Being led on??

Forums: Dating, Relationships
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Hi! I am 21 years old and I met a guy online about 4 months ago. He seems very interested in me. He takes me out on dates, has introduced me to just about all of his buddies and even got me a job with his parents. We are very intimate in our "relationship" and text, call, hang out often. About 2 months into this, I brought up the dating factor. He got really nervous and said that he doesn't want to rush into things. I said that's fine and asked him what he tells others. He said he tells girls that he is "talking to someone". He goes to bars every weekend with his buddies and i'm rarely invited or included but I always get that call at 3am to come cuddle. It's been about 4 months now and the few times i've brought dating or commitment up he says he's just not ready. When we are together he acts as if we are dating or in a relationship.. he calls me baby and different nicknames. He completely calls the shots on the pace of the relationship. I'm always being fed an insane amount of excuses. The second I show a little lack of interest, he pulls me back and I have begun to notice i'm always there at his beck and call but not the other way around. He wants me there when its convenient for him. I feel like I am being led on, like I am the backup B**** or on standby until something better comes up???

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He's being honest with you: he said he doesn't want to rush things. It's only been 4 months. Give him 2 more months.

This will give you time to really look at him and determine if you are anything more than a booty call.

Stop being so 'into him" and see if he notices.

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@Kayla-xo,

it is my opinion that most men have a fear of commitment, especially in the early stages of a relationship. commitment is fine as long as their mates don't find out.
talking of mates, man will always want to have a beer and chat about cars and sport with his mates. man not want woman to be involved in these affairs, and to be fair, most woman probably don't want to be stuck in the pub listening to her man and his mates talking about cars and sport.
as the relationship progresses, and things settle down, man will come to accept more and more commitment, until one day you are married, and his days down the pub are over. man will always fight this though. he is fiercely independant.
stick to your guns for a bit, it's still early days. bully him a bit if you want, but not too much. big brave man easily scared.
if in a couple of months things haven't changed, then it's time for "that" chat.
good luck, i wish you both all the best, and apologies for my blatant generalising.

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@PUNKEY,

Thank you , I will try that..

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@Berty McJock,

Men are so confusing.. he wants a relationship when nobody else is looking , it seems. If all of the actions are there then why fear the "title"? Why tell his friends that we're just talking and why always go on about how sexy other girls are in front of me? Sad

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@Kayla-xo,

because we are macho, and in front of other men, we have to be seen to be superior to a woman, as outdated and sexist as it is. we cant be equal with them, until we are behind closed doors, then the charade ends.

this is only in the early stages though, say first 6 months or so. as he becomes more accustommed to his new role as 1 of 2, his guard will drop, he (and his mates) will be more comfortable with the situation, and he will become more committed. i'm probably totally wrong, but that's how i see it.

oh and men will always ogle other women, and pass comment. do it back to him, see how he likes it. he won't stop looking, but he may well shut up about it.

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I think you are being used for "cuddles." I think that four months of the treatment you are getting is long enough, and suggest that you tell him that you concluded that you should again be playing the field. Should he really, really, care about you, he will make the necessary changes.

Of course, I am no Dr. Laura. I suggest you write her a letter, or see some other therapist.

Also, there are private investigator sites on the net that, for about $30, will do a good check on him without his knowledge. It will check credit, bankruptcy, criminal, and other records, and give you a report.

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@Advocate,

It's not his credit report that I'm worried about lol. I think you are right about being used. Nobody likes to be lonely and my instinct tells me that he is keeping me around out of boredom, it's fun until he finds someone better or what he's really looking for. That much is obvious.

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@Kayla-xo,

I just threw in the thing about the PI report. I think everyone should get a report before he or she is too deep into the relationship. After all, what is $30 or so compared to getting involved with a total loser. Credit is just one aspect of such a report.

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@Advocate,

one of the foundation stones of any relationship is trust.

if you do background checks de rigeur, then trust has gone out the window from day 1.

surely you don't question your own judgement do you?

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@Berty McJock,

Berty McJock wrote:

one of the foundation stones of any relationship is trust.

if you do background checks de rigeur, then trust has gone out the window from day 1.

surely you don't question your own judgement do you?

It is seldom that I look to Ron Reagan, but he was right when he said: "Trust, but verify." I know of many instances in which people trusted too much, and were burned.

There is a TV show that is based on such instances relative to relationships.

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Being led on??

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