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Intelligent Sadness

 
 
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2014 02:59 pm
I solved Riemann's Hypothesis.

I solved the mystery of life.

I solved Uranus' Tilt.

I solved the mystery of our life.

I solved what consciousness is.

I solved the cycle of life and death.

Self-taught since the age of 8.

Death on my hands at the age of 10.

Guided my friends and my loved ones at the age of 16.

Made enemies out of those who did not have the patience to know me. Made friends out of those who did.

Over time as I grew at cunning rates, slowly my friends cut ties, not because I lied to them and used them, not because they were moving - no, they severed our connection because - I quote - "It's cool and all that you're not like anyone else in this world, but I hate it when you constantly remind me of it."

At the age of 18, I was a wise man in a childish world. Speaking to people became a dangerous act. My words took control of people's will; they would lash out at me when I joked around. I could take control over an entire family. I almost destroyed a family unbeknownst to my potential. It was not what I wanted. They revered my confidence and wisdom. When I behaved like a young man, they took offense to it. They looked up to me with unrelenting dependence - I simply was not free to be young and innocent; I was chained against my will from being human. People took it upon themselves to blame me and transfer all responsibilities unto me. I was their hero, much like the hero of the stories written. I do good; I am treated with love and respect. I make a mistake; I am treated with contempt and hate. This power from knowledge gave me freedom over everything, except myself. I was a victim to chronic insomnia and night terrors.

-I was forced to live the perfect role-model, when I knew it wasn't right. I changed since then. I swore an oath to let others pick themselves up. It was not my moral duty to fix those who lived their lives vicariously through my steed. I did what I should have done long ago - I made it easy for people to hate me. I wanted to love, but intellect and ignorance are the brothers of virtue and vice... When I did not react emotionally to the death of a pet or a loved one, people would see me as a monster. Despite that, this knowledge I have understood the death on a level of analysis that was beyond their emotional cues. I couldn't react to anything. Everything to me was real. When I wanted to cry, I cried. I did not cry just because everyone else did.-

Since then, I've sat in the darkness learning how to control this knowledge. I have a choice to either play stupid so people have a chance to show what they can do, or be honest with myself and others earning myself a one-way ticket to being socially exiled. To choose if telling people how it is being right or wrong, or keeping people guessing being right or wrong. Leaving them in a dark in bliss, or shedding light in chaos. Hurting them a little bit, saving them from a life time of hurt. Not hurting them, but inevitably hurting them for a life time. People's need to play god makes it so hard for me to play human. I want to be human. I can't rest - I am always moving and evolving. People are always wanting to rest - to settle. I want to be wrong - people want to be right. I let people speak. People speak over me. The moment I give people a chance to prove themselves, they lose that privilege when they attempt to walk over me. I give people the spotlight; what do they do with it? They back-stab me with it. When you give people no room to breathe, they are better off. People today simply use that room to drum up excuses and lies - pressure breaks away their fake parts and shows you their real parts.

After all of this, it's not even why I am sad.

A friend of mine is leaving for an entire year. Trying to make the best of the last hours truly reminded me of who I am on the inside. I can't fake emotion. I can't fake reaction. I did not know what to say. I was humble and patient with my words and my actions. We watched videos of throwing cards. I tried to be there for him, so I followed to the backyard. We threw cards at 5A.M in the morning to see who can throw it the farthest. Him and I threw one of our cards the furthest; we also threw it as the same distance, his slightly further. Seeing those cards sitting next to each other really hit me hard personally. It brought me great sadness remembering that being human to me was a stage while being human to others was an everyday event. They put no effort in being human, while I put every fiber of my being to stand by my friend that night after depriving myself of sleep and having acid reflux tearing up my system. I kept trying to keep back the tears from swelling up and the blank trains of thought from consuming me and my need to let my friend know that I was there - in my own intellectual way. My own intellectual sadness. It was a feeling I knew I was going to experience at some time or another. It was an unfortunate night because hours before that, two dogs were hit by a speeding car out on the street. Too many things happening at once. I couldn't even cry about the dogs. I was just intellectually sad. My body tensed up like a human reaction, but I understood that things happen. Nothing will bring back those dogs. I could smell the blood from the computer room. I am so emotionally receptive and so sympathetic regardless of showing no reaction and emotion. My body really takes a number while people don't seem to be all that affected by their crying. I feel like I am holding back a tsunami, while people are dancing in the rain in sadness. It just pains me to see that people take emotions so easily, while showing them, but I take emotions difficultly, while not showing them because my body and my brain intellectually is showing them in analysis and realization. Philosophically, I am crying through thinking.


