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I'm starting a journal here. Feel free to comment!

 
 
Angel23
 
Reply Mon 17 Sep, 2012 01:44 pm
Guess this is to be my first entry. Did u know that Liz has been hurting me for the past 3 years? We met when I started working with her at a fast food joint. Right from the start, she snubbed me. I really hate rejection, esp from her, whose opinion is gospel. She's pretty, smart, popular, etc. Most of all, she was outgoing and fun to be around. Even when looked at objectively, whatever she thinks is true. Since she never liked me, that really says something about me. Out of everyone who worked there, she hated 3 ppl. Guess where that puts me? That's right. The bottom 3.

I ended up quitting and so did the other 2 ppl. Since the general manager is related to her, she ain't do **** about what Liz put me through. Oh but she's on to me quick for being irritable and short with people. I got a job beginning of this year giving out samples at Sam's Club and it was then that I got over her...until she resurfaced again in July. Now it's affecting this job as well. Did you know I got really short with my supervisor? At the end of my shift, she said to go help in the kitchen. I was the only one in the kitchen for 10-15 minutes closing and getting **** done. I exploded as I explained that. That was last month.

From time to time, I would get really down and dejected for no reason. Even when I wasn't thinking of Liz and everything else is going fine, I would feel like ****. That never happened this year before Liz resurfaced at the mall. And hell, my first 4 months at the fast food joint, that never happened either since I didn't know she hated me. It's ppl like her that triggers my spontaneous depressive mood, although not purposely, I'm sure. After 4 months at my previous job, I would get down and depressed for no reason.

idk, I guess I want ppl to care. Like the condolences ppl give each other when say...there's loss in the family. I'm afraid to explain my occasional poor performance to my supervisor with Liz bc she might brush that off as an excuse. If nobody else ever cared, why would she? I know I'm supposed to forget about her, but that's easier said than done. I even try hard not to feel like **** but it's impossible. It's like everyone I ever looked up to just wants me to **** off whenever something bad happens to me.

I don't even act out. I just get sad and withdraw. I guess that can affect work performance too, huh?
 
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Sep, 2012 02:31 pm
Placing a copy of this post from your other topic here so you'll have it to refer to as you write your journal posts.

Quote:
Angel, there is another member here who you have quite a bit in common with. She hasn't posted for awhile but you may benefit by reading through the many topics she started about workplace difficulties and people issues that are very similar to yours.

Here's a link to her profile. As you have time, just start reading through the topics she created. They contain lots of good mental health advice, links where she could get help understanding what is going on, co-worker and employment advice, etc.

http://able2know.org/user/dirrtydozen22/
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Mon 17 Sep, 2012 02:46 pm
Some topics in particular that you should read through:

The root of my lifelong problems

How do I put an end to my general anxiety disorder?

Not everyone is gonna like you

This was from McD's (in detail) Is this social problem?

Two girls at the church group don't like me. Why?

0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Sep, 2012 03:01 pm
@Angel23,
Some where between the age of 9 and 13 years old you should have outgrown these feelings and the need to have the "popular" girl like you.

My 9 year old daughter is currently having a problem with it (although still not to the degree you are). My 13 year old does not care if one of the "popular" girls like her or not. She is actually trying to help her 9 year old sister out by talking with her about a mistreatment by a year older girl.

If a 13 year old knows this - why the h*ll is it bothering you so much. so you want me to have my daughter call you?
Angel23
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Sep, 2012 04:07 pm
@Linkat,
Thx that would be gr8. really.
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Sep, 2012 05:02 pm
@Angel23,
Angel.

I don't think Liz didn't like you at all. I think she probably, felt quite honored that you looked up to her, thought that she was beautiful, admired her and wanted to be like her, what girl would not like that?

I think you spent too hard trying to befriend her and she has her own group of friends you know? I mean, you only befriend people that you feel you have connection with and she just didn't have that connection with you.

She didn't ignore you at the mall? She didn't remember you. I mean that was 3 years ago, you meet so many people in life don't you? I mean look at the jobs you were/are doing, how many people do you meet every, single day?

Your mind is playing tricks with you, re-read the above... And once you accept that, you will realise "oh", that's true I only accept people that I want to be friends with, like not that creep that tried to be friends with me, that makes sense ....

Cutting is stupid. I hope you've out-grown that side... Out of all the girls that I know that used to cut, none of them do anymore.. They grew stronger and realised how good a person they actually were and went on to make friends and boyfriends finally and are really happy in their lives. Time for you to shake yourself and realise the same.

Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Sep, 2012 06:36 am
@Angel23,
yes it is - but obviously my 8th grader is more mature than you as she has the ability to recognize this would not be a serious problem...and that she has better things to focus on than the "popular" girl not liking her.
0 Replies
 
Angel23
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Sep, 2012 07:06 am
@FOUND SOUL,
Liz told me that we weren't really friends 4 months after we started working together. And as for the mall incident, she saw me and actually ran off w/ the disdainful look on her face. I doubt she's react to a "stranger" that way lol.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Sep, 2012 07:08 am
@Angel23,
Maybe Liz thinks you are a stalker. She already let you know she is not interested in being a friend. And then you follow her at the mall. Maybe she is scared of you.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Sep, 2012 05:14 pm
@Angel23,
Sheez. I was trying to give you another scenario so that you would look deeper into yourself. What are you going to do when your boyfriend says he doesn't love you anymore and leaves you?

