Is Sex All he wants? (2)

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Back in February I posted the following question:
"Hi. I think I want to hear guys to answer my questions or give some advice.
I met this guy almost 2 years ago. Then he asked me out, but it was not even a date, we just spent an afternoon together, swimming, talking to each other. This was the day I felt in love or at leas I felt some chemistry.
Since then he has been inviting me to his place to have sex once or twice a months. We met outside his apartment twice, had drinks and talked.

The problem is I love him and the sex is amazing, he is so attentive, and gentle and passionate. But I want a normal relationship, I don`t want to be just a **** buddy.

I wonder what his deal is! If he does not like me, why does he still want to have sex with me. It `s been going on for 2 years! Is there a little hope that we can have a relationship?

do I need to talk to him and let him know how I feel, or just try to ignore him and forget about him?

I would appreciate all your replies."

I got all kinds of replies and I appreciated everyone`s opinion. And you would think it should be over. Around that time I told him that I was not interested in this "relationship", and he said that he was happy with the way the things were. That was it!
Two months later a got a text message from him asking if I wanted to hang out, I could not resist. We had sex and I realized that this situation was way more unhealthy for my mental health as I thought. I just told him that I could not torture myself anymore and I wanted him to delete my number and never call or text.
At that time I met another guy, we were going out for a bit and I was forgetting the whole drama slowly. But then a few months later He appeared again in my life. We haven`t had sex since but we kinda chat once in a while but he is still interested just in sex. He`d still like to "hang out".

I still have feelings for him and I think about him, though I am trying not to. What`s going on in his head? Why is he still seeking to "hook up" with me? Just to torture me?

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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 1,923 • Replies: 23

I think he's finding sex is to expensive away from you.

1 Reply

@suzyy,

logic suggests that he thinks that you **** good.

take it as a compliment, and either partake or not as you wish.

0 Replies

@tenderfoot,

He is very handsome, and I do not see that it would be a problem for him to pick up a girl.

0 Replies

@suzyy,

As a girl who's in a happy and balanced relationship that's not all about sex, I'm going to suggest to you not to go there.
People who only want sex are likely to have a superficial and shallow like for you and therefore will only like you while you're young and attractive and into sex.
You can talk to him (in a completely public place so there's no tempation to hop into bed) and ask him what the situation is, and then decide. Do not cheat on your current boyfriend though, it's mean... and it also makes you a bad person.
Discuss, decide, ditch one.

0 Replies

@suzyy,

Dude calls you up, asks to hang out. You end up in bed together. For no cost (e. g. dinner) to the dude. Score one for the dude.

Time goes by. You tell the dude you don't want to do this anymore. Dude tells you he doesn't want a relationship.

More time goes by. Dude calls you up, asks to hang out.

You honestly think he's doing this for any reason other than ending up in bed together? You are a **** buddy. I am sorry - that is not a nice term. But that is what it is, and it is not nice what is being done to you. And you are allowing it!

Why, oh, why, do you have any feelings whatsoever for this jerk?

This is not about feelings, other than the physical kind. It is not about "love" or even friendship. It is about you wanting to be done by a handsome guy. And him wanting to do the deed without the trappings of girlfriends, with their messy, needy feelings, their desires to be seen in public, their demands for Christmas gifts and dinners out and the like.

If you go back and do this again, do at least be honest with yourself.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT FEELINGS. IT IS ABOUT SCRATCHING AN ORGASMIC ITCH.

And, frankly, a vibrator wouldn't mess with your mental health and wouldn't, potentially, expose you to all sorts of lovely diseases.

Yes, even handsome men can get nasty diseases.

You have another fellow. Concentrate on him, or on finding even someone else. And show the **** buddy the door.

1 Reply

@jespah,

How does the guy get to be a jerk? He is up front and honest about what he wants...an anti-jerk...if women regret their activities with him then that is their fault and their problem.

2 Replies

@hawkeye10,

I agree with this actually. He doesn't seem to be misrepresenting anything, or coercing her. It's on suzy to decide whether occasional sex with him is worth it or crazy-making, and then act accordingly.

It does sound from what you've said so far, suzy, that you find it much more crazy-making than worth it.

0 Replies

@hawkeye10,

You're right. The issues here are on the side of the poster, and not the guy. He wants what he wants - she just isn't accepting that that's all he wants.

It is.

1 Reply

@jespah,

jespah wrote:

You're right. The issues here are on the side of the poster, and not the guy. He wants what he wants - she just isn't accepting that that's all he wants.

It is.

Perhaps also some self loathing that at least for awhile this seemed to be what she wanted too...."I am not that kind of girl" they say, as their behavior indicates otherwise. Two years is a mighty long time to be a **** buddy, kinda hard at this point to claim with credibility that she never wanted to be a **** buddy.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

Tough to say - but the whole **** buddy scenario is fraught with issues for this very reason.

If people go into it clear-headed and agreeing that that's all it's going to be, then fine. But if one person goes into it that way, and the other develops feelings, it gets awfully messy, and people get hurt. Not to mention that very real and very awful diseases don't really care what your emotion state is, or whether you have an agreement. I think people in these situations truly need to understand that their feelings are not important to the other person, and that they need to even more vigilantly protect their health.

1 Reply

@jespah,

That`s true one should be vigilant. I was falling into him in the beginning when he tried to act as if he was very interested in me. Then it was hard to accept that he was not interested in anything but sex.

1 Reply

@suzyy,

suzyy wrote:

That`s true one should be vigilant. I was falling into him in the beginning when he tried to act as if he was very interested in me. Then it was hard to accept that he was not interested in anything but sex.

He has been clear all along that he is interested in you, in having sex woth you, but did he ever once indicate that he was interested in anything else? In two years you have never done anything else but pregame with a few drinks down the block, right? Where did you get the idea that he might want you for something else?

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I saw what I wanted to see probably. As he was coming up with the ideas that we need to do this, or we need to take a trip there... but then he would say you are always buzy and you don`t even wan to watch a movie.
I know the whole thing is stupid and it is not worth even dwelling on it. I just can`t get my mind away from him.

1 Reply

@suzyy,

it sounds like you must have had fun with him, dont beat yourself up over it.....

if you want him have more fun with him, you women are liberated now!

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

And the problem is I do want to have fun with him again....

0 Replies

Then quit asking people to assess the situation.

You are a booty call to him and you chose to use him as a booty call. There's never going to be anything more than that.

So what's the problem?

0 Replies

@suzyy,

yup he just wants the ass, if you really like him though play games with him, let him take you out for dinner, drinks etc. and when you are done kiss him good night and go home, do that for a little while and you will find out if the feelings you have for him are mutual, dont have sex all the time if you start going steady as we all know it dulls the relationship after a while, but give him a suprise every now and again, he will appreciate you and the sex so much more than he ever did,

And I am a man, thats what my old lady did to me.

1 Reply

@njpchevorlet,

It`s an interesting option...

1 Reply

@suzyy,

best one to go with if you really have feelings for him, if its otherwise you will always be the woman to call when all else has failed. Like I said I am a man and I have been there and done that already, this is full proof to see what kind of man he really is if one at all, plus it will deffinately be better for you because I imagine you feel as if hes toying with your emotions, and he is either thinking your cool with the FWB thing or he just doesnt care, but whatever you do dont talk about getting serious just do exactly as I said and that will help you choose what is going to be best for you, dont worry about how he feels about what you are doing, you just worry about your self interest in this situation because it can be devistating to really have feelings for someone then find out they have a family and you are just a side piece.

1 Reply

Is Sex All he wants? (2)

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