Looking back at last night, my heart quivers and my words flow with arrows shooting from the heavens of my subconscious woes. I did what I could to give that friend of mine all of my human. But deep down, it's the reality behind it all. While an average person is crying about the death of a loved one - the genius is crying inside about the death of his own human connection.

This world makes the genius feel worthless. As I sit here, there's no amount of my studies and findings that could ever fill this void I am cursed with along with other geniuses. Geniuses know that every ounce of their love and their humanity lies in something that simply isn't compatible with emotions and reactions - truth. In the end, our sorrow is really our own and geniuses know this. I couldn't explain to my friend at such a difficult moment in our lives that I couldn't cry or feel sad that they were leaving - I was crying on the inside because I couldn't be true to them without being true to myself. My sadness was intellectual. This madness was emotional. The two cannot go together, and so as I watched sound break between the lines of reality, I was forced to be silent.

I am going to miss my friend dearly. But I miss being human more than that. This is why being intelligent and honest in this world is the bane of your humanity - people expect you to go with it, to lie to pretend everything is okay with fake smiles.

I can't do it.

I'm sorry.
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2014 03:32 pm
I'm feel sorry for you that you feel that you can't learn a damn thing from other people.

Your friend almost did it - his card went furthest - so he at least got an iota of admiration from you.
0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2014 03:42 pm
One Eyed Mind, you are:
1. One hell of a crazy nut case.
2. One hell of a bore.

0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2014 03:48 pm
@One Eyed Mind,
Your posts today make me very sad. What you call your "genius" is causing you to live a very hard life. You aren't enjoying your life. This is really sad.

Being the smartest person to ever life is not a good goal. It gets you nothing.

Learning to make friends and connections and find your own meaning and find happiness is what is important.

I believe that you need help to live a good life, this would be in the form of seeing a psychologist. This might mean that you give up thinking you are a "genius".

But if it means you can be happy and have a group of friends who accept you as you are, wouldn't this be worth it.
Artimas
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2014 05:35 pm
@maxdancona,
Why give up what you are?
0 Replies
 
George
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2014 08:32 am
@maxdancona,
Max is right. It doesn't have to be like this. It wouldn't hurt to see
someone about these issues. I wish you well.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2014 08:41 am
A fairly intelligent person, let alone a genius, would know this sentence does not need a comma.

Quote:
I was forced to live the perfect role-model, when I knew it wasn't right.


0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  3  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2014 10:20 am
@One Eyed Mind,
You really should discuss this with someone who might be able to help you. This is the best advice you will get from the folks in the forum (i.e. Max and George). Others will insult and ridicule you. I understand that it can be therapeutic to write down you feelings and thoughts in a place where you know they will be read (regardless of the response), but it doesn't appear that this is helping you very much.

You will probably find it difficult to identify someone who you believe has the level of intelligence to understand you and how you think and feel, but it doesn't require genius to listen to someone and provide them with help.

It's up to you though, you can live with the burden of your sadness or you can try and lift it.

Good luck.

One Eyed Mind
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2014 03:45 pm
@Finn dAbuzz,
It all comes down to the reality behind it all.

Geniuses are perfectly fine in relativity.

It's idiots that make this world into the punishing void that devours every particle of humanity we have because intelligence - extreme levels of it - is demonized by ignorance under the mechanistic service of fear and shame. Geniuses aren't monsters - the society they live in makes them into one. Geniuses aren't in pain - the society causes them pain. Geniuses are free - society takes that freedom and wipes their asses with it. Geniuses have all the answers - society doesn't accept it until the genius is dead and having no chance of living life with the fruits of their labor. Every history book of every culture has people repeatedly following wars, riots, gangs and every other event where people come together to tear each other apart redundantly - wherein there is not a moment in human history where people band together behind a genius to give this world what it truly, truly deserves after all the life and experience we've been given.
contrex
 
  3  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2014 03:47 pm
@One Eyed Mind,
One Eyed Mind wrote:
Geniuses are free - society takes that freedom and wipes their asses with it.

You are no genius. You are a self-absorbed dick with mental health issues. Shut up, for God's sake!
One Eyed Mind
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2014 04:00 pm
@contrex,
I solved Uranus' Tilt.

