you put all this on our credit card... Our bills are so high already!... How much did this cost?" I screamed.
"Not one cent honey... the new guy next door said he'd do all of this for me if I would either sleep with him OR ... bake him a cake!"
OH? I replied... "So what kind of cake did you bake him??? She replied
"What do I look like? Betty Crocker?
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2013 07:55 am
@cats4kiss,
Good one! Laughing Laughing Laughing
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Mar, 2013 06:00 am
@Frank Apisa,
A man is up in front of the judge for a violent assault on his wife. 'I love my wife, ' the man pleaded in mitigation, 'but she's not the easiest person to live with, and we argued a lot. Finally I decided to see a hypnotist and asked him to hypnotise me so that I'd would do everything she asked without question. When I got home she asked me to do the washing up, which I did. Unfortunately I broke a cup, my wife flew into a rage and said. 'Why don't you break all dishes?' So I did, she wasn't very happy and told me to clean the windows. Unfortunately I'd almost finished when I slightly chipped one of the kitchen windows. She said, 'Why don't you smash all the windows in the house?'

After a long day buying a new set of dishes, and paying a huge amount of money to the local glazier, we finally settled in bed. I was feeling a bit amorous, so I lent over and touched my wife between her legs. And she said, 'You can cut that out for a start.''
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Mon 4 Mar, 2013 06:54 am
@izzythepush,
Oh my!!!

Rather gruesome, Izzy, but I laughed.

The literal interpretations reminded me of another story.

It was a day or so before Christmas and the lady of the house invites the mailman (postman) inside...and promptly starts stripping him of his clothes. When she gets him naked, she throws off her wrap and is naked herself. All of which leads to a lot of bone jumping.

After the session, she calmly gets up...helps him get dressed...hands him a dollar bill and leads him to the door.

The guy has finally come to his senses, but is bewildered. "What was that all about?", he asks.

"You can thank my husband," she replies, "When I asked him what we should give the mailman for Christmas, he told me, '**** him...give him a buck.'"
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Mar, 2013 07:52 am
@Frank Apisa,
It is awful, but your comments on genitalia brought it to mind. I was told it when I was about 17, and I shuddered then.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Mar, 2013 07:56 am
@Frank Apisa,
This is an old one.

A nun was in the bath when there was a knock on the door.
'Who's there?' she asked.
'The blind man from the village,' was the reply.
On hearing this she popped out of the bath and opened the door, to be greeted with, 'Nice tits! Where do you want me to put this blind?'
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Jun, 2013 07:41 pm
This looks promising.
0 Replies
 
 

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