I just want one person to understand me. That is all. I've been struggling lately. I can't stop obsessing over the thought that I might have Aspergers. I've always had it in the back of mind that that might be what I'm struggling with as well as thriving with. I feel so alone socially and I can only relate to people when I'm not afraid to show all of who I am. But most of the time I just hide. Even when I do open up all of the way, I'm reminded even more clearly how different I am from most others. My most prized thoughts are really abstract visuals and its hard to communicate these through words. The subjects that spark my soul alive, most people tell me make their brain hurt. My two idols who I obsess over and look up to the most are Albert Einstein and Rodney Mullen, both are people who have suspected autism. I didn't know that until after I became really interested in them. But something about them both, give me this calmness. Especially Rodney Mullen. Whenever I hear him speak, it calms me down. Whenever I research autistic stories and tendencies, there is a very strong familiarity there. I watched youtube videos of autistic people, and I feel like I understand exactly where they are coming from. Most of the time too, I completely miss out on humor and I take things really literally. More times than not, I've had to have people just say plainly, "it was a joke". I've also always had an insane obsession with animals and from what I've researched a lot people with autism do too. I just feel like I understand animals way more than the average person and ever since I was little I've felt like I needed to be the voice of animals.
I am aware that self diagnosing can be dangerous and I'm trying to avoid that at all costs. Which is why I really need feedback from people on what they think. One thing which wouldn't align with autism would be that I feel like I am extremely empathetic. I don't listen to other for their words, I listen to their emotions and I think this is one of the reasons I take jokes so literally. It's because I experience the emotion that the person is radiating out and take that as the truth of what they are saying.
If anyone has experience with Aspergers, please comment on this and make me feel a little less alone.