Fractured ankle in foreign country and relatives here kicking like football

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I am an international student in US who had severe ankle fracture. Besides, the ankle break i had psychological break that i lost graduate funding, wasted semester and 4 surgeries that would be on my ankle and 10 screws inside it.

I don't know anyone in 2000 miles radius and i thought of going to my aunt and uncle house. They initially agreed and i booked a round trip ticket but now 1 week before flight, their kids abused me badly (not kids, grown ups) and said i would be burden on aging parents. I said i can walk on my own, i just want to be there because i feel lonely and there would be someone i can call my own in this foreign country, as i am not in state to travel back home.

I had initially asked them to consult with their kids and tell me decision they i am welcome or not. My aunt and uncle were good with it, and cousins live in different house. They agreed i booked tickets, and their kids, my cousins abused me. Shouted on me, said bad things, totally crushed my emotions without considering my health. They never asked about my second surgery and said "We don't care damn, f**k your leg and if you come here we will kill you".

I had never cried in years, i am mature men, and when my mom called, i wept for 1 hour. No one has insulted me like this, for something on which i am not wrong. It was done by people who always called me their close cousins.

Totally devastated, please advise.

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 2,274 • Replies: 24

@pacific,

Get a ticket home. Borrow the money from your parents if you have to. And tell your school that you're badly injured (offer a doctor's note if absolutely necessary, but you'll probably be pretty obviously hurt) and need to take a semester off in order to recover.

And then go.

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@pacific,

Ignore cousins. Go anyway, if only to irritate them.

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@pacific,

Actually i have dropped semester. But i cannot sit for 16-17 hours in flight..and also add the connection time.

So i planned instead of home, lets go to uncle and aunt in US itself. But their kids abused me so badly, me ego and self respect was shattered. How could the people who call themselves close cousins do that, humiliate their own brother who is himself in such a bad state.

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@pacific,

I sympathize with you, pacific, and don't know how to help. Families get into big arguments and I suppose they are fighting about you for their own reasons.

I've only known one immigration lawyer in my life, a friend of my brother in law. His immigration interests are likely not yours even if I could remember his name - but maybe an immigration lawyer can help you, or an immigration law firm. I'll also say I suspect chicanery goes on, so I would ask around before paying anyone any money.

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@pacific,

I dont have any visa/immigration issues. I posted this because i felt hurt. And wanted to share it, just that people advise me and feel better. Feeling completely broken.
Thanks

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@pacific,

Ok, then. Don't be broken, move on out of them being some kind of center of your universe. The parents sound ok, from here.

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@pacific,

Are there other students from your home country in the city you live in now? Is there a community of ex-pats there? Are you able to spend some time with them?

It sounds like you're quite homesick and lonely. If you can't travel all the way home, is it possible for you to spend quiet social time with people from your homeland?

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@ehBeth,

Kind of tricky, as most people are students.

But that's not the point, how can a cousin give threats to kill, abuses you, says she doesn't care about you dammit leg. You break it again, become crippled, none of my concern.

How can a close relative say such thing, and who has 2 kids of her own.

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@pacific,

Maybe you can quit worrying about the why, and start deciding what you are going to do. Not trying to be tough, but there are things you can change, and things you can't. By pointing out that you can't change your cousins, I'm just trying to get you on the track of something you can do something about.

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@pacific,

I feel a lot of sympathy for you Pacific.
I am very sorry that your family hurt you so deeply.
Do you mind if I ask you which country you are from?

I am from the US.
I have noticed that many families who move here have children(kids) who don't feel as much obligation to family.
US culture tends to value independence more than most Asian cultures do.
I can tell that, being in harmony with your family is very important to you.
If the cousins who hurt you have grown up in the US, they may simply not understand family the way that you do.

I for instance do not have a close relationship with my cousins.
I feel closer to friends who are not my family.

I am very sorry about what you are going through. Sad

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@MattDavis,

Thanks for the reply.Well i am from India but grad student at Virginia Tech for more than a year.

I do understand independence over here and less obligation towards family. If they directly say "Sorry, we are too busy and our parents are also incapable of taking care" makes sense.

But abusing and insulting someone to prevent him from coming? Humiliate them to such an extent , like "You are selfish, goddammit f**king idiot, do hell with your leg, if you come here i will bloody kill you". I don't think thats the culture.

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@pacific,

I am sorry about your situation.

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@pacific,

Then they're assholes.

And the best thing you can do is - stop thinking about them. Don't give them free-rent space in your head. Worrying about why someone acts nasty is not productive. They're nasty. Accept that as a fact of their condition, just like brown eyes or a receding hairline or a good singing voice, and move on. They are the way they are and you cannot change them.

Since you can't go to your folks, maybe one or both of your parents can come to visit you. Even if it's only for, say, a week, it'll probably make you feel a lot better.

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@jespah,

They are not assholes. That's how they treat American friends in Europe. It's a very natural reaction to stuck up Americans.

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@pacific,

If she treats you like this, one has to wonder how she treats her parents or the children. She sounds pretty horrible. I would concentrate on getting better.
Are you living on or near the campus? Perhaps they have programs you could join or have social groups that welcome past students. Or call the hospital where you had the surguries, they may have services available to you, maybe even some counseling. Maybe you could do some volunteering and meet people that way. Just what ever you do, don't give into despair.

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@pacific,

You're right Pacific that is more than just the culture.
That is an awful way to treat anyone (whether they are family or not).
I only brought it up because I wanted you to understand that for some of us in the US we view extended family as little different than strangers.
I have never met my second-cousins for example.

I wish no one would treat anyone the way you were treated. I can tell that they hurt you deeply. I just wanted you to understand that perhaps they (your cousins) don't understand how important family is too you.

In the US it is not uncommon for people to sometimes yell and swear at each other. This has in some way dulled us to how hurtful insults can be.

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@Aesop,

Is there a basis in this topic to your statement? Or are you just talking in general about what you think to be true?

I was commenting on how mean this guy's (who is not an American) cousins are treating him. The way they treat Americans is immaterial; it's the way they're treating him that's at issue here. Regardless of how you (or they) feel about Americans, that's beside the point. The point is that he is being treated poorly. Some people are just jerks; they're not really interested in being anything but jerks. So the best thing to do is not worry about how to fix the fact that they're jerks. Just declare them as such in your head and move on.

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@jespah,

Thanks. You understood what i meant. Very Happy

Even everyone did it over here, and i really appreciate giving me your views and supporting me in such situation.

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@MattDavis,

Thanks a lot buddy Smile

for being patient and understanding my state. I know i am getting too much hysterical and might be frustrating many users Sad

Well, we knew them pretty well, that's the thing i reckon that hurt most. They came to India in 2007 and i had my semester break from UG college (in India). I did went to 10 days trip with them against my will because their 8 year old son was desperate for me to come.

That's just one thing, and me and my family had done even more for them. I even know more people in US, but never asked their help because i rarely talk to them. I asked my aunt because we have good ties with her family for 40 years (she is my mother's real sister). So what shocked me and my parents (when i told them) was the method (of humiliation) cousin sister (aunt's daughter) adopted to say No, even if i was staying at her parents house who had agreed, not her house.

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Fractured ankle in foreign country and relatives here kicking like football

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