Age Gap Relationship

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I am 18 years old and recently started a relationship with a guy who's 44. Now wait... Don't pass judgement until you hear the facts. He is undoubtedly the most caring, understanding,respectful, selfless and open man I have ever met. This may sound like high praise but trust me this is not an exageration. We have an amazing emotional conection, and tell each other everything. We enjoy talking... and listening to one another. The one problem is that this is a very taboo subject in society. Neither of us has told anyone, because we know how hard that would be for people to accept. Both of us are fine with our age difference, we have talked about it extensively. I guess that's why I'm here, because here I can talk and not fear the reprocusions.

If anyone has any input I'd be glad to hear it.

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Of course he's fine with the age difference!

You said "He is undoubtedly the most caring, understanding, respectful, selfless and open man I have ever met." With all due respect, at the aage of 18 you don't have a wealth of experience to draw on. In fact you would have very little experience. That could lead you down the wrong path. You won't see danger signs that an older woman would see with a man of that age.

Also, what is the taboo subject you refer to? The fact that he is old enough to be your father? I don't think it's taboo. It's just looked upon with a very cynical viewpoint. You are very young. He has already experienced a lot in life. You will likely grow and change (in the emotional sense) and this doesn't bode well for expecting a long term relationship with this guy. The odds are against it working out for you. And if you decide to pursue a relationship with this guy partly out of stubbornness, it will just end in disaster.

Lastly, what input are you looking for exactly? Permission to explore a relationship with this guy?

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agility_girl- Welcome to A2K!

I definitely agree with caprice. Just about ANY man of 44 would know how to snooker a young woman of 18. Let's look at it another way. A man of 44 has had many life experiences. What in the world would he want with an 18 year old? What could he possibly have in common with someone barely out of high school?

I can think of a few things:

He is very rich, and you are drop dead gorgeous. Many wealthy men like "trophies" that they can walk around with. A beautiful young girl is the equivalent to them as riding around in a Maserati.

He is NOT rich, and you are not drop dead gorgeous, but he is going through a mid life crisis. A young girl on his arm can help reassure him that he is not "over the hill".

Quote:

Both of us are fine with our age difference, we have talked about it extensively.

Sure, he's fine with it. If the two of you developed a permanent relationship, when he's 70, he'll have a 44 year old woman to take care of him.

The two of you are at very different stages of life. For a woman, the years between the late teens and middle twenties produce many changes.
I would really think twice about developing any relationship with this man. What do you really know about him? Has he ever been married? If he is divorced, why? If he has never been married, why? I agree with caprice, that there are signs that older women would pick up on easily, that you are just too inexperienced to see. Please be careful!

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I almost always dated older men - in my youth ( I am 29 now). Took a break when I was 22 to date a guy my age- what fun. Now I am married - he is 40. Safe to say that we have had many problems due to our small age gap. The problems were there before we were married (5 years ago) but they seem more significant now.
One great think- he got "it" all out of his system long before we were together. The 22 year old was no where close

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Here is a similar story from an older guy's perspective:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=590081#590081

Especially note Occom Bill's post!

Quote:

Well I guess my peers got the sensitive stuff covered. Here is the honest advice and opinion you asked for: If you continue and escalate this relationship you will prove that you are indeed a selfish pervert. Get a grip man. Teenage girls can be beautiful, intelligent, seductive and sweet. They can't be worldly, experienced or mature enough to choose between growing up normally and an intelligent, seductive and sweet 31-year-old man. If you really care about the girl: prove it by letting her finish growing up like the other would-be pervert suggested. I don't mean any insult; we are all would-be perverts... but common sense and decency keeps us in the "would-be" category. Just my 2 cents.

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You say that the two of you have avoided publicity about your relationship because the age difference is taboo.

Does this mean you are wildly fornicating, gobbling take-out fast food, watching a little television in the motel and then going home separately?

Who came up with the idea to keep your relationship low profile? Your older lover? He's the one who would be accused of robbing the cradle.

What are the two of you doing to accumulate life experiences together? Where do you go on dates? Who decides? You don't know how this guy fits in with your friends and family because you haven't told your friends and family. Obviously perpetual secrecy--even though it may add to romance now--isn't going to be practical forever.

For now, enjoy. Live in the present, but make no long term arrangements until you see how this relationship works in the world/worlds that the two of you live in.

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caprice wrote:

With all due respect, at the aage of 18 you don't have a wealth of experience to draw on. In fact you would have very little experience. That could lead you down the wrong path. You won't see danger signs that an older woman would see with a man of that age.

Caprice is right. Unfortunately, I had to learn that the hard way. I had always prided myself in being fairly "smart". HA! I was very dumb. Very stupid...when it came to "people."

