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Girl with boyfriend

 
 
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 08:07 am
I love this girl and she has a boyfriend. we been friends over two years now, but she don't know the truth. since she has a boyfriend and I'm a good guy I feel she don't have to know how I really feel. me personally I don't wanna cause her break up, so I stopped talking to her for 3-4 months because she thought I was hitting on her when I was only being nice. then out of no where she speaks to me now and says she missed talking to me. like it can't mean much but still I tried to get over her and now she's back talking to Me again and sadly still has a boyfriend..her friend gave her my number and the girl said she her man would be pissed. now this girl tells everyone I'm just a friend to her. why would he be pissed if she talking to her friend? if I'm just a friend it should be a big deal. like I said early though I don't wanna cause a break up or come between them. should I wait for her to make a decision on if I'm truly a friend to her or try to move on again.? I say make a decsion to be a friend because we claim we friends yet we never told each other face to face hey your just a friend to me. I find it odd that never happened but who knows maybe she dont see me as a friend its just the face she has a man so all I am is a friend but she wont tell me.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 1,680 • Replies: 26
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 08:37 am
@cornelljdav,
Well, this is a dilemma that is often pondered: Can a person involved with someone also have "friends" of the opposite sex?

She may not want to be friends with you if it bothers her relationship with her boyfriend. So she is keeping you at a distance.

But the real issue is YOU. You obviously want more from this friendship and that can't happen now. Admit it - You really do want more than friendship. So don't try to pass this off as just "friends.'

So I suggest that you be honest with her and tell her how you feel and let her know that you two can't be friends because you want more and she is not free to find out if you two have anything more than that. Then don't see her. She can make the next move.

jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 08:38 am
@cornelljdav,
Stay out of this sweepstakes. Far, far away.

You are not this girl's friend. You are her wannabe boyfriend. Hence her man would be pissed, and understandably so. The pal who gave you her number is only trying to stir up a hornet's nest.

For God's sake, find someone else.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 08:41 am
@cornelljdav,
cornelljdav wrote:

she has a boyfriend.
she has a boyfriend
still has a boyfriend.
her man
should I wait for her to make a decision
she has a man


what decision?

she has a boyfriend

move on

find a girl who doesn't have a boyfriend
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 10:59 am
@PUNKEY,
she wants to be friends. I don't mind being friends but I do want more. if we can be friends thats cool, I just don't want her taking my niceness as me hitting on her like she did last time.
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:00 am
@jespah,
she wants to be friends. I don't mind being friends but I do want more. if we can be friends thats cool, I just don't want her taking my niceness as me hitting on her like she did last time. her friend was Trynna help and I knew it was a bad idea but I ain't think she would do it without asking me was it cool to do still.
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:02 am
@ehBeth,
the decision to be my friend or let me move on like I tried but its hard because we work together. like she has a boyfriend I know that but I can't help the fact she may like me. I tried twice it doesn't work. I like her to but I'm not Trynna ruin what she has.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:24 am
@cornelljdav,
No - you want to be more than friends. And the sooner you own up to this, the sooner you'll realize that you're essentially being untruthful to her about your intentions.

I realize she is right there at work, but unless there are only two of you in the office, you can go elsewhere and talk to others, right? Be work-style cordial, as in, you're not a jerk to her but you don't go out of your way to pal around. Don't go to lunch. Don't hang around for coffee. Don't shoot the breeze just after or just before, and don't have conversations beyond work and the usual "Good morning, how was your weekend?" pleasantries. Treat her as you would a little old man you work with.

And find other people to hang around.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:26 am
@cornelljdav,
cornelljdav wrote:

she wants to be friends. I don't mind being friends but I do want more. if we can be friends thats cool, I just don't want her taking my niceness as me hitting on her like she did last time.


Where is that line, though? You want more, so if you're being nice with a goal of more then you are pretty much hitting on her.

Sounds like it's time to look elsewhere for a relationship.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:30 am
@cornelljdav,
I think you don't get it.

She has made her decision. She has a boyfriend. You are not her boyfriend.

Leave her alone. Go find a woman who is single and looking for a boyfriend.

Don't bother with her if she suddenly reacts to you not pursuing her. That's not going to be meaningful.

Find a single woman looking for a boyfriend.

