Age Gap Relationship

I was in a similar relationship. When we started to date I was 18 and he was 26. We were together for almost 5 years and we were even engaged to be married, but not all was good in paradise.

At 20 I moved out of state to attend college, being together for two years, he came with me and we lived together. After we settled in and I began to make friends and experience the world a bit he started to get worried. Eventually not a day would go by that when I told him I loved him he would reply " No you don't, you're just going to grow up and leave me."
He would always try to play this off as if he was joking, but after three years it really stopped being funny. It got to the point that I would burst into tears every time he said it.

There would be times that friends from school would invite us out and he would say he didn't want to go. His excuse was that "I've been around, I've done the club scene and the partying and now all I want to do is stay home and watch a movie." He would say that if I still wanted to go I could and he wouldn't have a problem with it, but when I would I would get a sarcastic "did you have fun without me?" when I got home and then the silent treatment the whole next day. It got to where I didn't have any life outside of him.

I like to think of myself as a pretty smart and mature individual. All my life all of my friends have been older than me, it's just the crowd I hang with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to be very careful. If you really feel that strongly about him then I would say go for it, but be warned. Listen to your friends and listen to the advice that members of this board have given you. Try the relationship (obviously you already are) and see how things go. I am 24 now and engaged to be married to a wonderful man who is 33, so it does work on occaision.

The biggest problem that I see is that you are only 18 (and I don't mean for that to sound condescending) and you don't really know who you are yourself (trust me I thought it was baloney too, but boy was I wrong) so this man that you are in love with is in love with a version of you that will not be around five years from now.

I would still say try it, if you get a broken heart later it will not kill you and will be a learning experience. Besides the two of you might be one of the lucky ones and make it so you should at least try. Just please make sure you really get to know what kind of person he is before you make a lifelong commitment to this man (ie. marriage or children).

remember "It's better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all. But, by George, if I had it to do over I would choose the latter."

I think I said that.

OK, SCoates, now you made me laugh!

I just reminded myself of a great quote. I don't know the details leading up to the quote too well, but I can recreate the gist of it. Basically a non-christian king was converted to christianity, and asked his religious leader what would happen to his father or grandfather, who had never heard of christ and had no chance to accept him or baptism. The preacher responded that they were doomed to hell. So the king said "Then by Thor, I'm going there with them!" And renounced christianity. I think I'll go find that source.

18 vs 44? What's up with that?

Yah, CI, that is the question. It is Not the Same as 20/26... or, say, 39, 54..
though of course power imbalance can happen there too.
Well, I don't want to throw questions at romances of adults with adults, whatever the age skewing. I married a younger person myself and was not into any kind of control scenario. But eighteen, that is an age of the barest clinging to adult life, a vulnerable and growing time.

Many women are attracted to father figures and that is not allllllll so negative but needs to be thought about. 44 year old guys attracted to eighteen year olds, questions proliferate.. Among the associations I think about are fairly famous men who always liked teenagers. The thing is, when the teens get to be 23, a new nymph attracts. I don't mean to lay it on, exactly, but history is against such a romance working out.

Speaking of May December (as opposed to March/August), has anybody followed the recent Chuck Yeager story?

I have to agree that it may be considered mature for an 18 year old to be interested in some one of 44, but for someone of 44 to be interested in someone of 18 is immature, and not healthy. I know this will take some time to do, but when you are 44 look back and ask yourself if 18 year olds could possibly be compatible with your intellect and personality.

Given what little we know of a.g., we can't say what her reaction would be if this man is doting on her for less than honourable reasons. It would be a life lesson, but it could also create a situation where she is more fearful of becoming involved in future relationships. Or rather, future relationships may never develop because of this one.

As for his not wanting to be judged....it is wholly unrealistic to live their entire relationship behind closed doors. He's got to come out of the shadows at some point. But that whole issue just smells fishy to me.

I would rather warn this girl so she can take a more realistic viewpoint than to say it's okay to rush on into something that she is, to a certain degree, starry-eyed about. She must have some reservations, however, since she posted here. If she didn't we wouldn't even know of her story.

Exactly. I cannot imagine what they would have in common. Even if he has genuine feelings for her, it's highly unlikely the relationship would last. Plus, add on the fact that this young woman will mature and change in the next few years, whereas this man is not likely to change much at all. She may "grow out of" the relationship, if it ever lasted that long.

I know I sound like the voice of doom and gloom, but it's just not a relationship that would likely last.

All right. I'm going to stop with comments. I have said much of what I have thought in response to posts, as have many other people, and Agility doesn't seem to be here to listen.

I wish her well.

DELETED

Sure, Fred! Just click on the "x" in the top right corner of your post. If someone has already replied, click on "edit," then manually delete all the text, enter "deleted," then click on "submit."

Gee, I wonder what that was all about.

Fred, Once somebody posts after you, you can delete, but you can "edit."

You can always edit out your entire post, leaving a few words as a clue, like

deleted this, changed my mind
or
edit, second thoughts
or similar

even after someone has posted after you.

I hear what you're saying Caprice, but if you can't follow your heart in life, then what's the point? I have followed my heart my entire life and the ones that turned out to be the jerks are the ones who were closest to my age. All in all, no one knows what is in store for their hearts if they spend too much time protecting it. Love is free and it shouldn't be complicated or analyzed. Just my opinion.

Hi
I'm Here!!! My computer has been down for the last few days so I haven't been able to respond. First of all thankyou for your comments, they are much appreciated. I guess I am just looking for people to talk to regarding this issue. First of al it has been an agreement between the two of us not to revael to our family and friends that we are together, as we BOTH fear the consequenses. NO he is definately not married. Yes, I have been to his house, in fact I spend quite a lot of time there. NO he isn't just after my body. In fact we have not slept together. As for what can an 18 year old girl possibly have to talk about with a 44 year old man, well you'd be surprised. Just about everything under the sun. We talk for hours. And agiltiy reffers to my hobby(its a dog sport) not my physical ability...lol

I will talk more later, right now I have to get to work. Thanks for the food for thought.

First of all I have been told I am very mature for my age. I was home schooled for most of my time in school, and I have 3 brothers and sisters that are a lot older than me. I always related better to there friends than to ones closer to my age. I relate to adults very well, and am very conversant. In fact if you want to rattle me all you would have to do is to put me in a situation that I would have to converse with teenage girls! AHHHH

This guy is definitely not a pervert or a weirdo. He is very gentle and loving and only wants me to be happy. We both understand that this will probably not be a long term relationship, and that I have my whole life a head of me. he has said that he would not want me to sacrifice any of my dreams to be with him. So for now we are just taking one day at a time and enjoying the time we have together.

I want to reiterate that it was NOT his idea to keep this under wraps. More of mine actually. He isn't ashamed of me, he isn't jealous. In fact we are just now starting to tell our families that we enjoy each others company. I may be young, but I trust my sense of people, and I feel that this guy is honorable.

I know you are thinking why can't she find a nice boy her own age. I have tried, believe me. But 18 year old guys are very focused on sex and their egos, which makes pursuing a relationship very difficult. They are also extremely immature.

Thankyou all for your thoughts. this is what I was looking for, a place to talk to people and hear honest opinions.

a_g--

We wish you well. Starting to be an established couple in front of friend and family is a very hopeful sign.

Good luck.

You should try dating cultists. They are usually quite mature for their age.