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Attracted to a 25 yr. old....need help.

 
 
Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:15 pm
I don't know what to really ask/what the title of this should be, so giving the whole story here should get the question across. So to cut to the chase, I'm a 16 yr. old girl in highschool. There's this guy who is new this year, he's basically a security monitor/hall monitor/security guard. He's 25 years old and his name is Justin. He is literally, sooo hot and attractive it's not even funny. I'm pretty obsessed with him. I would post a picture of him(from his Facebook lmao) to show you all, but I don't want to be creepy.(long story) I know his younger brother who's a senior and his cousin as well(not personally), but they live in a town that is fairly pretty close to me. I also have two close friends who attend their school and even know him. Justin is also in charge of ISS(in school suspension) at my school and he spends the day in a room with whoever student(s) has it. Plenty of other people think he's hot, I'm sure, I know a few. When I see people talking to him, it's mostly school related, I get so aggravated and jealous....all because I'm too shy and nervous and get way to scared. I haven't been diagnosed, but I most likely have anxiety, it's awful. My friend who's a senior has talked to him briefly, and she tells me I should go for it, but I constantly chicken out whenever I plan the day on doing it. She doesn't talk to him that much like I said it's brief, but because her friend she tells me talks to him a lot. Her friend literally told him that he's so hot haha. Wish I had the guts to say that. But anyways, he clearly knows I like him because of my actions. We make eye contact(when I walk by, when I'm in class looking out the door into the hall, coming into school seeing him at the front desk, etc,.). He checks me out and of course I do the same and I think he notices it. He will stretch and I will be walking his way. I do look A LOT older than I am, and for a 16 yr. old girl in my grade, I'm pretty mature. I'm friends with a few 20+ yr olds from the sport I do(horseback riding) so yeah. Luckily, last week, I finally got the chance to talk to him. Wasn't the best but I knew that I needed to set a time limit. It was getting to that point. So I did, but it was awfully awkward and pathetic. I walked over coming out of the middle of lunch when hardly no one was aroun and said "hey" to him. No where near my actual, comfortable voice. It was a shy "heeeyy". He was on the computer and turned around and just looked at me in the eyes so I said "I have a question"(already knew the answer to it). He said "and I may have an answer", while typing on his computer. Then I said "where do you get the work permits?" And he was like sorry repeat that because I was talking fast. Then he said guidance and I was like okay thanks and I think he said no problem but that was it and then i walked away and went to guidance kind of shakey and nervous recovering. The rest of the day was awful because i couldn't get that fail out of my head. But I realize good thing was I set a time limit, and I did it. I went and got it done despite how much of a fail it was. Fortunately, at the end of the day nothing wasntuinedband we made eye contact again, just like no mistake had ever happened. And ever since then, it's been like it almost never happened like he forgot about it completely. But now my goal is to talk to him again, and keep a conversation going and not get awkward or nervous. He's really a nice guy, I just need to push myself out of this comfort zone. :/
 
