I'm worried about my mom not having a pet.

Forums: Relationships, Pets, Family, Elder Care, Companion Animals
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My mom will turn 80 in just a few months and she's saying when her rickety, ancient cat dies that she doesn't want another pet -- that they're becoming hard for her to take care of.

It kind of broke my heart to hear her say this because she loves animals and I think she really needs a companion.

My niece lives just a few blocks from her and my niece works for a vet -- she has easy access to elderly animals in need of loving homes.

My great - nieces are (very) regular visitors to my mom's house and would help her, if asked, to clean up after a cat but my mom doesn't want to "burden" anyone with helping her care for a pet.

I suggested that we hire someone to come in several days a week for light housekeeping that would include cleaning the cat box, etc. so that mom could continue to have a pet and she was like "Hell no. I don't want someone knocking around here doing that stuff".

So what do we do?

Do we believe her when she says "no more pets" or do we get her a pet when this cat dies (soon) and the help she might eventually need to care for it?

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Type: Question • Score: 15 • Views: 3,586 • Replies: 22

@boomerang,

Start putting catfood outside her door to attract a stray,

Rap

3 Replies

@raprap,

Wildlife was going to be my suggestion as well.

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@raprap,

I live 2,000 miles away. : (

My niece can get her hands on plenty of old, gentle, tame cats. Finding a cat isn't the problem. Getting her to take one is.

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@boomerang,

Have you considered that she might actually mean it when she says she doesn't want another pet? If you foist one on her anyway, it just might be a burden she doesn't need.

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@boomerang,

Quote:

"Hell no. I don't want someone knocking around here doing that stuff".

I totally relate to that - when I get old I would hate having a stranger coming into my space. And if i said I didn't want another pet and someone bought me one I'd be very annoyed.

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@cherrie,

I can state with confidence that, yes, she has considered that.

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

Then maybe that's her answer.

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As much as I loved having pets, I made a conscious and informed decision that I would not get another pet when my cat died.

Would I be happier having a pet? Absolutely. If someone gave me one, I'd be furious. I would not keep it.

Boomer, I can't speak for your mother. I don't know how she'd react. But this is how I feel on the subject.

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@boomerang,

Hi boomerang,

I'm in a similar situation to your mother's. Not eighty but getting up there, not on my last legs, but on my "last cat", my last pet. Poly has been my companion since December 1996. Don't know his exact date of birth, found him in the street, and he appeared to be just out of kittenhood. So he's a very sweet sixteen plus. If you credit five cat years for each one, we are about the same age. I have always had animals in my life, but like your mother, I've decided not to get another pet when Poly dies.

I don't want to be tied down with the responsibility for another living creature. I'd like to be able to do some traveling without worrying about pet care. Let your mother's decision stand. Her old cat is still "ticking", and when it dies, she will surely be sad, but I suspect also relieved. What happens after that will be up to her.

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Thanks, all, for your input.

I see now that her decision isn't really unusual, even for animal lovers.

Having a pet to care for (and having the pet caring for her) has always been such an essential part of who she is. It's terribly sad to think of her not having one.

I suppose we'll all just have to trust her on this....

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@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

her decision

that's the key

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Yes, it's her decision and one I'm sure she didn't make lightly. My mother made a similar decision and told us in no uncertain terms that we were not to think about gifting her with a pet. She said she was afraid she'd fall if a cat got under her feet and that that would be the end of her.

I think the elderly have a lot more to think about than caring for a furry companion.

1 Reply

@raprap,

Quote:

Start putting catfood outside her door to attract a stray,

That's sneaky rap. You're trying to impress boomer when the elderly lady's settled intentions are what matter. You're trying to take advantage of her tender heart to subvert her resolution and land her in situations she has expressly said she would rather avoid. And I don't blame her.

She knows what she needs.

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@JPB,

Quote:

Yes, it's her decision and one I'm sure she didn't make lightly. My mother made a similar decision and told us in no uncertain terms that we were not to think about gifting her with a pet. She said she was afraid she'd fall if a cat got under her feet and that that would be the end of her.

I think the elderly have a lot more to think about than caring for a furry companion.

I am younger than Boomer's mother, but I really can relate to what JPG has wisely said. I think that many younger people have little conception of what it is to be a young at heart person in a declining body.

What used to be easy, often becomes a chore. Falls are one of the most common causes of death in the elderly. (fall, break hip, lie in hospital, develop a clot, and die). If her mother is fearful of falls, that is a good reason not to consider another pet.

My next door neighbor had a basset hound for many years. He was one of the friendliest animals that I have ever seen. I loved that pooch............................and was terrified of him. He would run to greet you, and jump on you. I was scared to death that he would bowl me over, and I would end up on my butt. Come to think of it, I was not afraid of him when my neighbor first got him, about 13 years before. Get my drift???

Bottom line, she does not want a another cat.

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I agree that it's her decision. As you probably remember, I didn't get another dog after Pacco because I could not responsibly take care of future veterinary bills, and I feel I'm one lucky woman to be able to take care of Katy (who arrived at my door with a trust fund paying her/my way), and vice versa. I don't know what I would have done if she was two instead of now about twelve, elderly for a big dog. Probably a no, but then the trust fund people could have found other takers, whereas an eleven year old shep would probably be a goners.

What I do, and I know others do, when I don't have a pet is to get even more interested in other people's pets than I am normally. My eyes are always open to dogs being walked, cats on fences, birds at other people's houses, and so on. Pet life is still out there, rich, but no longer your responsibility.

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When I had to put my moms cats down I said I would never get another one and I meant it, then that stray cat Smokey Lonesome showed up in the front yard so I ended up taking him in.

You never know she just may change her mind down the road.

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@cherrie,

cherrie wrote:

Have you considered that she might actually mean it when she says she doesn't want another pet?

This is what I would ask too.

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At some age, we have to consider what happens to our pets if we die unexpectedly. Worse, if we die unexpectedly at home and nobody finds out for days or weeks. We also consider our own feelings when faced with the possibility of one of them leaving us.

I have two cats, and they are the last I will ever have. I'm 68, and wouldn't even consider investing in ripe bananas.

1 Reply

@roger,

In my local 55+ area, the animal shelter likes to give older cats and dogs to seniors.

I don't think that there is much that can be done if someone dies unexpectedly, and no one knows about it for a few days. I would suggest that if a person feels that he is in poor health, or of an age where mortality is staring him in the face, he should invest in a service like "Lifeline".

My mother had it when she lived in her own place. She had to hit a button every day to show that she was ok, or the service would check up on her.

I also think that if you are elderly and have a pet, you might want to talk to a friend or relative, and find someone who is willing to care for the pet if you die.
You could even put it in your will.

0 Replies

I'm worried about my mom not having a pet.

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