Thu 27 Sep, 2012 06:04 pm
Alright, so I have had a crush on this girl for a while, one day I decided to tell her. Just like that, I said it, confident and everything (OK not really, but still, I said it.). I was really surprised to find out that she like me too! Excited, I decided to ask her out. THAT'S where it went downhill. I guess I came on too strong which resulted in her freaking out and rejecting me. As a result of the rejection I took my defeated looking butt back to my friends and sat there quietly for the rest of the school day, contemplating just how idiotic I am. Afterwards, I asked my friends and best friend (Her big brother) for advice on what to do. They all practically said the same thing, which was to give her time and ease into it. After a few weeks of trying this, my best friend kindly told me some pretty useful info. She does like me, which I smiled upon hearing, BUT, she also likes one of my friends. Realizing that I am now part of a damned triangle I clenched my teeth and looked into the sky to release a muffled roar. Normally I would back off, but not this time, I really like this girl. He said that I just had to prove to her that I am better and care for her more. I think I already succeeded in that but have reached another obstacle. I can talk to her just fine, but I can't talk to her about anything that is remotely related to a relationship. I know what I want to say but when I walk up to her one of three things happen.
1. I put on a giant stupid smile, say something equally stupid that sometimes makes her laugh, turn around, and speed the hell out of there before feeling even dumber.
2. I stand there quietly, freeze, and when nobody is looking and I feel like nobody will notice, retreat to my friends.
3. I do get to say what I want too, but midway through she denies it and finds some way to get around the subject which causes me to do option 2 and disappear.
What do I do? All my friends say she still likes me (Confirmed from talking to her). I can easily talk to her, just not about dating. Am I just being trolled by my friends? Do I just need to stop being so damn nervous and approach her? Any positive advice is appreciated. If you're gonna make fun of me in any way, be gentle. I bruise easily. I made a profile just to ask this because most of the people I saw on here seemed mature and gave good advice. Also, it's a total sincere post. I have no idea what to do. And I'm a senior in highschool.
@Sleepy-Eyes,
Aw, you do sound very sincere.
I'm not impressed with the conditions she's putting on you.
I get that it's a tricky situation, and that she likes more than one person and is trying to figure that out. It's not easy for you though and I think she should be a little more understanding of that.
But since she's not here and I can't give her advice, I think you're handling it well so far and if your goal is to get together with her you just have to be patient and wait it out. (Easier said than done, right?)
Does she ever approach you?
From what you've said so far I guess just go ahead and keep talking to her, keep things light and interesting and no-pressure (well, not that much pressure anyway -- I don't think you want to just be "available" for an indefinite amount of time).
How often do you see her? Do you go to the same school?
@sozobe,
It is easier said than done... She rarely approaches me. When she does, it's to help her with something. She is extremely shy. I see her every day and yeah, same school...
I hate waiting, I feel like some other guy will get her before me...
No she's not some prize, I'm genuinely interested in her.
@Sleepy-Eyes,
Well, if she didn't like you at least somewhat, you would be the last person on earth she would ask for help with anything. I can't advise on how to move things along, but it doesn't look like a lost cause. Maybe she doesn't know how to procede, either.
Relax. You are in that normal "awkard" stage of a beginning relationship.
The challenge is for you and her to get together and have some alone time so you can get to know each other.
Ask her to meet you somewhere - like the mall - and ask for help shopping for something; or the library to look up something. You need a diversion, so that you can get to know each other.
Good luck
@PUNKEY,
Thank you for the advice, it is greatly appreciated, but that challenge really is a damn challenge. I will attempt to ask her to hang out this weekend. I will come back and tell you how it went, if she said yes or not. Hopefully yes...
@Ticomaya,
So much more easier said than done.
@Sleepy-Eyes,
Sleepy-Eyes wrote:So much more easier said than done.
I suppose that's true. Easier for some than for others, that's for sure.
But it's sincerely good advice, and it was your own suggestion. She likes you, so there must be a reason. Go for it.
Or ... wait and let the opportunity pass you by.
There you go ... 2 options.
@Ticomaya,
You're right. I wouldn't let her pass me by. I guess I'm approaching her tomorrow about possibly going out on the weekend. Thank you for the advice.
@Ticomaya,
Due to some un-needed intervention that they call, "help" my friend and his girlfriend kinda blew it for me. Oh did they blow it... They blew it spectacularly. The result has me hanging my head in shame when around her. The entire situation kinda got way worse. Any ideas anyone?
@Sleepy-Eyes,
Friends screwing it up is no reason to hang your head.
Why can't you just be direct with her? "Hi ####, I think we started on the wrong foot the other week, when I asked you out, and my friends aren't helping. Do you mind if we started again? (when she responds - unless it's negative) ..."Would you like to ***** with me?" (or "I think you're really nice. Would you like to ***** with me?)
Now, the reason for the ***** is - what are her favourite activities? (if you don't know, with a brother best friend, and other friends in common - give yourself an uppercut). What setting/activity is she most comfortable in (considering she is shy you probably want a combination of comfort & favourite activity). What situations does she feel most safe in (group setting like an outing with a group of friends, 1 on 1, social setting like a party, populated setting like a shopping centre or coffee shop)
Don't forget that if you plan it right, you can go from any social/group setting to a more private 1 v 1 later - especially if you have the help of your friends.
So you can ask her to hang out - in many different ways - give it some thought.
@Sleepy-Eyes,
Step up and be a man. There's nothing wrong about trying to be a bf.
So stop being tentative and create something attractive about you that will inspire her.
There are plenty of ways you can do this.
Unfortunately, after a drawn out battle, it was a failure. In the end, she has fallen for another guy. If she is happy with him then I am happy too and I have no right to get in the way. Thank you all for the help and advice. On to the next one I guess. =/
On to the next one . . .
I like your attitude!!
Next time, do your OWN speaking for yourself.
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