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:19 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
I do have another "question" to ask him, tried today but I chickened out. :/ also, I'm not trying to get with him(though i wish) I just want to be really good friends with him, and also when i graduate high school.
WendyLou
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:24 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
OK...here's my take on it. At 16 or really any age, when chemistry fires its arrow at you, it's pretty powerful. It stops you sleeping, stops you thinking of much else and makes it hard to concentrate. This feeling is magnified when you are in your teens (without patronising you at all). Actually it's a great feeling and can be as strong as really falling in love when you are at your stage in life. Here are a few things to consider. And this involves you being very objective......if things went further and into a sexual encounter, how would you feel afterwards if nothing else happened? If things went into a sexual encounter and he was found out, would you feel badly if he lost his job and could not get another one because he fraternised with a student? Would the instant gratification to "scratch the itch" be worth the long term agony. I know you will say "yes", but pause and think about it. You could say to him "I am very attracted to you but cannot do anything about it whilst I am at school". Then you could say "however, when I leave school I reserve the right to jump your bones. Would that be OK with you? " Just a thought but always remember rush in in haste, repent at leisure. Good luck and keep us posted.
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:30 pm
@WendyLou,
That would never happen though!! Hahaha I don't even think that way. I can't even get myself to say hey so I don't know how bursting out my feelings to him would happen. " anything about it, but when I leave school I reserve the right to jump your bones".... What do you mean by that exactly?
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:32 pm
@WendyLou,
And actually I would say no. Lol
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WendyLou
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:37 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
re the "jump your bones" comment, I mean "get it on"....it's a funny expression. Maybe in view of your reply, just wait. I know it's hard. Maybe you could think "what will be will be" but I would hate you to get hurt.
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:45 pm
@WendyLou,
No I'm not going to say that to him in school hahaha I can't possibly "get it on", get anything on for that matter. I just want to be friends. If anything were to happen, that would be just wonderful. Smile
contrex
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:48 pm
You'd hate for her to get hurt? What about this poor guy? He has a job to do and a professional code of ethics (or should have). This girl should learn some restraint. And some morals.
WendyLou
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 04:58 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
My experience has been "just want to be friends" could be highly risky, especially at school. Wait, wait, wait.....I'd hate him to lose his job. You know what school is like re gossip....and I know how you feel. It happened to me when I was at school, but I waited, and it was worth the wait. He was a radio announcer and I just adored him.....when I left school, we dated.....I broke it off because he ended up being very possessive. He remains a friend to this day even though I'm married and my husband is a friend of his too. Amazing LOL
WendyLou
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 05:00 pm
@contrex,
Hey contrex. You don't know what morals this young girl has. She is asking for help. Give it, if you can.
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Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 05:20 pm
@WendyLou,
Not if I bring up eventually that I know his cousin! I can't wait that long and there shouldn't be a problem with being friends
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 05:24 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
I won't let him lose his job.
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Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 05:26 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Saying those things to him you suggested would more so be highly risky, especially at school.
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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Tue 11 Dec, 2012 10:00 pm
Are you sure you have the right vision of this situation?
A 16 year old girl is jail bait to a 25 year old man.
He has not indicated that he is the least bit interested in you other than as a student in that school. Any thing else is in your head.
It is not unusual to have a crush on someone older, but please realize it for what it is. You are probably one in a hundred in that school who thinks he's "hot."
Sorry to burst your bubble, but please know this is a crush - on your part only.

geminiluv
 
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Reply Wed 12 Dec, 2012 10:35 am
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
How would your parents feel if you dated a 25 year old? You aren't 18 yet. So if you got caught doing something with this guy, you could be grounded for the rest of your high school career. There is a lot of difference between your age and 25. I would try not to think about this guy so much because the more you think about him the more you will become obsessed..... I am a 25 yr old female and I don't ever hear of guys my age dating 16 yr olds. If he lost his job because of you, do you think he will still want to talk to you if that happens?
I was 16 and dated a 21 year old. My life was f-ed after that....not saying that would happen to you but it could.
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Wed 12 Dec, 2012 03:35 pm
@PUNKEY,
Never said I wanted to date him!!
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Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Wed 12 Dec, 2012 03:36 pm
@geminiluv,
But I never said that I wanted to date him.
geminiluv
 
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Reply Fri 14 Dec, 2012 08:29 am
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Well if you want to stop being attracted to him then you have to take up a hobbie that requires your focus and interest. Or just start liking someone your age and maybe your feelings will disappear
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Fri 14 Dec, 2012 06:57 pm
@geminiluv,
That's not how it works lol. I already like someone who is only two grades above me. But I actually, Suprisingly talked to Justin and it went great! I feel we have a connection(weird to say) but there's something there. And I mean like a good friend connection.
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Equestrianforlife7xo
 
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Reply Fri 14 Dec, 2012 09:59 pm
@geminiluv,
But anyways I talked to him, asked him a "question" haha something I already knew the answer to. Then at the end of the day last period class, I had been sitting at the desk where I normally sit closest to the class room door. Anyways, Justin had walked by twice. He walked by a third time, and this time it was in my direction. I was reading something and I had my palm of my hand holding my head up, put against my cheek. I saw him out in the hall through peripheral vision, and immediately looked up. We made eye contact and I know it was directed at me because no one was behind me at the moment. He threw his head up like halfway at me almost as if he was saying "supppp". It made me so happy and brought a huge smile to my face. Now is that good a good sign hahaha coming from you the same age as him the advice would be very much appreciated.
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