@JJ76,
JJ76 wrote:
About 8 weeks ago I started an emotional affair with a platonic friend I had known for close to 15 years. 10 years ago I moved o/seas and lost contact with a lot of people. When I left I was in a relationship and FWD all this time we are now married with 2 kids. Our marriage has its ups and downs, a lot of the romance has gone although not completely, I am currently a SAHM which I am still getting used to as I had a career before my twins were born. I do not struggle with my role as a mother - it's being a wife where I seem to be failing.
This OM and I exchanged numbers and I forgot all about it. I was on the train one night with my kids and he was traveling the same route as me and we got chatting. A few hours later I got an SMS that said 'I fancy you' and that was all. I giggled at it as I always knew he had a soft spot for me but we are both now married. I responded with 'you're more than 10 years too late' and we then began sparring away. It was harmless fun until he took it to the next level and our texts became sexts. Having never done anything like that before it became quite exciting. We talked about meeting up and getting physical but never went through with it. Earlier this month we had about 3 days where we didn't communicate then it started again. General chit chat then sext after sext. We arranged to hook up - he didn't show. Deep down I was relieved as it was one thing being brave via phone the reality was different. Our chat become so steamy on Monday that we did hook up. It wasn't like any of our communications and left me feeling disgusted, remorseful, guilty and sad. We sat and chatted and agreed that we weren't cut out for having an affair - me because I do love my husband and family but his excuse was it's better to stop it now before it escalates. We spoke briefly that night and then nothing for 24 hours when we agreed to forget the whole thing happened. Thing is I can't forget it - I broke my marriage vows and allowed another man inside me. I really hate myself right now. I know I am going to miss the thrill of the secret SMS's but my relationship is worth more. He's leaving the country next week and I have a suspicion that once he has been away from his wife and kids he'll try and start up the comms again. I know I have to be strong and will go with NC no matter what. Now my dilema is whether or not to come clean and tell my husband or get some therapy and try and deal with it. I know that I will never put myself in this position again. I guess deep down I feel a little sad about it ending but the loss of my family is a greater fear. How can I have been so stupid??
Eek, evil iPhone!
All right, so the completed post does change a bit of what I wrote
here.
But I still think counseling is a good idea. You'll be able to work out why you did this, why you needed the rush, etc. And you'll also be able to get some tools to deal with, eventually, telling your husband. 'Cause I think, at some point, you may have to.
But go to counseling first, and get some backup and a bit of distance and perspective. You screwed up. You know it. And, fortunately, this guy is leaving the country.
Do yourself a favor. Don't just think about no contact. Make it impossible. Delete his contact info and all of the old messages. Block his texts. Sow the ground with salt. And then, you'll be able to tell your husband that it's truly over and you regret it.
Because if you leave any of that stuff around, either (a) your husband will find out if he gets a look at your phone (which could be perfectly innocent, you know, "Honey, can I use your phone? Mine needs to charge." and then you say sure and oops, he's learned in a way that is not on your terms) or (b) you're tempted to somehow start up with the other dude again and maybe even try the sex thing again, somehow reasoning that maybe the second time will be the charm or (c) the other dude will start to really bother you. And you don't need that bullshit.
PS Sorry we were having a little fun with your first topic because the posting didn't go all the way through. We don't mean anything by it and are certainly not laughing at you - I hope that's clear. Feel free to join in. We are actually (mostly) decent people. We just can't resist being silly at times.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace