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How to deal with mockery and ridicule?

 
 
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 01:23 pm
How to deal with mockery and ridicule?

A broad and general question...

Just one line...

Just ONE line question: How to deal with mockery and ridicule?

I'll just mention the reason that I create this thread.

The reason that I create this thread is that I have difficulty coping with mockery and ridicule.

I always think other people talk behind me, in a mocking and ridiculing way.
This is true!

I mean it is TRUE that other people talk behind me, in a mocking and ridiculing way. (Others = my roommate, my teachers, the dormitory manager, my therapist etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.)

I am NOT saying it is ALWAYS true. But it is sometimes TRUE.

I am really FED UP WITH thinking that other people mock me and ridicule me. I "self-devastate"

I can't even trust psychiatrists, psychologist, therapists etc. Not because they mock behind me or ridicule me, but because I am sure that they will NOT like me. Don't tell me "Get some professional help"
I got some help. But I am sure all my therapists hated me.

One of psychiatrists once told that he found his patients with personality disorder VERY ANNOYING.

If the sentence right above is incomprehensible (it's likely to be incomprehensible since I am a non-native speaker), let me rephrase it: I once knew a psychiatrist. And, ACCORDING TO HIM, people who suffer from personality disorder are annoying. I felt really sad the moment I heard this statement.

If he is not going to help, who else could willingly help? If he's going to ease some pain, who else is going to?

Yes, so far in this thread, I've written so many ridiculous/stupid/unreasonable thing etc.
I beg your pardon. What I've written here is REALLY what I think and what goes through my mind.

But, please, I beg you. Help me about the question: How to deal with mockery and ridicule?

Whenever I hear someone laughing, I think it is an ridicule/mockery/whatever and it is directed at me. Please, don't misunderstand me. I don't think the world revolve around me. I am not thinking that I am the center of the world. I am not thinking I am very important. Or I don't think I am so important that I can't be ridiculed/mocked etc. On the contrary, I mostly feel inferior before other human beings!

It is a kind of paranoia, perhaps.

Please help me, help me get over this. I believe anyone feeling likewise will benefit from what you write as an answer to me.

I beg you.

I beg you.

I tried my best not to sound annoying and not to imbue my post with an irritating "tone". I am sorry If I did. I am truly sorry If I've complained in an annoying way.
 
Cycloptichorn
 
  4  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 01:28 pm
Quote:
I got some help. But I am sure all my therapists hated me.


Your therapists don't hate you.

How to deal with 'mockery,' real or perceived?

Ignore it. It's not important, at the end of the day, is it?

Cycloptichorn
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 01:56 pm
Many times, self absorbed persons think that the actions of others are directed solely at them.

Unless you have collaboration that others are mocking and ridiculing you, then it's only how you feel.

The ironic thing is: no matter if it's true or not, you think it is.

So you are really trapped in your own mind.

Learn to make it a healthy one.
0 Replies
 
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 02:01 pm
throw away your WWJD bracelet and buy a Colin Quinn IJDGAC* bracelet, all those people you think are mocking and ridiculing you are just as fucked up in their own way, water, meet ducks back




* I Just Don't Give A Care
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  4  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 02:17 pm
My son is a little like you.

He's so worried that people are noticing him that he does things that make them notice him and then he uses that to confirm that people are noticing him.

He's always on high alert and notices everything. Because he's young and self centered (like most kids) he thinks everything he notices is about him. He lives in panic mode. He takes even the smallest comment way too seriously.

I know how hard it is for him to deal with this mental masochism.

The truth is -- he's very popular and has a lot of friends. People genuinely like him. Nevertheless, he has a hard time seeing the good in himself.

My advice to you is to find ways to look beyond yourself. Do some volunteer work or something where your focus has to be on other people. Do something good instead of worrying about yourself and you'll realize that you aren't really on everyone's mind all the time.
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 02:19 pm
@cicibebe,

Quote:
mockery and ridicule?

As Cyclo advises, Cis, it's best ignored. However they can provide a little fun as the average sneer invites innocent riposte, which makes him even madder

I note cis your uncertainty entails rewording. Not necessary, we understand the first attempt just fine

Quote:
And, ACCORDING TO HIM, people who suffer from personality disorder are annoying…..sad…...
Most everyone suffers a disorder or three. He's a pretty poor shrink to so react

Quote:
But I am sure all my therapists hated me.
Nah, no way Cis. However if I understand correctly you're to be commended for having approached several consultants; the first isn't always the best. However you didn't say what sort of therapists, could be important factor


Quote:
I mostly feel inferior before other human beings! It is a kind of paranoia, perhaps.
. Paranoia however implies extreme fear. You perhaps share what's called "inferiority complex" with so many of us…...