You didn't answer about the cutting...

Why did Liz even have to tell you that, unless you asked her or insinuated that you were...and she had to reply.

Not everyone gets along as we are all different people in this World, I can't imagine you will understand that but I hope you do one day.

If she ran off, it's more as Linkat stated, "oh, oh, there's Angel"... That means you were all over her in that 4 months trying to get her to like you...

Like yourself first.
Rockhead
 
  3  
Reply Tue 18 Sep, 2012 05:20 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
" What are you going to do when your boyfriend says he doesn't love you anymore and leaves you? "

thermonuclear meltdown.

therapy is your friend...
0 Replies
 
Angel23
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Sep, 2012 11:33 am
2nd entry

Well, Liz is no longer affecting my job bc frankly, I need my job. However, she's prolly affecting my life. idk y. I just think of all the ppl I hate bc of her, ppl I'm jealous of bc they have her friendship and I don't. I remember at school, I got kicked out bc of another girl exactly like Liz. Her name is Jaclyn. She never liked me either. In fact, it was her who put me into therapy 4 years ago and I never got off. I also remember being so angry that she snubbed me that I lost control of my car and had an accident on the intersection. I never drove again. Jaclyn don't affect me no more bc I haven't seen her in 4 years. Liz resurfaced twice this year already.

I doubt I said anything about a large retailer I used to work at. Jaclyn walked into my dept (Ladies Wear) with her friend, ran into me, whispered something to her and laughed. I stopped being able to focus on work, so I stood by the fitting room on the clock visiting. Then came my poor 90 day review and I was told to step up or **** off. I stepped it up but I was really angry at such injustice. I ended up getting canned for anger issues, anger that I took out on a coworker bc Jaclyn made me angry.

Liz came after that and I lasted at that job for a year. Good thing at Sam's Club, there ain't nobody like Liz and Jaclyn and it's already been 8 months. If 8 months went by and nobody hated me (whose opinions matter anyway) then ain't nobody ever gonna hate me. And unless Liz actually resurfaces at Sam's, I'm actually gonna continue kicking ass. I'ma pray to God that Liz never resurfaces at Sam's. Wherever else she resurfaces will not affect me.
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Fri 28 Sep, 2012 11:54 am
I'm never shopping at Sams
Rockhead
 
  3  
Reply Fri 28 Sep, 2012 11:58 am
@Angel23,
thought for the day.

nobody can get inside your head unless you let them...
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Sep, 2012 04:36 pm
@Angel23,
There is always going to be another Jac and Liz....

There is always going to be kate,karen,sharon, jodie,lisa and sara.

Go find those 6 then the other two will never matter again. It's all about numbers.
0 Replies
 
Angel23
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 02:22 pm
@Linkat,
Is there someone who hurt u at Sam's or what? Plz enlighten me.
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 02:33 pm
@Angel23,
You have just reinforced my feelings of never going to Sams.
Angel23
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Oct, 2012 01:23 pm
@Linkat,
K lol.
0 Replies
 
Angel23
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2012 10:55 am
Tuesday 10/9/12

I'm just starting to get over the incident on Saturday where I said the wrong thing in the break room about missing someone. I don't always know what I say or do that's wrong. I do know that there are shitload of stuff I used to do that I no longer do, like talking about getting wasted, talking slangs/texts, or generally **** around. I guess that comment would be one to add to the list. I'm usually fine. I'm one of the first to be called in when someone calls in sick bc I'm always available. I'm never late. My sales are on par with everyone else or higher. **** couldn't be that bad.

I just HATE getting bitched at, but if I didn't get bitched at, I prolly would never be aware I did anything wrong. I just hope never to **** up again and not know it. My coworkers all like me and I wanna keep it that way.
Angel23
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Oct, 2012 06:34 am
@Angel23,
Tuesday 10/16/12

It's been a week and things start looking up again. No **** ups Thursday. Nov 16-18 we're projected to totally get our asses kicked. Was told on Thurdsday that I'll be working that weekend. Still, I couldn't see it just yet and was still fucked up over the "incident" from the preceding Saturday. Been praying for a sign that I'm still in good standing and God answered to a greater extent than I had hoped for. Got called in yesterday and then I got added on for Saturday. Before, I was only scheduled through Thursday. Best of all, no **** ups yesterday either. Maybe I should keep praying.

idk what to do with the upcoming holiday season. Buy stuff? Give some away? Get wasted and otherwise engage in irresponsible behaviors? Prolly not the last one bc if I wanna live a good life and not have bad stuff happen, I better not piss off God. But I will be praying for God to give me ideas.
 

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