I was 19 (almost 20)....and my x was 34. Which is only 14 years difference and when you are older then 19.....14 years is not all that bad really. But I did not see signs I should have seen. Other people did. But I didn't listen. I thought they were just jealous. Besides....he treated me like a princess in so many ways. Or so I thought.

And the fact that he wanted me all to himself.....no friends...no family, etc. should have been one HUGE warning sign to me. I just thought he loved me so much he couldn't stand being away from me. I can almost chuckle at that now. The reality is....he never loved me at all.

You are 18....enjoy your life. Let yourself have fun. As you go along ....you will mature and see things differently.

Like Caprice said.....at your age....you may not see danger signs if they are there.

Everyone in this thread has given you good advice. Sit back and think about it. You have your whole life ahead of you...and plenty of time to fall passionately in love with the right man. These are some of the best days of your life. Enjoy the heck out of em' Don't let anyone take your youth away from you. And I'm sorry...but a relationship at 18, with someone more then twice your age...could very well do that.

~Brooke

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Ya think maybe he's just after your agility?

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I hate to be the one who brings this up...but....since you say you have avoided going public with your relationship...

Could he be married?

Before you dismiss this, have you met his family and friends? Have you been to his home?

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Well, I thought someone should say something that doesn't judge him too harshly. Chances are you are an intelligent girl and can tell whether or not he's a good person, but even if he is not as perverted as some people have implied, and truly has feelings for you, that does NOT mean it's a good idea to start a relationship. It just cannot work.

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Eva wrote:

I hate to be the one who brings this up...but....since you say you have avoided going public with your relationship...

Could he be married?

Before you dismiss this, have you met his family and friends? Have you been to his home?

Good point Eva.

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I have a different take on the issue. I say, if you care about the guy, go for it and if it works then great, if it doesn't, then it doesn't. Life is too short to not follow your heart. When I was young I was in a relationship with a much older man and even though it didn't work out, we are friends to this day and I will always treasure the memories I have of him.

Good luck to you and welcome to A2K ;-)

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I think your experience was the exception and not the rule Montana.

Let me play devil's advocate here. If this relationship is pursued and a.g. gets her heart broken because this older man is in the relationship for the wrong reasons, it will no doubt impact her on future relationships. So, converse to Montana's comment, life is too short to spend it with someone who may take away more from her life than contribute to it.

Even putting all of this aside, the one big warning sign that Eva pointed out is, this man is hiding the relationship in the shadows. If nothing else, a.g. needs to address that issue.

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When I was 17 I was involved with a woman in her mid-seventies. And you know what, there was nothing wrong with that. (She didn't look a day older than sixty, and I was at least as mature as most 19 year-olds, so the spread wasn't as drastic as it may seem)

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SCoates wrote:

When I was 17 I was involved with a woman in her mid-seventies. And you know what, there was nothing wrong with that. (She didn't look a day older than sixty, and I was at least as mature as most 19 year-olds, so the spread wasn't as drastic as it may seem)

You are joking right?

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caprice wrote:

I think your experience was the exception and not the rule Montana.

Let me play devil's advocate here. If this relationship is pursued and a.g. gets her heart broken because this older man is in the relationship for the wrong reasons, it will no doubt impact her on future relationships. So, converse to Montana's comment, life is too short to spend it with someone who may take away more from her life than contribute to it.

Even putting all of this aside, the one big warning sign that Eva pointed out is, this man is hiding the relationship in the shadows. If nothing else, a.g. needs to address that issue.

I don't agree. If he is in it for the wrong reasons and she gets her heart broken, then it's not the end of the world and she will have learned a valuable lesson and as far as the him not wanting to reveal the relationship tells me that he doesn't want to be judged. If anyone can judge this man simply because he has feelings for an 18 year old adult girl, then he's being judged unfairly.

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That's rude, Montana. I don't make fun of your relationships. Well... maybe that one time...

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LOL.

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This mans name wouldn't happen to be Lee, would it? <chuckles>

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My antennae are up for a power situation. Certain men, and I suppose women too, are attracted to a relationship with a person they can generally control by virtue of real or seeming accrued wisdom, of age or experience. The secondary person of either sex will be somewhat subservient even while often remaining rambunctiously entertaininly lively themselves... yet subservient to the control of the other. A guy of 40+ who situates himself re a just blossoming younger person thus raises flags about this.

It is also usual, or close to usual, that this person can't get along with potential mates of near his or her own years or experience, since he is less able to be controlling.

What can I say but watch out.

And if you'd really like someone to be in control, watch out a bit more.

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Age Gap Relationship

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