Quote:
Please help me, help me get over this.
I've had comparatively little experience in the field and I'd suppose that applies to most all a2k'ers too; though it's entirely possible you might elicit a real expert

Boom above sounds like she's on the right track but like I said I'm no expert

However, many an a2k'er seem terribly angry (or spiteful) at all times about nearly everything; so you should not take negative postings seriously (see Dj too)

Quote:
I am truly sorry If I've complained in an annoying way.
No apology necessary

Incidentally if you've also posted it elsewhere you will be accused by some as a "bot". But here on a2k almost everyone gets so accused so don't take them in earnest

Just watch Cis, I'll be accused of having been inveigled. However to dispel the idea, if it's no intrusion, I wonder if you could reveal something about yourself like age, sex (presumably f), nationality, ed., family, motives, etc
0 Replies
 
Foofie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 03:02 pm
@cicibebe,
In my opinion, the problem reflects the difference between one being "inner directed" and "other directed."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lonely_Crowd
Ideally, I believe, one should have enough self-esteem to easily ignore those who might criticize, or have some pejorative comments about oneself, because one feels adequate how one is.

As far as coping with any mockery or ridicule, I believe one should consciously decide to have a thick skin, and understand that one can never know what others might be saying behind one's back, and it doesn't matter. Most people do not have the charisma to be liked by everyone one meets. It's the human condition; you are not alone.

Look at the thick skin that politicians have. Every politician has a constituency with a percentage that constantly might criticize him/her. Their ability to live with it is acceptance of the criticism, I believe, and to have confidence that they are correct in their positions on different subjects.

0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  2  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 03:13 pm
@cicibebe,
Foofie has some good ideas although just how to implement them could be problematic

Incidentally I've found it a waste of effort after composing a post but before saving to examine, reexamine, re-edit, etc with an eye to minimizing reaction. No matter what you say, no matter how innocently, the momist will find something to attack or sneer at, and of course they're everywhere on such forums as this

So just concentrate expressing your idea
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 03:18 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:

My son is a little like you.

He's so worried that people are noticing him that he does things that make them notice him and then he uses that to confirm that people are noticing him.

He's always on high alert and notices everything. Because he's young and self centered (like most kids) he thinks everything he notices is about him. He lives in panic mode. He takes even the smallest comment way too seriously.

I know how hard it is for him to deal with this mental masochism.

The truth is -- he's very popular and has a lot of friends. People genuinely like him. Nevertheless, he has a hard time seeing the good in himself.

My advice to you is to find ways to look beyond yourself. Do some volunteer work or something where your focus has to be on other people. Do something good instead of worrying about yourself and you'll realize that you aren't really on everyone's mind all the time.
Very well said, boomer. Please say hi to Mo for me.
How old is he now ?





David
OmSigDAVID
 
  3  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2013 03:50 pm
@cicibebe,
Everyone, good or bad, loved or disliked,
gets joked about in his or her absence. People like to make jokes
about anyone and everything.

Its best (easiest on your nervous system) if u laff it off.

If u say kind things about others, then it is MORE LIKELY
that u will be better liked and spoken of with praise and good will.

If u want to HAVE a friend, then u shud BE a friend.

As to whether u have a touch of paranoia or not:
try to focus your attention outwardly on others, as much
as possible, as a distraction.

FILL YOUR MIND WITH IDEAS THAT MAKE U HAPPY.
In your memory, re-live good successes that u have had.


What is your first language ?





David
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2013 05:54 am
@OmSigDAVID,
He turns 12 this month! I can hardly believe it.
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2013 05:55 am
@boomerang,
that does seem unbelievable
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2013 10:47 am
@djjd62,
I know! This Sunday will mark 10 years since he first came to live with us.

He's just a few inches shorter than me now.

I don't know where time goes.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2013 10:49 am
@boomerang,
wowser

I remember when he was just tiny - staying overnight with you - you were so worried

I think not-waving-but-mostly-harmless (have I got that in the right order?) stayed up all night trying to keep you distracted
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2013 11:17 am
@ehBeth,
Are you talking about the night he was so sick? I couldn't find his parents, I didn't know what to do -- I was terrified!