Among many things.

I'm expanding on the work of geniuses right now.

All you're doing is telling a genius they are not a genius, while you're not a genius yourself. I am not saying I am - I am showing that I am. My work cannot be made up - my work is scientifically and subatomically accurate.

It's not every day you see someone telling you that stars and black holes are super-atomic versions of how males spread seeds and females absorb seeds.

When you come across someone like that, you respect them - you do not disrespect them because their knowledge disrespects your ignorance.
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Thu 23 Oct, 2014 12:17 am
@One Eyed Mind,
One Eyed Mind wrote:
I solved Uranus' Tilt. [...]

Your mental illness appears to be entering a florid phase.
One Eyed Mind
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 23 Oct, 2014 12:31 am
@contrex,
That would be called "genius".

Knowing that it's a very rare thing to see in someone in your life time, I can understand why people would assume it's an illness, much like a child with an unusually high IQ is put into special ED.
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Thu 23 Oct, 2014 01:11 am
@One Eyed Mind,
One Eyed Mind wrote:
much like a child with an unusually high IQ is put into special ED.

Google for "logical fallacies". (Gifted children are often thought to be nutty. I am often thought nutty, therefore I must be gifted.)


One Eyed Mind
 
  0  
Reply Thu 23 Oct, 2014 03:24 pm
@contrex,
You're accusing me of a logical fallacy with a logical fallacy yourself.

Kids with unusual levels of IQ aren't sent to Special ED because they are thought to be nutty. They are sent to special ED because of envy. The same way you attack me with no argument and 100% ad hominems/accusations - you envy me.
0 Replies
 
MWal
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Oct, 2014 07:34 pm
Sorrow is ill of mind according to my loving faith. I think the only reason we are sad is we lack the knowledge we need to be happy and bad thing happened to us in the midst of our darkness. I have seen the light, happiness shines in us all on a specific level where sorrow may exist as well. This is duality and it has to be passed into one plain of happiness only.
0 Replies
 
StephenStevens
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Jan, 2016 05:17 am
@One Eyed Mind,
Stop living your life for others. In fact, stop living your life in order to satisfy your intellectual needs. Intellect can be a curse but only if you overuse it. You need to realize that world is like this and that there is very little that you can do about it. Instead, you need to find your place under the sun and do things which fulfill you, not the others. It is not written in the stone that you need to do something or accomplish something. You can be happy simply by finding your peace.
One Eyed Mind
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Jan, 2016 11:33 am
@StephenStevens,
Some of us have no choice. Our intellect no longer suites our personal needs, and if this world wasn't so brain dead to begin with, we wouldn't be having so much of a problem introducing levels of intellect that far surpasses their 3-D reality. Some of us have special talents that bring us to a new world, but the people of this world would rather live inside their heads, instead of living inside what's left, and to restore what we can.
0 Replies
 
Glennn
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Jan, 2016 11:52 am
@StephenStevens,
Quote:
You need to realize that world is like this and that there is very little that you can do about it.

Just curious. How did you arrive at that conclusion?
One Eyed Mind
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Jan, 2016 12:03 pm
@Glennn,
As much as I can sense naivety in Stephen's words, I cannot blame him for thinking this. The people ignored both, Sir William Crookes, and Nikola Tesla (but bent over for Thomas Edison) after they possessed the infinite knowledge we needed to create infinite energy, but somehow, some way, the darkness of this 3-D world consumed that beauty in an instant, before it could take over the face of our planet to elevate its well-being and restore it to a degree that only a genius can imagine. "Something" is holding this world's illusion together, which is why no matter how hard we try to create a perfect world, the world's system turns against us. The only way we can beat the system, is to beat the system's controllers, and frankly those that control us don't seem to behaving human, which is why Washington D.C and the Vatican are worshiping the Sun God with the obelisk piercing through the vesica pisces in front of their buildings and having their building represent the Vitruvian Man's head, and the obelisk, the phallus of the Vitruvian Man. Da Vinci Code is just another reason to realize that the people of this world are not designed to follow those that stand for what we must, and the world designs it where only one person may stand against the allegiance that consumes us from the shadows just like Yin & Yang; Duality, the prophetic regions of what this world really wants, because the wars we fight with more than one person is an illusion crafted by the black and white chess game "they" are playing.
0 Replies
 
 

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