Don't bother with a woman who has a boyfriend already. She has made her decision.
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:36 am
@jespah,
I fee you I do. I like what you said but honestly I was good without talking to her and that's kinda why I stopped so I can move on but when I try to find other girls they always don't be ready for a relationship then she comes around and the feelings cone right back that I just lost. its cool though, I can do better if I stay cool.
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:38 am
@sozobe,
I'm not being nice to want more she just Was taking it as me wanting more. if she really knew me she would have realized that but she don't know me like that because she just go by what she hear
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:38 am
@cornelljdav,
Is this the same woman you talk about in your August thread? if so, you already knew what people were going to tell you.

Go back and read Punkey's comments in the August thread.
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:41 am
@ehBeth,
I get it.I can't help the fact she missed the fact of me nor talking to her anymore. I tried to find other girls and once I get going with them they as never ready for a relationship because they stuck on stupid. its just annoying how females act like they want a guy and then say they not ready. just straight up dumb to do that in the first place
0 Replies
 
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 11:44 am
@ehBeth,
yup. I tried to move on. I Bern Trynna consistently to find a new single girl and when I do they never ready. crazy how that works. I can't hel it she gone see me and want to speak. I'll have to try something else to prevent this from making me look like the bad guy once again when I'm not. just gone act like I don't wanna give her the wrong idea
0 Replies
 
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 12:01 pm
@jespah,
we work the same place and see each other and help each other from time to time but that's it. she works in one area and me.in another. we see each other and that's about it til lately we spoke a lil. I always try to talk to other people just so I want talk to her. I even tried to.avoid her so that we won't talk but its not working so well
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 05:48 pm
@cornelljdav,
Well, she was probably right about you hitting on her - whether or not you will admit it. Are you as nice to everyone else, or any other friend? Does your behaviour change around her compared to others? If so, then it may well have been obvious to her, and her friends (who have probably been telling her you have been hitting on her, hence her boyfriend would be pissed off at her getting your number again)...and it would be you that is being dishonest.

You are better off telling her no.
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 08:56 pm
@vikorr,
I treat all if the females I work with the same. only reason why she get more attention is because she comes around me the most. I don't go around to her or anything like that. I rarely talk to her. I don't speak to females I work with unless they speak to me. lets just say I'm mean if you are a female unless you know me then you know I will speak after you speak to me. a big flaw is that all the guys do the same thing I do but they don't get blamed for hitting on the other females but when I do it its hitting on them. its mainly because a lot of females like me and they know I be around the girl but actually shes around me but since she has a man no one would expect her to be doing such a thing. she does so much stuff but because she has a man Everyone just blames me for wrong when there is nothing im doing wrong. I wad being a friend and she took my niceness wrong so I stopped talking to her and then all of the sudden she starts talking to me. she went 3 months without speaking. could have easily kept that streak alive but apparently she misses talking to me. if she dont want no trouble with her and her man why talk to me again? why make a problem occur? why talk to someone you know like you knowing you have a boyfriend and is afraid to set them straight? she could have easily told me I'm just a friend. now its to the point where. if she tells me that I am just gonna have to do what i did 3 months ago which is get over her n to think I was doing real good low key with out her but I guess she wants me in her life
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Nov, 2012 09:01 pm
@vikorr,
people think because she in a relationship she wouldn't do things to harm it. she already said if she text me her man would be pissed. why talk to me at all if that's the case? she has to know talking to me ain't doing nothing but making me look like the bad guy. that's effed up that I can't be nice to a female who I thought said we were friends but when I'm nice she tells people I'm hitting on her.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 15 Nov, 2012 07:09 am
@cornelljdav,
cornelljdav wrote:
all the guys do the same thing I do but they don't get blamed for hitting on the other females but when I do it its hitting on them.


Then you need to work on how you talk to women. You can be pleasant without being flirtatious.

As for this gal who is coming back around to you, she is teasing you. Again, she has a boyfriend. Be rude if you have no other choice. I don't love advocating the nuclear option but if all you say is true (and we only have your side of things here), then she is being a jerk by playing with you and this kind of teenaged crap shouldn't be happening at work anyway.

Do you not have a supervisor? Then maybe talk to him or her - e. g. you're being bothered at work. Maybe your desk could be moved.
 

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