There was an earthquake the next morning....

He was only 5 weeks old and ended up in the hospital for a week.

It was KAK who held my hand that night, if you can believe it. She was so generally disliked but she was also very smart and she could be amazingly kind.

I don't think I'll ever forget that night.

He was such a sickly baby. He had pneumonia on his first birthday. The photos are so sad to look at. He was always sick.

He's so robust and healthy now you'd never ever guess it.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2013 12:23 pm
@boomerang,
I recall the night with KAK. I'm thinking of something different, I think.

I remember getting up in the morning and seeing a bunch of song references from not-waving. He also celebrated Mo's birth with the rewording of a song. That was so long ago. Wow.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2013 12:28 pm
@ehBeth,
It was a long time ago.

I remember announcing his birth in the Weekly World News thread.

Those threads were the most fun I've ever had on the internet. I'd get up in the morning and laugh long and hard.

What happened to Not Waving? Do you know? For a while I thought he was here under another name, and sometimes I think he still might be....
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2013 06:43 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:

I know! This Sunday will mark 10 years since he first came to live with us.

He's just a few inches shorter than me now.

I don't know where time goes.
Please accept my congratulations on your anniversary!!!





David
Finn dAbuzz
 
  2  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2013 08:59 pm
@cicibebe,
First of all, I doubt that you are imagining the mockery and ridicule. It's trite, but there are plentyof people in the world who suffer from such a degree of insecurity that they feel empowered by mocking and ridiculing the odd; the different. There are also plenty of people who seem to be incapable of empathy even when face to face with suffering.

Unfortunately these people are simply jerks (to put it mildly) and mockery and ridicule is seldom a response they must experience themselves.

While the advice you have received to ignore it is essentially good, it's obviously not a simply task, as you've undoubtedly found. I would not be surprised either to learn that when faced with mockery and ridicule some of the behaviors and mannerisms that give rise to it are intensified.

My suggestion is to think about this: While the people who ridicule you may seem to be in a favorable position due to their numbers, anyone with decency (and most people have such decency) will find their behavior despicable, and even if they don't have the courage to tell these fools what they think of them, they think very poorly of them.

This is precisely what most of those who mock you fear and so take heart in the fact that not in spite of, but because of the way they treat you, the reason for their insecurity is confirmed. They have proven themselves to be the jerks they do not want to be thought of as being.

I suppose it's questionable whether or not anyone deserves to be mocked or ridiculed but certainly if anyone does it is the bully who torments the odd duck in the flock.

Having said all of this, it hurts to be ridiculed and even more so on a constant basis. I would suggest you ask yourself if any of the behaviors for which you are ridiculed might legitimately be considered offensive (for example: getting very close to someone when you converse and repeatedly touching. This is not to say you do this but this is the sort of behavior that most people find very uncomfortable and which would set the person who engaged in it apart as odd) and, if so, see if you can restrain yourself (again easier said than done, but you have asked for advice)

If, on the other hand, you are being ridiculed because of harmless eccentricities then I wouldn't encourage you to change your unique ways.

It would be very unlikely for your therapist to express anoyance with you, let alone hate you, but there are bad therapists just as there are bad lawyers, policemen, and presidents. If you feel this way about your current therapist, then I urge you to find a new one. However, if you find in short order or even over time that the new therapist is annoyed with or hates you then I would urge you to discuss your feeling with the therapist. It would be very unusual for you to get two really bad therapists in a row.

As far as this forum goes, don't take anything anyone writes to heart. We are faceless, nameless beings here and this is not a place where empathy abounds. This is not a criticism of anyone here because we only know a fraction of each other based on these posts, and there is no reliable way to see people beyond the words they write.

That you are seeing a therapist is an indication that you feel you need and want help. This is a good thing. Stick with it and try not to give the jerks who ridicule you power over you. Get a little bit mad and determined and think "The hell with them." Everyone can't be your friend and you don't want to be friends with everyone.

Hang in there.

dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jan, 2013 12:31 pm
@Finn dAbuzz,
Finn I'm very impressed by your reply, the time and energy required; and though it's patently obvious you're no troll nor bot, I wonder, without revealing anything critical, whether you might divulge something about yourself; age, sex, nationality, ed., occup, family, ambitions, motives, etc
 

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