Which came first: the Asperger's or the egg?

Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 12:50 pm
Linkat wrote:
the premise of kids not playing outside in their neighborhood - he fits the bill.

And I'm saying, "so what?"

Just because his parents provide him with different opportunities doesn't mean that he's neglected or stifled. It just means that they're different.

My kids don't go play in the neighborhood. We have reasons why. I'm completely the other direction. I look at the little four-year-old wandering alone around the neighborhood, and I wonder, WTF are those parents thinking?

Meanwhile, my kids are in dance, and girl scouts, and they go to MOMS club events, and school events. They get plenty of socialization, without being exposed to the creepy neighbor who once came over and asked to hug them.

How many creepy neighbors do I have that I don't know about?
Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 01:19 pm
sorry didn't mean to hit a sore spot. I wasn't referring to 4 year olds but children old enough to cross the street and be somewhat independent.

I was simply making an observation same as boom who said she also experienced the same where some kids in the neighborhood are only seen being brought into and out of their car.

Meanwhile, my kids are in dance, and girl scouts, and they go to MOMS club events, and school events.

And also a point we were making about kids being overscheduled.
And the fact how were we happy we lived in a neighborhood where it was safe and nice where kids could happily play outside without worry. To have free unscheduled play. It was probably the first full summer where my kids had the distinct opportunity to do this as a result of where we moved.

I am sad that your kids do not have this opportunity/that you feel you live in a neighborhood that they cannot do this. and I don't mean it as being neglictful or uncaring for your children.
Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 01:25 pm
Is this thread just sort of waxing nostalgic over the society that gave us the "Our Gang" comedy movies, where young kids could just roam a neighborhood, discovering this or that?

I believe we are stuck with cellphones, computers, and fast cars. With the next generation having all these gadgets to make their lives different, from prior family, it might be self-defeating to see the changes as negative. They might be positive, whatever that reflects?

Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 01:27 pm
yeah I agree - I was really just making an observation like boomerang - I honestly didn't mean to cause such an uproar over noticing something similar.
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Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 01:32 pm
funny from your descriptions - after we moved here I thought - we moved to soze's neighborhood.
Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 01:40 pm
Yay! The move seems to be working out for you pretty well so far, Linkat. Hope so!

By the way (just to add to what I said, not addressing anyone specifically) there are a few different elements to "death of the daytime neighborhood."

When I was talking about it most is when I had to do scheduled playdates and activities and such for sozlet because there weren't other options. When I was a kid, there were enough parents (mostly moms) at home that we could run amok even from a very young age and know that there would be an adult who would come running if anyone yelled for one (or just yelled in the wrong way, at all!)

In addition to a critical mass of parents there to step in as needed, there had to be a critical mass of kids there and available. There were probably about 25 kids in my immediate vicinity when I was growing up -- very occasionally we would all form a superpack, but more often there would be smaller pockets that would form.

With us, sozlet would go outside but there just wouldn't be anyone there at all.

It becomes a feedback loop -- enough parents are both working that they can't leave their (young) children at home during working hours, so there are fewer kids out doing things, so the ones who are at home and available start getting into scheduled activities so they have opportunities to socialize (and then they're also not part of the freerange pack).

I think it can be easy to blame parents when it's outside of their control. (Unless they want to pay every other neighbor to stay home and keep an eye out.)

Territory changes with age -- sozlet's territory when she was little was this block, and that was a wasteland. (Even in my freerange glory days I was supposed to stay on my block until I was probably 9 or so.)

Now her territory is a lot bigger, and there are a lot more eyeballs (I get unsolicited reports at intervals), in addition to her being more self-sufficient.
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Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 02:15 pm
Do you think social skills are important?
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Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 02:59 pm
Personally, I wonder about how much bad stuff happened back in the "good ole days" that we just never heard about.

I know two girls that during high school had guns pulled on them as they walked home from school. I never heard about it until after college, though.

We live in a pretty good neighborhood; it's just that our creepy neighbor kinda highlighted how little we really know most people.

Back when there was a high percentage of stay-at-home moms, I think neighborhoods were safer for kids, because there were more guardians.
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Reply Thu 6 Sep, 2012 10:09 pm
Both my children are what I guess would be considered Generation y'ers and I have to say they're both much more socially adept and willing and able to cope with the CONSTANT social interaction that has become a part of the lives of young people of this generation than I would have been able to at their age.

I took my daughter's cell phone from her one night when she was supposed to be doing a paper for homework and the damn thing never stopped buzzing. I mean, EVERY FIVE MINUTES someone was texting her trying to get in touch with her. And that's after having been in school all day and talking to these people all day long.

I think all of this technology has made people dependent on constant social stimulation. It seems that for a person of a certain age, it's impossible to sit on a bus with his or her thoughts - they have to be reading a text or sending one or instant messaging someone on their i-phone.

It was interesting the other day- I was at a job interview with six other people and we were sitting in a room together. Six of us were somewhere between 40-50 I'd say, and the seventh was mid-twenties. We had to sit there for three hours and wait while each of us did a separate fifteen minute microteach - with ten minutes in between for feedback. These were very interesting people, so the time went pretty quickly with all of us talking about our backgrounds and our current jobs and experiences in teaching - except the twenty-something year old guy who was constantly staring at his phone - texting, I guess.
And actually, at least on the surface, he was probably the most socially smooth and adept one amongst us. He wasn't shy at all- very bright, eloquent speaker (to the point of being glib, sort of). He was talking to someone - just not to those of us in the room, except when he told us about how he plays eight instruments and is a music promoter. I watched to see if any of the rest of us pulled out a phone - nope - none of us did - not once.
I took out my deck of cards and played solitaire at one point - maybe that was rude, I don't know. I can talk and play solitaire though, so I stayed in the conversation.
I don't have school aged children anymore, so I can't comment on this 'egg' phenomenom in terms of my own children. But what I notice about teens and young adults is that the opposite seems true. Not only are they NOT isolated - they're so constantly inundated with opportunities for social interaction and expression that they don't seem to know how to be quiet and/or alone anymore.
If they are sitting there alone, they have to be staring at their phone waiting for someone to call and save them from being alone.
It would have driven me NUTS! I'm so glad I'm the age I am.

Having said all that, where I live, the children are generally very friendly and polite and seem to have loads of opportunities to be together, walking to and from school and playing in the park and such.
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