Two girls at the church group don't like me. Why?

Please talk with your therapist or find a new one. You need help on this stuff.

You have to live with it and that's that!
Not everyone will like you and you have to accept it. Just leave them alone
and mind your own business.

I see my therapist weekly now lol.

Sometimes I think your therapist has no clue. Sorry to say that as I'm likely wrong and don't want to undermine the therapist -




Is there any other place you can see an appropriately credentialed therapist? Any kind of university hospital with a clinic?

There is always a reason; and usually more than one... But you see from the Church group thing that it is not about Christianity saving the world, or they would start with you... Like most things it is about politics, and you may be way to unpolitical if all you want to do is find personal information and hang with chicks... You will never have love until you have all you need without love... I saw a girl comedian once talking about guys in LA... They would say: You're cute; do you have a job???...

A lot of guys want to live off women like their own mother... Women as much as men want to be supported... Okay, the Right Girl is going some place, has ambition and does not mind working for it and wants the same from her mate... If you are looking for a free ride, some one looking for a free ride will never like you... Learn to take care of your self first...And, keep your mouth shut... Watch and listen... Never engage until you have a good sense of who you are engaging with, and stay aloof, and coy...

And If I may tell you something that may seem strange:

Because we call women women, that is, because we classify women under a single concept we usually suffer the false assumption that they have something in common, and that if we can simply find out what that thing is, that we can master them... They will not be mastered... The fact that they can all be called women is all they have in common... They are all individuals and must be addressed as such, which is to say, that the fact you take for granted about yourself, your uniqueness, you must also presume for them... Woman-ness is not a form and there is no magic formula for understanding them or negotiating with them...It is best to erase the thought that there are women in this world and begin to see that there are only people who happen to be either men or women... Take them as you find them, and if they find you unattractive, trust their judgment, and try to correct your behavior... Which is about all you can correct...

Fido, I have no doubt your post will straighten DD right out.

DD - I worry about your "vision" of the situation.

Just because you meet and talk with a person, it does not mean they are going to want to take that further and become "best" friends or even eat with you.

There are casual acquaintenances and then there are friends, then there are best friends.

You need to know the difference.

Are you kidding me???

Boundries, and every relationship has them, I think... Every relationship I have with people has them, at least... All levels of formality with only the best being informal, and still not without some form...

apart from trying to curtail your need to be liked, you have to work on your social boundaries

it's fine to say to someone you just met, where do you work, and if you know the place or someone who works there to comment on that ("oh, i know where that is", or "i have a friend who works there"), but to start in immediately about lunch breaks and where they spend them, is a little too much to soon

No, she's not, and I had the same thought only I would have put it differently.

Yeah, I would have said that Fido is producing a load of crap .....and not the first time either!

I can't comment on that. Not enough people have quoted him to form an opinion.

We can arrange something if that's all you need, rat.

C-J; I would simply say that if some one is struggling with relationships, they likely need more than a little advice, and it sounds as though he is getting more than a little advice... Speaking from experience, it is often easy to see what others are doing wrong in relationships, and more difficult to see what we are failing at, and I would agree that we are failing... Thanks..

well my dear, there's your first mistake. The OP is female.

Kinda puts everything in a different light, huh?

I do not know that it does... Some of the people who are the most prejudiced against women and for women as ideals rather than as human beings have been women... I say the same thing to Native Americans: When you accept the notion of the noble savage you deny to the people their humanity... From the perspective of a man, women are not one thing, but everything, all virtue, vice, promise and curse all rolled up into one except that they are only incidentally one...

There is no formula for relationships with women, and no formula for successful relationships with anyone... Each relationship must be negotiated separetly and individually, and are dynamics, and the fact that women are to an extent a captive and oppressed population does not make that situation easier, but more difficult... I know some women who find their relationships with other women so troubling that they stick to a man rather than deal with the complexities of it... I must confess that women are too complex for me, always playing the game of life more intensly than any man can imagine... If my wife is not three steps ahead of me she is ten, and this does no mean she is always right, or always reasonable from my perspective... She has her own reasons, and they have almost always been better than my own...

She is working against an impediment that because she is a women she is considered less than equal to the demands of life, and nothing could be further from the truth... The world walks on the feet of women... Women drive every progress, and yet because of having children, suffer everywhere nearly absolute slavery and so force general slavery on their whole nations...It is so impossible for women to escape the demands of their children, and so easy for men to, so an alliance with a man, even an inferior human being such as myself becomes to an extent, essential to the success of a woman... My wife could have done much better than myself... I was the best she could get at the time, and the pickings were slim... It is to her credit and honor that she has not bailed on me... She does not need a man except to keep the others off her like flies off sugar...

Fido, why don't you click on dirtydozen's name and read some of her
previous threads. Maybe things become much clearer then...

I should probobly do that with everyone I talk to... I am afraid I might feel I was actually having a relationship with them when all I want is conversation... I try to keep strangers at arms length, and often for good reason... Not that I want to use the internet to exclude them from reality... I'm no high roller and I can't afford the friends I already got...